Category Archives: Non-Fiction

01 Saturday Apr 2023

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Almost two years ago today, I made the biggest mistake of my life. And no, it was not the perm. I actually really liked the perm and might get another one some day.

No, it was the perm that made me do, it. At least that’s what I like to tell myself. You see, two years ago I decided I wanted a perm, and because it was income tax season, I had the money to do so. Yes, it has to be income tax season for me to do drastic changes to my hair. That’s when it was for the purple and blonde hair. Because I am the type of person who will go for months on end and not get a haircut because I hate spending the money on it. I don’t hate spending money, its spending it on certain things.

So, it was the drastic change of a perm, and the confidence that said perm gave me, that made me want to make the biggest mistake of my life. And said mistake has four wheels, a pretty green paint job, and a check engine light.

See, this beautiful beast of a truck was purchased on a whim. She was not my first choice. The truck I was eyeballing in the salon chair while inhaling perm chemical fumes was a GMC Sierra. It had more miles than this one. And I went down to the car lot not half an hour after getting my hair done. But it was taking forever to get my credit check to go through, so we left.

And then the dude called me, at work, the next day and said he had a better truck for me.

And oh did he.

The check engine light came on twenty-four hours after I signed the papers.

Later that year the battery terminal messed up and we had to change that out.

Then the next January it died while i sat in the parent pick-up line waiting on my child.

I have barely driven it for the bulk of 2023. Because On February 7, at the bottom of the hill my workplace sits on, just as I was turning into a curve, it died. I only knew it died because the steering tightened up and the breaks were hard to push. I managed to get it off the road, mostly (and into mud). I called my husband because I was afraid to start it and get it up the hill without back up, and I message my manager letting him know I’d be late.

On the way home that day it died four times.

My brother-in-law (he might never know how much I appreciate him) and my sister and the kids, came to the house so he could look into it. First, we thought it might be the fuel injector that we discovered was out on it the last time it died (parent pick-up). Then after putting it on a scanner, he said it was probably a thing called the ignition coils. And you could only get two of them or eight. So we got eight. For $254.39. He put them on a while later. And I managed to drive it to work for two days, before it died again in an S curve in downtown.

Again I called my husband, we pulled the think into parking lot of a for sale business, and I left a note in the windshield that said, “Truck is dead please don’t tow.” He drove me to work, and that evening we got it out of the strange parking spot and left it at his mother’s place of residence.

The next day, a Sunday I believe, I drove it home. I vaguely remember making it all the way home without it dying. But it was mostly because I was filming the entire event and it wanted to prove me wrong and make people think I was crazy. I am crazy but its the truck that’s making me crazy.

Eventually, BIL got the ignition coils put on, and I was able to drive it to work for a few days before it died again on February 17th. At this point, after the ignition coils, the assumption was the problem must be spark plugs and the fuel injector, for which there was a previous code. On February 24th, he bought and put on the spark plugs and the fuel injector, which I’d already had. I drove it to work two days. On the second day, I was IN MY FLIPPING DRIVEWAY and it died.

That was the last day I drove it. Until March 1st when I picked my sister up and she came to the house and helped my clean out my garage so I could pull the enormous hunk of junk into it so I didn’t have to look at it anymore.

On Monday, March 25th, he installed a new $180 fuel pump because that was the next only possible solution, and it turned out that might not have been the problem. Keep in mind, the thing has barely been driven for more than a few days at a time.

On friday (yesterday) he came and fiddled with it a bit, because when you put on a fuel pump on a 2012 Dodge Ram, when there’s about three quarters of a tank of gas in it, its “easier” to take the BED OF THE TRUCK OFF, which is a nerve wrecking experience in and of itself and get to the fuel pump than dropping an almost full tank.

He put on some nuts and bolts and taillights that he didn’t get back on previously because it was getting late and messed around with it some more. He took it for a drive (i nearly tinkled when he hit 60 on a two-lane road, I usually don’t go over 35 on) just to see if he could copy what it does.

Of course he wasn’t able to recreate the incident, because the truck gets shy and doesn’t want to show off. And prefers for me to look like a lunatic.

The best he could figure that maybe it was a little low on transmission fluid, and maybe needed a little oil (she needs an oil change but you can’t get that done when you can’t get very far).

So, I bought both of those things today, and put them in with some frustration.

Listen, the fact of the matter is this: I love driving my truck. I feel safer than I was in my little car, like no one can get me. If I were to encounter the stupidest thing on four legs, a deer, I would be more likely to win in that battle in my Dodge Ram, than I was in a Chevy Cobalt. Its also a beautiful automobile, and I was always proud to say it was mine.

When it ran right.

