Sometimes I stop and think, “I need to find a job where I can be off on the weekends and be able to spend time with people and not have to worry about getting home so I can get done what I need and have some rest before bed.”

And then I remember that I’ll never find another job and I’ll forever be stuck in the one I have. Don’t ask why it’s a long story that I don’t have the energy or time for right now.

We go see my brother and his family, we had gifts for their basically grown kids. I forget they they don’t stay the same and that they grow. And I’m a little mad about it. It’s a shock to your system when you l see kids that have changed so drastically in a year’s time. Like they are whole other humans!

Anyway they’re great kids and I love them.

But I am exhausted. I worked today and then we went out to eat for my sister’s youngest kid’s birthday.

I did NOT stick to a healthy diet. I am ashamed.

I am going to try and make myself go to the gym, by myself, tomorrow. I’m going to take my bag of gym clothes to work, and change into them there, and go to the gym.

My social anxiety tells me that walking into the gym by myself is absolutely impossible and I cannot do it and should not try. I have never gone to the gym by myself. I have gone with a friend, once, or my husband. I have never gone by myself.

I mean, if I know myself, I probably will not even go. I’ll sit in my truck in the parking lot at work and cry a little inside at my shamefulness, and then just drive home. But I’m gonna try. Do something.

Anyway, it’s way past my bedtime, I need to sleep.