So here are all the things I could tell him about but probably won’t

My gynecologist told me to ask him about some diabetes drug because it’s shown a lot of potential as a weight loss drug.

I don’t go to her because of my weight. I go to her so I can satisfy the yearly requirement to have my pap smeared so I can get the renewed prescription for the birth control that’s keeping me from getting cancer. Supposedly. Also it keeps me from having Aunt Flo visit for shark week every month.

I don’t actively try to lose weight because I’m actively trying not to throw myself from a bridge just to see if I could fly away. Yes I know what the actual outcome of that experiment would be. I’m not completely delusional.

I could also tell them that despite the fact that he told me to “wait and see” instead of prescribing me an anxiety medication, I was dealing with a lot of stress and mood issues so I bought and OTC supplement called SAMe without doing research first.

I only took three mostly because I wasn’t gonna take it on my day off and it fell off my bedside table into the black whole that exists in the floor between it, the wall, and the bed.

I could tell him that my whole body hurts most of the time but we’d end up circling back the the weight issue and then we’d end up right at the jumping off a bridge thing.

I could tell him about the pain in my back that’s definitely not my back and most likely not the “you don’t eat enough fiber” issue that he claimed it was last time. But he’d probably tell me, “drink more water and take MORE fiber.”

I AM probably gonna tell him, no, I’ve not been following his recommendations because if I do all the things he tells me to in one day, more than two days in a row, they have the right effect but in the absolute extreme way, and I don’t need that either.

I WILL tell him do my own form of what he suggested and supplement as needed.

Why am I gonna not tell him any of these things?

Because it doesn’t matter. Nothing, in fact, matters. At the end of the day there’s still going to be a long list of problems that cannot be fixed by a prescription and some yearly blood work. In fact, most of my issues will not show up in bloodwork.

The localized pain in my head that happens sometimes when I bend over sometimes when I strain and sometimes when I’m tired but also sometimes when I’m just sitting still minding my own business. The swelling in my legs and feet, the muscle cramps the exhaustion.

I’ve only ever always had basically fine bloodwork. I’ve had X-rays in my back, my knees. Never in my ankles though I wonder what they’d see .

To be honest I don’t remember when this appointment was scheduled, it could have been the last time I saw him. But I also had an appoint in, like, October, that I legit slept through. I didn’t wanna go anyway.

I’m tired. I wanna be happier, I wanna be healthier. I want to be a better mom. I want to be glad to wake up in the morning just to do the same thing every single day.

I want I want I want I want.

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