When you are driving along, minding your own business, and your steering gets stiff, you lose juice, and you have to try to steer your way off the road safely, its nerve wracking. When you live in an area like I do, and there’s an uncanny number of either rock walls or drop offs into rivers protected only by guardrails that may or may not be dug into eroding hillside, it’s scary not knowing when you might lose power. The last time I drove this truck very far i barely let it get over 40 miles per hour because I was scared.

And for some reason I decided to try and drive it to work tomorrow.

To be honest I am scared shitless. I don’t want to risk having to pull off in a questionable spot. Luckily the drive TO work is the rock wall side. There’s a few places before you get to downtown that would be okay places to pull off. But just thinking about it is really scary, and I don’t want to do it.

As I have discussed her many times, I am not a praying woman. I am not religious at all, mostly because I don’t know what to believe. But after the over $700 in parts and labor I’ve put on that truck in the first four months of this year, I am praying that it gets me to and from work tomorrow.

And the next day I have to take The Kid to an appointment. I really mad at myself that I forgot about that. The appointment is all the way in another county. Like, half an hour’s drive, on the highway.

This is really just a therapy post, for me. I know I’ve said a million times that I’m going to stop posting personal stuff here. But that truck really is feeling like the dumbest decision I’ve ever made. And I really need something to go right for me.

Not that anybody is reading any of my posts besides diet related posts.
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Will the real Madeleine McCann Please Stand Up*

23 Thursday Mar 2023

Posted by in current events, Non-Fiction, Uncategorized

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*I’m not expecting her to emerge from the mist. I realize that title might seem a little insensitive and that’s not my intention.

Because Julia Wandelt is not it

I could be wrong but I’m 75% sure I’m not.

Over the last several months there’s been speculation that a young woman from Poland named Julia Wandelt (or Wendell or Faustyna) could be missing the Madeleine McCann.

Who is Madeleine McCann

In May 2007, three year old Madeleine was on vacation in Portugal with her parents and twin siblings. Her mother and father left her and her two year old siblings sleeping in their apartment to go to dinner, about 180 feet away. Around 10pm her mother, after having checked on the children multiple times, discovered Madeleine missing.

At one point her mother and father were suspected of covering up her accidental death after some DNA evidence was misinterpreted. Her parents were later cleared of any wrongdoing, and the girl, who would be 20 now, has never been found.

There are multiple theories as to what happened to the then three year old, most notably that a man previously convicted of abducting and murdering another child might have had something to do with her disappearance.

To be honest, there’s a lot about the case that doesn’t make a ton of sense, but that’s not why we’re here right now.

Who is Julia Wandelt

Julia Wandelt (aka Julia Wendell or Julia Faustyna) is a 21 year old Polish woman claiming that she could be the missing Madeleine McCann. She began sharing “evidence” that she was McCann on her YouTube, Facebook, and Tik Tok accounts. Those accounts have since been deleted as she has faced criticism and threats.

She began with a plea to the parents of Madeleine, asking for DNA testing and to get in contact with them. As far as I know she has not spoken to them. Wandelt had traveled to the United States with a woman named Dr Fia Johansson a private investigator and self professed medium.

Why tho?

Why is it Julia Wandelt believes she is Madeleine McCann?

Madeleine McCann had a very distinctive eye defect, affecting the appearance of her iris and pupil. this condition is fairly rare, only affecting about one in ten thousand people. The unique characteristic was quite obvious in images that circulated of the little girl after she went missing.

This defect, called a coloboma, which Wandelt had, is one of the reasons why people might think she is McCann.

Coloboma in Madeline McCann’s eye. Image.
Julia Wandelt (left) Madeleine McCann (right) Image

There are a number of other pieces of “evidence” given as to why she might be the lost little girl, including other facial features.

Why do I think Julia Wandelt is not Madeline McCann?

I think, with close to 8 billion people on earth, the chances that two people look eerily similar, enough that one might be the older version of a missing person, is highly likely. There are tiktok videos that people stitch asking the original poster who their parents are. We all have a doppelgänger somewhere.

One of the things that tells me that it is unlikely that Wandelt is McCann all grown up is the placement of that rare condition that causes the deformation of the pupil. Yes, it is rare, but that doesn’t mean that two different people can’t have it.

And if you look at images comparing their faces, Wandelt’s defect appears to be straight, while McCann’s radiates away from the center of the eye or the pupil, at an angle. McCann’s coloboma is also more distinct. I’ve found no pictures of Wandelt that show it as prominent as McCann’s.

Based on my limited knowledge of facial features, there seem to be discrepancies between the two that might show differences as opposed to similarities. Wandelt’s fuller lip, brow bones, jawline, and other features just do not scream to me, “I’m a grown up McCann.”

There is also the fact that Wandelt and this Johansson woman decided it was important for the case to travel to Los Angeles, California. In the United States. One continent that is NOT a part of the case. If she wanted her DNA compared to that of McCann, would she not do so in a country closer to where she’s from or where she went missing?

