Category Archives: love

08 Saturday Jun 2019

Posted by in Family, love, Mommy Tells, Motherhood, Non-Fiction

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From the time she was old enough to lift her tiny little hand my daughter had a thing about rubbing people’s noses and faces to fall asleep-especially mine. Now she’s four and a lot stronger and has a habit of pinching my nose closed, and hitting it. Not hard, but noses are tinder.

As hard as we try to break her she still picks her nose and eats it. Gross. I’m afraid she’ll get laughed at one day.

She’s super smart and loves to learn. I blame Daycare and YouTube Kids. I helped a little too. She’s got a good brain and learns fast.

Except for potty training. We’ve had lots of ups and downs. But maybe we will get there. Maybe.

She’s my whole world and I wouldn’t change a single moment with her. Not the poop, the nose slaps. Not the late nights or early mornings. Or those first six months where she barely slept at night and I was *this close* to jumping off a bridge.

I wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t have another either. But I wouldn’t change a thing about the one I got!

-c

The Struggle is Real

01 Saturday Jun 2019

Posted by in Family, love, Non-Fiction, Rant

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I often have days where I want to stop. Stop. Give up. Quit. Throw in the towel, give up my seat. Give away. You know?

Today was one of those days. I didn’t have enough. Enough people, enough money, enough time, enough energy. I felt like I was messing up around every corner. And it was the busiest day. That made everything worse.

I stopped to do something and someone needed me. I had lines I had to shorten, and not enough people to shorten them. Get them down and they filled back up. Thought about doing something that I needed to do, I got pulled away.

I feel like a failure.

I feel like I’ve let everyone down.

Struggle. Struggle. Struggle.

When does it stop? When can I stop?

But now I’m home, two hours after my shift should have ended I’m crawling into bed. Next to my sweet one. My heart. My sunshine. She’s asleep but I can snuggle.

Snuggle snuggle snuggle.

And for a few hours I can pretend all is right with the world.

Because I did something right with her.

Pepper Dog

29 Wednesday May 2019

Posted by in Family, Friendship, love, Non-Fiction

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This is Pepper. She’s almost eleven years old. She’s normally an outside dog. But she got in the house today when a storm was rolling in. So we kept her in. She’s fluffy, so it wasn’t until today that I noticed that she has lost a great deal of weight.

It reminds me of her mortality and that she won’t be around forever, even though she’s been a huge part of my adult life. She’s been a part of our family for as long as my husband and I have been married. She’s outlived two other dogs. She’s escaped the safety of the fence to go exploring many times, and still came home safe.

She enjoyed her time inside and received her first bath in ten years. She noses through the garbage, she ate cheese and gravy. She played with children and took a nap in my bed when she was soaking wet (the bed is still wet).

We are going to be transitioning her in slowly, she can be indoor/outdoor. She will get to be lazy some, gain some weight, and we’ll take better care of her.

She is my Pepper dog, my pepperoni, my first “kid” and she greets me every day when I come home from work. There have been one or two days where I was afraid when she didn’t come out right away, but I’ve always gotten to hear her bark from inside the garage (she’s had free reign of the garage since she was too big to squeeze out the gate).

If I ever came home it she weren’t there to greet me, I’d be heartbroken.

-c

A Hitchin’

20 Wednesday Dec 2017

Posted by in Friendship, Holidays, love, Non-Fiction

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In six (five?) days, on Christmas Day, I will be doing something I’ve never done before.

I will be performing a wedding ceremony.

Yep. Wow.

What started out as a joke ( originally involving sloth and unicorn masks) and entirely my fault soon snowballed into me becoming ordained online and legit agreeing to marry my co-workers.

(I’d also like to add that they couldn’t find anyone willing to marry them on Christmas Day)

And I’m low-key freaking out.

I keep asking her if there’s something special she wants said or done, and all she’s given me is “no opportunities to object”.

I get it. She just wants to get married, legally. I completely understand. But when I do something… I overthink and over complicate to the point of making it harder than it should be.

But I really want to do a good job, and leave them with good memories of the day. Not just an exchange of rings.

So I’m trying to write out something sweet and heartfelt to say, and find the proper vows to make it beautiful.

I’m also extremely nervous about speaking in front of people I don’t know. Lol

Wish me luck!

Love you Haley and Nick!

-c

Death and Life

10 Sunday Dec 2017

Posted by in Family, love

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My aunt passed away yesterday.

