You ever have so many things you want to do but absolutely zero time or energy in which to do them?
Well that is my life. I think willpower has a lot to do with it too. Lately my life feels more or less like every day is the same and nothing ever changes. Because it be like that. It do.
Maybe that’s why it all seems to go so quickly and I have to stop and think, “is it already Friday?”
6:00am: wake up get and ready for work.
6:30am(ish):leave for work.
6:45am: get to work and sit in the parking lot contemplating staying in the truck for 8 hours.
7:06am(ish): clock in and work.
8:30-9:30am: take a 15 at some point. Get Gatorade and peanut M&Ms, 99% of the time.
?-11:50am(ish): do work things (including but not limited to complaining under my breath about the following:
- Modular resets
- The 9,000 daily tasks I’m expected to do along with the “here this needs done” extra things.
11:50-12:50am: have lunch. Look at funny pictures in my phone for an hour while thinking about how much I could be getting done with the #pretendfantasynovel and blogging and all kinds of stuff.
12:50pm(ish): more work
2:00pm(ish): last break. Whatever man. Talking to coworkers?
4:00-4:30pm(ish): go home. If it’s a week day I pick The Kid up.
Spend the rest of the evening after dinner either wasting my life on the Internet watching videos or looking at funny pictures, wallowing in self-pity, or wishing I could change myself or my life.
8:00pm: begin bedtime routine
- Brush my teeth.
- Get kid’s teeth brushed.
- Go to The Kid’s room.
- Melatonin gummy for The Kid (1mg The Kid is a lightweight).
- Brush her hair.
- Lotion her feet and hands (helps us both relax and she also has the softest feet of any human).
- Give The Kid her allergy meds and tummy gummy.
- Story time till she falls asleep (almost done with “Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets”).
- Sit in The Kid’s bed next to her sleeping form looking at funny pictures or writing this blog post (I’m now editing in my own bed).
9:30-9:40pm(ish): go to my room, contemplate the possibilities of doing something productive. (Actually I’m editing a blog post.)
10:00pm: Realize I’ve spent too much time looking at stupid stuff on the internet, take my melatonin, take my medicine and try to get comfortable in my hard ass bed.
I’m currently completing the editing of this post at 10:28pm. MY melatonin is kicking my butt. Luckily I don’t take it on my days off.
Wake up a million times in the night.
Sometime around 5am my body says “that’s enough” but I ignore it and struggle to go back to sleep.
Do it all over again at 6:00am, usually with some kind of ache and/or pain.
I realize my posts are boring and inconsistent and not helpful to anyone, usually especially me. But this is how I cope with life and what my brain is doing. I’d prefer my brain to nothing most days.
But you know what, I’m not on any kind of medication keeping me from going completely bonkers (though I wouldn’t deny something would help me). I’m also still employed and haven’t run away to live as a hermit in an abandoned building on some unused corner of a reach persons’s sprawling acreage.
That sounds absolutely amazing.
But alas I have responsibilities, The Kid, people who love me and need me, and I still have a fully/mostly functioning conscience. So I’ll continue to perform this never ending dance routine. Even if sometimes it feels more like a backwoods circus sideshow than Cirque Du Soleil.
Goodnight friends. Thanks for watching. What? Watching? What reality are you living in right now…