Sus

I believe that Julia Wandelt had ulterior motives. I do not claim to know anything about her childhood (which she claims to not remember because she was trafficked by the same or similar looking German man believed to be involved in McCann’s disappearance) or her life at all.

I do believe in possibilities. Specifically ones that include her having made the claims initially believing they’d get little attention, and it because something bigger. In the day and age of “going viral” it’s not hard to convince people of something. Perhaps it was a hole she dug too deep and now she’s going all in?

Or perhaps she was convinced by someone *cough cough* johansson *cough cough* that she could be the missing girl, and they are looking for some sort of fame from the act, perhaps to free Wandelt from a not ideal life she was living?

Why else would they go to LA thr publicity capital of the world?

Like I said, all speculation.

Regardless

Madeleine McCann is or was a human and it’s an absolute tragedy what happened to her at such a young age. But Julia Wandelt is as well, regardless of what happened to her and what is going on now. And Wandelt has apparently suffered from death threats and harassment over the whole thing.

It is wrong and inappropriate to harass or threaten anyone, regardless of the reason. Treat others the way you’d want to be treated and all that.

But I also think that the parents of McCann are not holding out any hope that Wandelt is their missing child. I think after si king, I wouldn’t blame them. But it must be hard for them to go through this ordeal. Like losing her all over again.

But I am almost certain, like 74%, that these two are not the same person. And if I’m wrong, I will eat my words.

In conclusion

While I’m sure her mother and father would be absolutely thrilled to know her child is alive, Madeleine McCann is still missing, and last I heard, presumed dead.

One can only hope that Julia Wandelt (and her would be guardian and mentor Dr Fia Johansson) is not insisting that she is the missing McCann, solely for the publicity.

It Has Pockets

13 Monday Mar 2023

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But at what cost?

I recently discovered that there is a direct correlation between the size of my pants and the size of my pockets. This is not implying that no pants equal no pockets. Wait, I guess it is. But here I am referring to my jeans. Specifically, the bigger the pants the bigger the pockets.

Allow me to elaborate. I buy most of my jeans, which is all I wear to work, at Lane Bryant. If I need jeans in a hurry, I buy them at Walmart. Lane Bryant is a plus size retailer, my local Walmart location doesn’t carry a huge selection of plus sized clothing. Now most of the jeans I’ve purchased at Lane Bryant are too big. This is not due to my recent Spite Diet. They were always big. All of those too big jeans are so big that if I don’t do something to keep them up I have to pull them up repeatedly throughout my workday. So big, in fact, that I have multiple times threatened to “moon” those around me just by walking or, lort forbid, bend over. The jeans I’ve purchased at Walmart, which are a few years old at this point are all two small (and all different sizes despite the number on the tag).

The few pairs of pants that I do not have to pull up or sinch at the waist, have small pockets. These are the Walmart jeans.

So, the problem is this, the only time that my phone can be put in my pocket without it threatening to pants me in public is when the phone can barely fit in said pocket. I suppose the choice is either struggle with my pocket or my pants.

Yes, this is an absolute ridiculous reason to post. This post is also not about the difference between clothing sizes and retailers. But there is a point.

Women’s Clothing Generally Lacks Pockets.

It is a well-known fact that women’s clothing, at least the bulk of it, lacks proper pockets. The phrase “Thanks, it has pockets!” couldn’t have become a thing without that being a fact. We ladies get super excited when we see we have pockets, especially ones we didn’t expect.

There’s a couple of theories floating around as to why this is true. One is the predominance of men in fashion. Men know how to design clothes that look good on a woman but don’t think about how the functionality of those items of clothing for the people that will wear them. The fact that MEN are more prominent in the designing of women’s clothing, is bonkers. But my theory about that is in the past women were always considered to be not for the professional world. Women belong in the home having families and taking care of husbands. And women back and that day didn’t need pockets to keep things in, but men did.

Another theory is that the main concern when designing women’s clothing is fashion over function. Designers make the items to look good, plain and simple, pockets are not a priority. And done the wrong way on an item, pockets can change the look or silhouette of the item. Like cargo pants. Imagine all the stuff you can carry in cargo pants. And then imagine how lumpy you’d look with them packed full of, I don’t know, marshmallows.

But not only does women’s clothes generally lack pockets, when they do have pockets, they are usually small. “Yes please, I would like the pair of pants with the pocket that I can fit this folded one dollar bill into!”

It’s all about Equality.

Seriously though. Men get pockets in their pants. Have you seen a pair of men’s pants without them? And they have big pockets, too. Everyone deserves pockets.

