Protected: 4:36 of me looking dumb

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Over the years I’ve made a point to be as vague as possible about where I work. There is absolutely no reason for anyone who might read my blog to know where I work. I haven’t lied about it being retail, in fact I have a category titled “Retailiations”. But I refuse to openly and outright name my employer. I say a lot of stuff—though it’s never intentionally bashing (I don’t think). But I’m trying to keep certain aspects of my life as private as possible. This post is in fact concerning my day job, and I want to state first and foremost that I harbor no (at least not a lot) of resentment or anger toward any one individual or entity involving my job or workplace. Most of my issues start with me. And of those there are many.

I’ve had a rough few days (weeks, months) at work. From changes in people, to changes in policy, to plain old changes in my established and efficient routine.

When I left my previous position, which I was only in because the one right before it was DELETED, I made a point to try to adjust and make it my own safe space. This was in January. I’ve been in this position for almost ten months. And it seems like there have been changes and adjustments to make in it constantly.

But just when I’d gotten into a routine that suited me and became efficient for me, curve balls were suddenly being thrown one right after another.

Of those curveballs is the addition of an extra process added to my routine. Now, in the creation of that extra process I was told I would have complete autonomy. I took that to mean that I would have control over how this new “process” would be handled. How it was set up or staged, how it was organized.

I wanted to clarify for myself what this meant.

I was also told that any additional tasks to the process would be basically set aside for me to work through and control.

I took the time, huge amounts of time, organizing (which is hilarious if you’ve seen my house) this new space for my process, in a way that made it easier for myself, or the individual who covered it on my days off, to complete the precesses.

What I did not take into account was that was a lie. Whether it was an intentional lie, or not (I’m going to optimistically go with not) I do not know. Also unaccounted for is the fact that more than just one party would be involved. And everyone has their own ideas with how things should be done. This doesn’t just refer to my job but all things.

What no one else took into account or had to or knew about was that I am HEAVY and FRAGILE (shout out to a person who might never read my blogs but would know it if she saw it, I hope). Honestly the “Heavy” part has nothing to do with this story except that I hate stairs. But that’s another post.

The key here is Fragile. Mentally. Emotionally. I need to work on that, we have discussed this. A lot. When stress comes to shove I break down. Usually with anger. Silent and fuming anger. Sometimes I aggressively tap my handheld on my forehead and only a day later remember why it’s slightly tender. I have issues, ok. We know this.

This new process, this new step that was added into my day, was already taking an extra 1-2 hours to complete. That’s not including the aftermath, we’ll call it cleanup. But because I’d organized it to be easier, it became quicker each time.

But then enter the third party. The third party began to do not what they were asked to do but extra. That was frustrating. They began adding their “cleanup” to my organized files (this is becoming increasingly more difficult to not use work terms lol). Now, one or two or ten items? Okay I can reorganize. But I’d be reorganizing my files each day. Reorganizing for efficiency. So that’s extra time added on.

I mentioned this to upper management, that the third party was told to set aside this additional work for me to preprocess, but they were not. All I was told was to let them know if it got messy.

Well sir, of course it’s not going to get messy because my OCD isn’t going to leave it alone long enough to let it. I reorganize it. Every. Single. Morning. Because I don’t work two days out of the week, and someone who is not me is supposed to do this when I’m not there.

Well, I went in to work with high hopes only to find my files full if new work to process. Unorganized and out of order. Literally ignoring signs I has personally made. There was also a literal tote of extra work. Ironically this is what they were supposed to be doing all along but they just couldn’t finished shoving stuff in the files so it was left.

And then more was added but a completely different party later that day!

You try so hard.

So now all my time is spent on this. Seven and a half hours of work time. So I’m legitimately not getting anything else done.

Take that back some of my morning routine gets done. But literally nothing else. If someone gives me another additional task, I will not be able to complete it. There is no more time in my days now. Perhaps when less work comes into the facility, it’ll even back out. But with the holidays quickly approaching (retail likes to advance them by two months) I’m afraid it’ll just get worse.

Anyway this post grew three sizes this day and I had no intention of that.

My point is, I’m off. Four. Days. I’m trying not to think about work. I’m trying not to specifically think about how much I’m going to have to deal with when I go back to work (Tuesday’s are THE WORST).

But I’m going to try so very hard to stay calm. Not freak out. Not use my handheld to hammer imaginary nails into my forehead. It is what it is, amirite? And what can you do? Nada.

Goodnight.

-c

Projects in Development

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Just so I can remind myself I have stuff I should be doing

1. “Silent Secret” (research)

Dropping “the”. Cover created using Canva (not sponsored, but you can holla at me, Canva! *wink*)

Plot: A young woman goes missing just before her high school graduation. Presumed dead, she is honored at her graduation by family and friends. Twenty* years later, after her friends and classmates go their separate ways, they receive postcards in the mail from their hometown, Black Pines. “Have you forgotten about Haley?” One young woman, the missing girl’s childhood friend, returns home to seek answers. (Something like that)

Silent Secret started as a “random generator” story. The premise was to use random generators for as many aspects of the story as possible. The title, characters, and at least some extent of the plot was created by generators. They mostly came from links available on the Seventh Sanctum website.

