Tags
crash landing, crashdlanding, health and wellness, non-fiction, spite diet, The Spite Diet, weight loss
More like a restart

Let’s Be Honest
I’ve let myself go. Mostly go off the rails. I stopped trying. Mostly because of a combination of laziness, depression, anxiety, and exhaustion. Packing my lunch and meal prepping takes up time that I could be laying in the bed. Or you know the thing I never do: being productive.
I stopped tracking my meals, my water intake. I stopped meal prepping and caring. It didn’t help that I got really sick of some of the things I was eating.
But I’m trying to get back at it.
What I’m Doing
Breakfast: I’ve started drinking my OatsOvernight again. I stopped because I got really tired of the same texture over and over again. Not the flavor, that was not the problem. The cold, liquid, lumpy, texture of oats does get old after a while.
I switched over to protein shakes and bars for a while, but those are expensive. I have also found my least favorite protein bar.

Also, the Oats get automatically delivered as I am subscribed and I don’t want them to expire before I use them. They cost money.
Lunch: On days I work my lunch is usually the same, when I pack it. Black Forest ham, provolone cheese, spinach, and a little mayonnaise on a whole wheat wrap. Some zesty ranch veggie straws and carrots dipped in ranch dressing.
At home I don’t really eat lunch and breakfast is lasted in the day. Thats usually whole wheat toast with peanut butter and cinnamon and sugar. Today I added bananas.
But then there’s my guilty pleasure that I only have once or twice a week. My version of iced coffee. I use my Keurig to brew 8 ounces of great value triple chocolate coffee, I put it in the freezer to chill. Once it’s cool I add two-ish tablespoons of French vanilla syrup (which I may or may not have gotten four bottle of from a random stranger in the parking lot), about 8oz of vanilla almost milk, two scoops of ice. I dump all that in a 40oz insulated tumbler and sip on it basically all day.
Fun fact: coffee supposedly doesn’t have enough nutritional value to warrant a label. Not even a caffeine content label. Go figure.
Dinner: usually whatever is already being made, or if I’m feeling fancy I cook for myself. I don’t do enough of that.
I also take a Weight Management gummy every night. I don’t know if it’s making a difference but I’m almost through my second bottle so, there’s that.
What I Hate.
Tracking My Meals: Why? Because it’s time consuming. It’s a tedious process that seems unproductive, and a waste. Plus, how are you supposed to accurately track home cooked meals, especially those cooked by someone who you feel weird asking, “hey, what’s in this? You know, so I can tell the little gremlin living in my phone.”
Meal prep: the reason why I eat the same lunch every single work day. It’s easy. I’ve made it a million times and could probably do it with my eyes closed.
Aftermath: I can’t help but be reminded that if I lose a significant amount of weight, I’m gonna hate all that lose flabby skin. And I can’t afford surgery. I already hate my body, I’ll hate it even more if I’m looking at that when I remove my clothes.
Why I’m Trying
Yeah, I quit on it for a little bit. Quit trying, quit wanting to do it. Quit making effort. But I’m back at it, with baby steps. But why?
Because I liked the feeling of hitting a goal. Because I like the idea of feeling better one day. No, I haven’t noticed any physical changes, except my pants are a little bigger, my boobs are a little smaller, and my wedding rings are just a little too loose to wear anymore.
And honestly I refuse to buy new pants. Or rings. Or anything but sports bras.
But the notion that one day it might not hurt so much to walk around (the damage is already done it’s not gonna make a difference), or that one day the Velcro strap I use to cinch my jeans a little tighter will be useless, well, those things make me want to keep going. That and possibly increasing my life span, to be around longer for the kid (the only reason to linger).
The ring thing and bra thing, well, I’d rather not loose too much in that department.