I do enjoy carrying a purse. I put all kinds of nonsense in there, but I don’t like taking one to work, the place I go most frequently, because I don’t always need all the things I carry in it, and with the Spite Diet, I have to carry a lunch box now. So, I don’t want to carry two separate bags to work when I don’t need most of the stuff in one of them.

Give me pockets and make them big enough for my phone and my Airpods and some cash and some lip balm. I don’t want a pocket that I can barely get my enormous smartphone into without wondering if it’s going to fall out of said pocket and smack its screen on the tile floor of my workplace. I cannot afford a new phone. Oh, and not just back pockets, like on most jeggings (yes, I still wear them, no I don’t care about fashion, sheesh).

In Conclusion

Pockets are just one of those “hot topic” issues that really shouldn’t be. It sounds ridiculous to get bothered by pockets, really. But its a the little things that can make life easier for everyone. Having a place to put a thing you wanna carry, without having to carry a whole other thing.

This post does not have pockets. Sorry.

Controlled Substances

27 Monday Feb 2023

Posted by in Family, Non-Fiction, Uncategorized

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The Kid Has ADHD & I Guess I’m ready to talk about it. Some.

This post was written and edited over a period of multiple weeks. Between personal issues and family issues to weather related power outages, I have managed to complete and post it.

My kid, who has been a glorious part of this world for the better part of this decade is the absolute best thing to happen to me. She is our miracle, as we tried for a long time to conceive and, until I found the right doctor, I never thought I could.

Now, almost ten years later she’s been a blessing. And also we’ve had some of the hardest times because of her.

I feel like a bad parent for saying that but I’ll explain.

The kid has been in daycare for her whole life. I cannot pinpoint for you when the trouble started but there were times, as she got older, that we would get messages from her daycare teachers, the women I often credit with helping raise her, that she was behaving inappropriately and unkindly.

This meant throwing fits and not doing what she was told. I don’t recall her ever purposefully hurting another child, but there have been times when her teachers have messaged me implying that if her behavior continued she would not be allowed to return.

Then school started, but she started school in the midst of a pandemic, and 75% of her kindergarten year was spent with virtual learning. To be honest, they had to give every kid a pass that year, there’s no way they all learned enough to be successful. The last half of her kindergarten year was mostly spent in a classroom. We heard nothing of any issues that year.

But when first grade rolled around we began to hear things. To be honest most of it is a blur. Except the number of times my husband and I had to leave work and go to school because she had a meltdown.

These meltdowns would range from shutting down and refusing to do anything or communicate to outright fits of kicking and screaming and falling to the floor.

No one has ever been physically hurt, but the kids were terrified, and school staff would have to clear the room until she could be calmed. And more often than not I was the only one who could calm her. That makes sense, as I’m often the only one she will listen to at home (no offense dad you know it’s true).

We also learned that she started second grade with an discipline plan, a plan of what to do if the situation occurs. Apparently it started in kindergarten and we didn’t know.

If it weren’t for the constant email updates for her amazing teacher and communication with the principals and staff (except for not telling us about the issue in kindergarten), and their frankness but kindness when discussing it, we wouldn’t have figured anything out. They also made it clear they too wanted the best for her.

It was my sister who brought it to our attention that she might have ADHD. My nephew, who is a teen now 🤮🤦‍♀️ had very similar issues when he was in the early years of school. So we discussed it with her doctor, filled out a form (Vanderbilt Assessment), which also had to be filled out by her teacher.

It was concluded she did in fact have signs and symptoms of ADHD. We started her on medication, first a 5mg dose of Dexmethylphenidate HCL ER, generic for Focalin. We ended up raising the dose to the 10mg when her outbursts continued.

She’s been on the medication for fourteen months. And she hasn’t had major issues in some time. She has and a few incidents but we discovered those are anxiety related. Anxiety can often occur in patients with ADHD. Ninety-nine percent of the time she does amazing. When she has her medicine.

Therein lies the problem.

I do not give her her medicine when she is home. I don’t see a reason to make her focus when she is at home doing nothing. If she is in a situation where she needs to be calm and receptive to instruction and good behavior, or when she might get anxious (I’ve been told my numerous people the meds help with anxiety), we give it to her.

So, the thirty day prescription can last longer than thirty days. And we only pick it up when she’s running low. That is also part of the problem.

Because right now, there is a shortage on many types of ADHD medications. This means that accessing it is difficult. And considering it is a controlled substance, walking up to my pharmacy, where they know me, and asking about it daily makes me feel like a drug seeker.

Honestly I probably need some kind of drug but well not get into it right now.

I’m sure the pharmacy employees are getting tired of seeing my face, but knowing what mg child can be like if she hasn’t had her medicine, scares me.

There have been a few people who have offhandedly commented on the fact that I am medicating her. But I won’t say what I think about their lives. Sorry that’s rude.