I’ve written a little on this story, but I want to do some research before anything solid. Eventually it’ll be available by the chapter, on a monthly basis, as premium content!

At some point it’ll be self published as well.

2. “Sisters Make the Best Accomplices” (development?)

Cover made with Canva (*wink*)

Plot: (so far) Two sisters, with very different personalities, who honestly don’t get along super well (sounds like a generic sister story) get into complicated shenanigans. They have to learn to accept their differences and work together to get out of the mess they’ve gotten themselves in.

Honestly got the idea from a random Facebook image someone shared. I think I woke up thinking about it. Had some downtime at work and wrote an opening scene. If I can get the time to work on it, it’s gonna be a good one!

Don’t tell my sister, it’s gonna be dedicated to her.

Eventually I’ll self-publish this one as well.

3. Facebook Poll Story.

Guess how I created this? Yup. Canva.

Premise: On my Facebook page I post each “chapter” of a story. The next chapter’s content is determined via poll posted on the Crash Landing Site group. ALWAYS check the page first, for the chapter. Then vote in the poll. Haven’t figured out yet how to post the chapter and poll as one post.

I haven’t revealed the general plot or theme, yet. I want to watch and see where the readers take the story! So far we’re one chapter in so check it out! This one is Facebook exclusive!

I’m also going to be giving three self-published copies of the finished story to the three people who participate the most in the polls.

4. “I’m Crafty, and You Can Too!” (Delayed)

I PAID FOR A SUBSCRIPTION FOR THIS ONE CANVA. I LOVE IT.

The weird sounding title was on purpose, FYI.

My goal was to make tutorial/informational videos on my YouTube for people who want to learn more about various crafts! I so often get people who tell me “I wish I were crafty.” I wanted to show them how!

I’ve gotta get my crap together and get going with this. I’d love to do it but honestly I’m afraid of being in front of a camera! That and the debilitating fear of rejection. 🤦‍♀️


Anyway, I’m sure there’s a million other things I want to be working in. Like my nephew’s letter keychain and sticker. Sorry my dude. I’ll get ya eventually.


Thanks for reading!

-c

Be sure to follow for updates! I try to post something about something at least once a week!

Black Pines

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Sponsored by Black Pines Tourism and Black Pines Historical Society

“Nestled next to a breathtaking mountain, which feeds a large lake, Black Pines is a unique and beautiful little town. Boasting scenic views from mountain cabins, guided hikes, and even the annual Pioneer Festival every Autumn, there is nothing Black Pines doesn’t have to offer!”

“Black Pine Lake, whose water is sourced straight from fresh mountain runoff, stays perfectly cool and clear all year round, making it especially enjoyable in the hot summer months!”

“There’s something for everyone all year round in Black Pines! Come see us anytime, we’ll be happy to have ya!”


Learn more about Black Pines, featured in “Silent Secret” coming soon for premium subscription!

I have tried…

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…And tried and tried a million times to write a blog post conveying what is going on inside my head.

For example: I’m paranoid that people are talking about me behind my back. Like EVERYONE AT WORK. They are all in on it. But some of them think they need to laugh harder at my jokes. Or some of them just don’t talk to me anymore. Maybe some of them are trying to ruin me.

Maybe they think I’m a thief.

I’m not I hate thieves.

Or also, I feel like I don’t have any friends anymore. Like, I’m someone’s friend when it’s convenient or the people who really want to be my friends are far away and just have closer friends.

Anyway I almost had a mental breakdown the other day

Maybe it was a mild one? I couldn’t not cry at the songs I was scream-singing to in the truck on the way home. Anyway it was happening. And now I’m starting to get depressed. It’s creeping up on me, like a leopard stalking it’s prey. If I sit and think too long about what’s happening around me I either panic/get anxious, get depressed, or get angry.

No matter what happens I know I would never kill myself

There is no question. I refuse to leave my child without a mother and my husband without a spouse (honestly this child wouldn’t sleep with him if I were desperate for sleep, I don’t know how he’d parent without me lol).

Plus I utterly fear death. And don’t say it’s because I haven’t gotten right with God, leave him outta this he knows what he did/didn’t do (I’m kidding). But the question of the unknown scares the ever loving

Poop

Out of me. So, I refuse to shuffle off this mortal coil until my child is grown and thriving on her own (or at least until she’s sleeping in her own bed).

I never imagined I would ever consider myself to be depressed or have anxiety until I was an adult.

Because when you’re an adult you see/read/encounter more adult things than you do as a kid or teen. And the bulk of humanity has been trying to normalize mental health issues over the last several years. For positive reasons. And I realized that I’ve had problems with anxiety and depression my whole life. I never recognized it because my family did not have the luxury of being able to afford to see a professional.

Not that my mom wouldn’t have made it work if she thought myself or my siblings needed it. And I can guarantee ALL of us need some kind of help, especially now.

