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(Tonight’s post is going to be a repost, for two simple reasons: I’m tired and I feel this needs brought back. Enjoy.)

Greg stumbled groggily into his kitchen and hissed as the late afternoon sun pierced his squinted eyes.

He was hungover from a night of heavy drinking and coming on to women who immediately rejected him. He’d gotten in late and slept off the booze and the day. He opened the refrigerator to peruse it’s paltry offerings but the sight that greeted him scared the remaining alcohol out of his blood. Jumping back Greg bumped his throbbing noggin on the cabinets, choking back a scream and a groan. The fridge door closed itself and he stared nervously at it, fearing the worst.

Hoping what he saw was caused by leftover drunk he stood, rubbing the rising lump on the back of his head. He stepped forward and opened the door. It was still there.

In all its red and white glory, the Elf on the Shelf, stared vacantly with that mischievous grin plastered on its face. It sat motionless, it’s hands clutching a broken beer bottle. Inside was a rolled up sheet of paper.

Tentatively Greg pulled it away from the elf, careful not to disturb anything else. He unrolled the sheet, spilling red and green glitter on the kitchen tile, and read the candy cane letters.

“We’re watching you, Greg. Always watching.” It said. “Are you being a good boy?”