The Kid has been without her medication for almost three weeks. While she hasn’t had any major issues, we’ve seen some signs that perhaps she’s nearing an explosion. And that’s what I’m afraid of.

The most we can do is try and grind into The Kid’s mind how to handle her own feelings and emotions and how to calm herself down in case she gets upset. I’d love to not have to medicate her anymore, but I don’t foresee that being a possibility anytime soon.

Drugs y’all.

The Path of Least Resistance

02 Thursday Feb 2023

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I’ve realized I’ve begun to base my life around how many days until my next day off. I was just off a day. My next day off is in three days. I literally just had a day off.

The fact that I am at the phase, or point or stage or whatever of my life that I am basing my life around when I don’t have to work is disappointing. Starting the countdown over again after a day off.

I do not work the same schedule as typical Americans. The average schedule is 9-5 Monday through Friday. The good ol’ 9-5. You hear it in movies and tv shows, newspapers and books and magazines. But not me, no.

I’m a lowly retail worker. We don’t close at 5 or 6 on Friday and open back up at 8 or 9 on Monday. Hour current store hours are 6am to 11pm seven days a week. I’m lucky enough to have gotten, after almost fourteen long years, a stable schedule working the same time every day. But I don’t get weekend off unless I ask for it. And even then it has to be approved my management.

Now, I already know that this living “day off to day off” is a symptom of not loving my job. While there are aspects of my job I do enjoy, and several I have grown to love appreciate, I do not love my job, either parts of it or it’s entirety.

This is a fact of life for many Americans. The majority of which (which I am a part of) simply cannot afford a career change, for one reason or another. So they are stuck in the path they have made and cannot fathom divergence from it.

Personally, I made some decisions early on and over the course of multiple years that led me to not leaving this path.

Think of it like this: you’re young and walking along a road. For several miles it is one lane, one direction. And then suddenly the road widens. Then signs up ahead warn you adulthood is approaching. Once you reach, more signs. Signs telling you “this way for higher education” whether that be trade school or college.

But the path varies for each individual. After college my path divided. Warning signs stated, “try for texting jobs ahead” and “take time off”. Guess which path I chose?

Then there was the marriage path. And then, again, “try to teach” and “job. Now.” I didn’t want my new husband to have to keep paying my student loan payment.

And after that the rest doesn’t matter. Because I quickly passed the detours for teaching and never realized until too late that I’d run out of chances. Except that once, when I interviewed for a teaching position. But honestly at that point the road was out.

Now, the only exits I have will keep me on the same track in the same state. Sure, there is always the potential to attempt a new route to the same destination. And that’s frankly the only option I have to have nicer scenery.

The fact is, I know if I take another route I won’t be happier. I’ll still be on the same level of life that I am now. Aspects will improve but, as has been said, with great power comes great responsibility. The situation doesn’t change, it’s just a little shinier. There’s still rust underneath.

Keys

25 Wednesday Jan 2023

Posted by in Non-Fiction, personal

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One year, for Christmas I assume, my mom got my sister and I necklaces. They couldn’t have been very expensive, by any means, definitely less that $100. But my mom never did anything half way.

Her 100% always came in the form of thoughtfulness and care. When giving gifts she put a lot of thought into it, wanting to get someone something that she knew they would love, or that meant a lot.

Now I cannot remember for the life of me what my sister got. But I remember mine was a key. She told his, when she gave them to us (at least she told me), that she picked them out special, and there was a reason she got us what she did.

I asked her why she got me the key and why it was so special. Her answer was super annoying at the time but also very much her. “You’ll know.” She said. “It’ll come to you.”

Now, this was a long time ago, I want to say I wasn’t married yet. But I tend to remember obscure useless things as opposed to important information, so it’s safe to say I’m getting something wrong. But I do remember saying, “well, I do like keys.” And I do.

(There’s a bag of random keys somewhere in my house that happened to be in my husband’s brother’s belongings when he passed. My mother in law gave them to my husband for me and said, “give these to Crystal, she might be able to do something with them.” I actually have ideas.)

Now, not knowing why she choose the key for me bothered me, for years, but not enough for me to stress it. It wasn’t that big of a deal, and I did love the necklace. And my mom.

But through the circumstances of life, one loses things, they go back and forth, and get misplaced, no matter how valuable they are to you. I cannot tell you the last time I saw that necklace. And it’s not been recent. It hurts my soul that I’m missing something from her. But I’m sure she’d understand, she’d lost enough of her own items in her lifetime.

But I recently remembered it. I often do, when keys are involved.

When she died (I’ve always found “passed away” to be an odd saying) we were going through her things, as tradition sees fit. I never understood why it had to be rushed. But one of the things we decided to search through was her jewelry box.