My theory is that no one I know actually reads my posts.

Unless they involve free fiction. Or something that could benefit them. I’ve limited my Facebook of late, and I highly doubt a single person on my friends list, or even in my Facebook page, has even glanced at the titles of my blog posts (which post automatically to my page).

I could probably say whatever I wanted about anything here and no one I really know would even know. Something like

I killed a man.

Fictionally. Several actually.

Sorry. I didn’t have the nerve.

How about: I secretly believe no one actually likes me they just humor me for the hell of it and I think I’d rather someone look me in the eyes and say “I don’t like you all that well”. And walk away. I would cry a little but eventually I’d get over it. I’m an adult after all. Semi-functional, but an adult none-the-less.


Thanks for reading!

-c


Someone once said they think I’m bipolar. I didn’t have doubts.

And now for something completely different

  • Minecraft stone sword: implies the possibility of other Minecraft items
  • Xanax: how long will it last me
  • Children’s scissors: will cut aomwthing
  • English to Australian dictionary: don’t they speak English?
  • Pepsi: YES
  • Avril Lavigne CD: access to a CD player or weapon
  • Mario Costume: probably not in my size
  • Mustard: I prefer honey mustard.
  • Heelies: I can’t find normal shoes in my size, probably not gonna find these.

Product Review: Oats Overnight

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OatsOvernight.com

The Product

Oats Overnight is a company serving overnight oats mailed straight to your door (or PO Box in my case). You can choose from multiple options, and there’s even a subscription (which I chose). The Oats are all high in protein, and gluten free. You can use milk or milk alternative (never water), and you get a free Blender Bottle!

The flavors I received were:

  • Peach Upside Down Cake
  • Strawberries & Cream
  • PeanutButter Cookie Dough Cacao Crunch
  • Maple Pancakes
  • Green Apple Cinnamon
  • Blueberry Cobbler
  • Mocha Dream
  • Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana
  • Dark Chocolate Cherry (flavor in development)

The Review

Convenient: the only times I did not have these for breakfast were my days off and days I was too lazy to poor 8 ounces of vanilla almond milk in the shaker bottle. There were two of those lazy days.

All you do is pour in your milk or milk alternative, pour in your chosen flavor, shame vigorously for a few seconds to mix. Throw that puppy in the fridge and grab it in the morning for a quick breakfast! I had mine while driving to work.

Flavor: I enjoyed every flavor. The only one I did not like as much was the Mocha Dream. I’m not a coffee drinker and I’m (supposed to be) avoiding caffeine. This was the only one that had caffeine. I think my favorite is between the Peach Upside Down Cake and Blueberry Cobbler! But ask me tomorrow I might change my mind.

The consistency is a thin oatmeal, obviously, with bits that need chewing though if you really wanted to drink it, it wouldn’t be hard. Heck, get ya a boba straw abs slurp it right up.

All the flavors seemed to be perfectly sweet for me, and I’m assuming the sweetened vanilla almond milk contributes to that. But at this point I couldn’t imagine having it with anything else!

Benefits: I did not stay full until my break two hours after I’d finished my oats. But I didn’t have that shlumpy feeling I get after a greasy fast foot breakfast, and I wasn’t hungry as soon as when I had my “I’m late I’m late for a work day” pop tart.

Cost: I ordered the Party Pack (shown above) and I made it a subscription. That gave me 10% off. Subscription came with added benefits.

Oats Overnight

I ordered 16 meals, and my subscription came with a free blender bottle and bottles for life.

Comparison

Other Breakfast

Cost: If I (get myself up early enough to) stop by a fast food place for breakfast every morning I pay an average of $7.50 per breakfast. For 16 breakfasts that’s $120!

Calories: Hardee’s Frisco Breakfast sandwich (my fav) 430 (Jebus Crist!) hash rounds 230-excluding the drink because I’m embarrassed.

Oats Overnight

Cost: Oats Overnight (excluding the almond milk as my husband buys it for the family and the oats are MINE) at $3.09 per meal, $49.50 for 16.

Calories: Oats Overnight: the highest calorie breakfast Mocha Dream: 300 Lowest: Blueberry Cobbler: 280

Problems

I’m being 100% honest here: the only problem I had was getting the last gulp or two out of the bottom of the bottle while driving a full size truck on a two late road through a town. The thicker bits tend to settle in the bottom so your left wanting.

You could be smarter than me and (a) not Oats and Drive or (b) wait until you’re parked and down the last bit.

Conclusion: Will I Buy Again?

If you can’t already tell, yes. In fact the only reason I remembered to write this review is because they sent me an email saying my subscription is about due, do I want to edit my order? I asked to switch out the Mocha Dream for either Orange Creamsicle (which is a last chance flavor) or Mint Chocolate Chip. Not sure I should be having dessert for breakfast but honey, I’m 37. Ain’t no one telling me what to do!


Check OatsOvernight on their website, or their Facebook page!


Thanks for reading!

-c