My daughter’s 3rd birthday party was today.

The funeral is the same day as my child’s birthday.

My aunt never got to meet my daughter. The last time I saw or spoke to her was at my grandmother’s (her mom) funeral. It was 2 years before I got pregnant.

The distance wasn’t because of any disagreement, disappointment, or dislike. It was Life.

Life gets in the way of everything.

As a child, I went to see family when my mom took me. Now that I’m an adult and a parent, I work, and it’s hard to take time off to see family. And I hate it.

I love my aunt. She was the oldest of six children, my mom being the second oldest. Their father, my grandfather, passed away twenty years ago, my grandmother, five.

My aunt lost her husband, who’d she’d been with for many many years, to lung cancer two years ago. She was never the same.

Now they’re all together. My grandparents, my aunt, and my uncle.

I like to imagine all the people I’ve lost, from my grandpa (the first death to shake me) to my aunt today, all up there, where ever there is, greeting each other with friendly hugs and bright smiles, happy to see each other again. Because they aren’t sad, sick, suffering anymore. Whatever anyone believes, THIS I’m sure of.

Rest In Peace, aunt Portia. You are missed.

-c

Life

06 Sunday Mar 2016

Posted by in Family, love, Non-Fiction, Truth

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My family lost yet another good man. This time there was no clue, no sign. Yet more proof death comes and takes as he pleases with no regard for the living. 

I wrote the following on a whim, and it’s one of those things that I feel good about, which I read to myself over and over again. 

Love one another. There’s not time enough for hate. 

Life is short. Don’t fret. Don’t fuss. Don’t fight. Don’t hate. Love each other. Don’t judge. Accept. Appreciate. Learn. Laugh. Cry. Tell the truth, be honest. Enjoy yourself, enjoy each other. Smile. Live. Live while you can and while you have the chance. Not one person on this planet can know how long they’ve got, until it’s too late. Don’t let anything stop you from enjoying as much as possible. Don’t leave this world with regrets. And don’t give up on something that means the most to you. 

Know that you are loved and let those you love know you love them too! Don’t leave it as a question mark in the story of your life. Don’t leave anyone wondering. 

If you are on my friends list, know that I appreciate and love you. I try to love and accept all, no matter your station, wealth, position, religion, sexuality, gender, or political beliefs. You matter to me, you mean a lot to me and my world would alter if you were no longer in it. 

There are too many factors that can change our course in the path of life. Make sure that if your path is altered, your course changed, should you look back and see you’ve lost your way, you soldier on and make your way out. 

We have each other. That’s all we have. Be good to one another, and this life will be well.

-c

Be My Valentine

13 Saturday Feb 2016

Posted by in love, Non-Fiction, Truth, Valentine's Day

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‘Tis the season of the naked baby with wings and a sharp object pointed at people. 

I’ve seen a lot of hatin’ on the VD the last few days, and let me say, it’s a teensy bit annoying. And yes, I am allowed to say that. I was also allowed to say “I hate Valentine’s Day” when I was Valentine-less. Just as you are. So hush. 

Yes, I have a Valentine. But many moons ago, I never ever thought I’d have one. In fact I thought for years I’d be alone for all my February 14ths. But I never hated on anyone for having a valentine. 

STORY TIME

I remember specifically, Valentines Day 2003. That was my senior year and the year I got caught skipping swim class and was assigned sports reports for my trouble. 

Yes, this is relevant. 

You see, the principal who assigned these reports (the one who pseudo-suspended me, would have kept me from graduating) told me to report to the library every day in place of what was my swim class. But for the first week, the library was being renovated. So, Mr. Barber said to sit it out in the office. 

That was also the week when Valentine’s Day arrived. So, I sat in the office during peak flower delivery times. I watched as flowers boys’ moms paid for for their sons’ girlfriends passed through the office door. Though I knew I wouldn’t get anything, I secretly and silently hoped/imagined that one of those many thousands of dollars worth of bouquets would have my name on them. 

I was mildly jealous, but knew that all these girls getting flowers from their Valentines would be happy. Just as I knew I would have been. 

My first Valentine’s Day didn’t come for five more years, when my future husband brought a dozen roses to my house, along with a Vermont Teddy Bear. I finally had a Valentine. 

But I firmly believe that you don’t have to be in love to have a Valentine. If elementary school children swap Valentine’s cards, then I can give my friends a card. Heck, buy yourself a box of chocolates. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, single or not!

-c