Said jewelry box has its own history. She’d had it for many many years, I believe since she was 16. It’s beautiful and old and full of the most random items, that are NOT jewelry. Except the mood ring.

We went through that box that day, looking at all the little trinkets and knick knacks and items she’d hoarded with the best intentions. Pictures and figurines and pennies. Locks of hair and crumbled four leaf clovers.

All of it has attached memories and stories and lore that will never be shared again, at least not in the most perfect, wonderful way she told it. Memories lost of a lifetime turned to ashes blown in the wind one humid sunny day.

On that jewelry box, whose hinges had been pried off for access previously—I do not know who by, nor whether their intentions were good or bad, there is nothing if monetary value there—is a lock.

The lock is a sturdy one, strong. By a company that I believe no longer exists. The reason the hinges were pried off, was because they couldn’t get to the lock. Now, Mom had lost the key multiple times. Which isn’t hard to believe, knowing her and how long she’d had the jewelry box. There were two keys.

That day, the day she died, and we decided to dig gently through the physical representations of my mother’s youth, reliving the memories of the stories she told about every single item, I somehow became the guardian of one of the keys.

I now keep the key, hanging from a chain, with two cheap mother of pearl style buttons decorating it. I sometimes wear it out and about, and like to imagine that she’s near when I do.

As the years have gone by, as they do in spite of our best wishes, I think of my mom less often, and those thoughts are more often less sad. I’ve had one or two very very brief seconds where I have forgotten, for a glimpse of a moment, that she is gone. And living in the momentary thought, that maybe I could still call her number and tell her, “goodnight, I love you” is pure bliss.

But wearing the key to her jewelry box, and somehow the key to her memories and a key to memories of her and with her, I am reminded of that key necklace. And her reason behind giving it to me.

“You’ll know.” She’d said. “It’ll come to you.”

I am the keeper of a key. Her key. My key.

My world needs you, but you do not need this world. 🔑

Lazy Day

16 Monday Jan 2023

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Today was Martin Luther King Jr Day. So the kid had a day off school, and it was my regular day off work. So we got to have a nice lazy day at home.

I managed to make myself a breakfast that my Lose It app said was only at grams of fat. And it was good!

And after I dragged myself away from TT I worked on the third drawing challenge some more. Took ages but I’m finally happy with the dragon. But the coloring part is giving me an aneurysm.

I was looking for free Procreate brushes that would help with dragon scales. But all the ones that lol like they’d work are paid. And I know I won’t use them again, so I don’t want to spend the money.

But he’s almost done so I’ve got that going for me. Which is nice.

I’ve been a bad at dieting the last few days. Went out to eat with my sister and her kids for my nephews birthday and I didn’t try to do well. I’ve also forgotten been too lazy to meal prep the last few days. I also had Dino nuggets and fries for dinner. I feel bad, like I disappointed someone. When I’ve got no one rooting for me, really.

I really just want to give up and drink me a Pepsi and eat me a couple pizza rolls.

But I’m also saving money by packing my lunch. So. I guess I’ll stick with it. Just like I’m sticking with this blogging thing.

Hopefully Cora tomorrow.

Also it’s raining so I’m expecting to get dropped on the head in my sleep

Lazy Day

16 Monday Jan 2023

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Today was Martin Luther King Jr Day. So the kid had a day off school, and it was my regular day off work. So we got to have a nice lazy day at home.

I managed to make myself a breakfast that my Lose It app said was only at grams of fat. And it was good!

And after I dragged myself away from TT I worked on the third drawing challenge some more. Took ages but I’m finally happy with the dragon. But the coloring part is giving me an aneurysm.

I was looking for free Procreate brushes that would help with dragon scales. But all the ones that lol like they’d work are paid. And I know I won’t use them again, so I don’t want to spend the money.

But he’s almost done so I’ve got that going for me. Which is nice.

I’ve been a bad at dieting the last few days. Went out to eat with my sister and her kids for my nephews birthday and I didn’t try to do well. I’ve also forgotten been too lazy to meal prep the last few days. I also had Dino nuggets and fries for dinner. I feel bad, like I disappointed someone. When I’ve got no one rooting for me, really.

I really just want to give up and drink me a Pepsi and eat me a couple pizza rolls.

But I’m also saving money by packing my lunch. So. I guess I’ll stick with it. Just like I’m sticking with this blogging thing.

Hopefully Cora tomorrow.

Also it’s raining so I’m expecting to get dropped on the head in my sleep

Common Core Math is Not the Problem

02 Monday Jan 2023

Posted by in Education Adjacent, Non-Fiction

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You Are.

It’s not the curriculum that is being taught and it’s not the teachers who have to teach it that are the problem, it is the parents who were never taught it who are.

Do not misjudge my point. Or do, I’m not the police. But fighting over common core math is a pointless endeavor maybe.

What is Common Core Math? And why do it be?

Yes, I know I don’t use proper English. Have you even read my posts?

Common Core is a set of standards adopted by states, which governs the way that subject matter is taught in public schools. Common Core Math is just one subset of Common Core, which I will abbreviate to CC for the remainder of this post. CC includes language arts and mathematics subjects taught to K-12 students. It is a set of standards that are the same throughout the United States, throoughout the states who have adopted it, which is important considering education is dictated and governed by individual states.

Honestly, I’m researching as I write this, most of my prior knowledge about education and its practice comes from education I received over a decade ago and never used. So, I mean, don’t quote me. The state of Kentucky, the state I was born and raised in, got my education degree in, and currently live in adopted Common Core Standards in 2010, two years after I graduated from college. Actually, according to my research, Kentucky was the first state to adopt CC, out of all those who did so.

States have always used their own set of standards in education, but CC was created in 2009 and states began to adopt it as their education standards in 2010.

Former Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue and I co-chaired the initiative to create the standards because we shared the concerns of lawmakers, teachers, school leaders, businesspeople, and parents that expectations for our students were not high enough to prepare them for life after high school. Although the effort was entirely voluntarily, 45 states ultimately adopted this set of fewer, clearer, and more rigorous standards in English language arts and mathematics. With the input of educators, policymakers and experts, we laid out the knowledge and skills students need to be prepared for college and career opportunities and set practical bars for them to achieve.

Link

Basically, CC was created to improve the learning of and prepare students for growth and life after high school. There was an idea that the standards were not high enough for students to gain the knowledge they needed to succeed in life as adults. So, someone saw a need for it and created a solution. Each state voluntarily chose to adopt CC, as each state was given control over their education systems. These standards were also created to establish a set of standards that could be used across all 50 United States to equalize education throughout the country.

What’s the Problem Though?

The main issue I see with the adoption of CC by states is that the parents of today have not learned the way that their children are currently learning. The kids who started learning with CC are, at the oldest thirteen years old, and babies shouldn’t have babies that need to learn based on CC standards. Meaning that there shouldn’t be a soul who learned that way who has a kid that needs help.

Like I said earlier, I went to college to be a teacher, an elementary school teacher, and I graduated two years before my state adopted CC. I do not recall being taught HOW to teach kids with CC standards.

Why is doing so as hard as it seems? Well, because CC Math isn’t just teaching kids that 2+2=4. It’s teaching kids that to get the answer to that problem, you need to figure out how to add it step by step.

For example:

This is a math problem my child will have to do tomorrow evening, at home, with me. The second image is me trying to figure out where the 30 came from.

The whole idea for this post came from me having to deal with frequent messages to a message group created by the teachers of my child’s grade. One parent was, let’s just say, not thrilled with the complication of the problem. Where, in fact, did the 30 come from? The problem does not explain the existence of the number 30. I assume it’s existence in the problem came from rounding up 27. That would explain one of the threes. Maybe? Yes. I don’t know.

My theory as to why these problems are so complicated is that it can cater to children’s different learning abilities and also contribute to critical thinking skills. How is there another way to figure out how many kids joined the first 27 kids to make a total of 63, besides subtracting 27 from 63 (which is, in fact, 36).

Actually, the problem is already done, they literally just trace out the answers. At least The Kids likes to do that.

In fact, this sheet is part of a four page, back and front, packet that she brought home that has to be done by Friday. I don’t like to rush her or over work her, but she wanted to do ALL FOUR PAGES tonight. The kid likes math, and I’m not mad.

Now, had there been more of an explanation to the problem, perhaps access to an article or video or something that the parent could have observed and understood the problem better, maybe there would have been less issue. But these kids aren’t given textbooks to read to take home, they have their own workbooks that sheets are removed from when they have work to bring home.

There is some controversy with CC. More than one or two states who have adopted the standards have repealed them Wikipedia says that Kentucky adopted them in 2010 but repealed them in 2017. A quick google search reveals that to be false. Republicans wanted to repeal the standards and also make charter schools a thing, which, no. Republican’s said that because the state’s students were not improving on their test scores (do not get me started) that CC needed to go. But based on that article they only started making noise once Obama gave his thumbs up.

The Thing Is

If parents understood CC better, math being the biggest issue from what I can tell, then I think they would have less issue with it. In a way, CC complicates education, and doing so makes it difficult for teachers to teach it and parents to assist their children in learning it. And having nothing to go by but a worksheet with mystery numbers can increase a parent’s frustration. And not being able to help your kid when you need it can lead to that kid struggling, and every suit’s favorite thing–numbers–get affected.

And by numbers I don’t mean math problems. I mean the test scores by which students’, and there for the schools’ progress is measured. And teachers have had to teach to a test and not to a student for years, long before CC, and having funding for those schools depend on the numbers complicates matters further.

I’m going to put all of this simply, using the same explanation I’ve used for a number of things in the past, and will use again in the future. Someone is always going to find a reason to hate something, or stir up a ruckus, no matter what you do. Repeal Common Core, then the things that change will be what everyone else has a problem with,

My Opinion

Common Core is a subject in and of itself and it is complicated. On the one hand, I can see the benefit of having one set of standards throughout all of the United States. I can see the benefit of having math problems that teach multiple ways of finding an answer, and lessons that trigger a child’s critical thinking and problem-solving skills. On the other hand, having something so compilated and hoping the parents, who don’t all have college degrees in education (perhaps the old system failed them?) and no way for them to know how to find the answer the way the problem is asking, puts a burden on the parents, who feel like they are failing their children.

Me? I’m just going to do my best to help my math loving child. She got that from her dad, by the way. I hate math.

The Spite Diet

01 Sunday Jan 2023

Posted by in Beauty and Body, Non-Fiction

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I’m tired and moody and don’t feel like writing a good blog post. So here’s this.

What is The Spite Diet

First it should be noted that The Spite Diet may not be right for everyone. But don’t consult your doctor because that’s why it’s called the Spite Diet.

The Spite Diet (or TSD) for short is exactly that. A diet started out of spite and in order to prove one or more person(s) wrong.

For example: not only am I trying to prove my doctor wrong, but also myself. You see, I have unintentionally maintained the very same weight, give it take a few pounds, for years. Which I think is better than continuously growing.

At my recent yearly checkup my “lady doctor” suggested I talk to my general practitioner about a diabetes drug for weight loss.

First off ma’am you put me in metformin years ago and that did the trick IN THE WORST WAY.

Anyway, I nodded and said ok. But in my head I thought, Nah, my dude. I’m not trying to lose weight now, why would I take medicine from people who need it?

But then I had gained like two pounds.

Well a few weeks later I saw said general practitioner and thought for a split second, “well maybe”. But no, I decided that I wasn’t about that life. But he did want to see me again in three months.

And I had also gained three more pounds. For a total of five gained. Since November (Five at least. There’s a possibility that it was more but I can’t access those numbers).

So, I made the snap decision that I wanted to see how much weight I could lose (I almost wrote gain lort help me) in three months. Three months because it’s a good amount of time to see some change, and I’d have access to the same scale that I was weighed on last time. Consistency is key.

But how?

Well, I accidentally forgot to not pay for an app. If you click the link, it’s a blog post I made about forgetting to turn off auto-renew on the yearly subscription to that app. That app, by the way is called LoseIt. It’s a fitness and tracking app that lets you log everything from food to water and tracks your fitness and calories and macronutrients and such. And it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than Noom.

Anyway, I’m using the app to log my food, my water, my sleep and my weight. It gives me a calorie limit and even tells me how many more I can consume based on “bonus calories burned”.

I’m also in a 12:12 Intermittent Fasting (IF)plan (also not on the advice of any doctor). When I lost some weight before I had The Kid, I was on a similar plan, that was basically me not eating after 8. With this VERY LOOSE IF plan, I eat between 8am and 8pm. I can also have all the zero calorie beverages I want.

What have you eaten on your diet?

Well, day one was unhealthy because I hadn’t really “started”. It involved cup noodles, a snack cake, and corn dogs. Not all in one meal, obviously. But that was what I had that day.

Day Two was a little better. I got some protein shakes, and enjoyed that with my chocolate fudge pop tart for breakfast. On lunch I went to the next door grocery store and got a few items to make a salad. These lasted me three days. It included spring mix greens, diced ham, cheese, and grape tomatoes. And some really good ranch.

I know that part of my problem is portion control, so I made sure to try and use serving sizes of each item. But the greens said it was two servings, the ham was a 2 oz bag and said one serving was half the bag, a quarter cup of cheese was way too much, and the tomatoes were a serving size of like 15?

I wanted to make it last over multiple days and I did. I finished off the greens and the tomatoes today. I still have a good amount left of the rest for at least one more salad if I just get the rest of the ingredients.

Last night was my favorite dinner so far, of the three days. A Turkey burger Patty with garlic and herb seasoning, an 1/8th of a tablespoon of butter and broccoli with butter and seasonings. Was better than I thought and I will eat it again.

I am also very proud of myself for not having a pop for three days now.

Stats

Starting Weight at Doctor’s office (12/28) : 325

Weight on my home scale (12/31) because I need a point of reference until March: 316

My only goal is to see how much I can lose and eventually get down to 300. I think that’s a good attainable number. I just gotta get better at the meal prepping.

In conclusion

Check out the Lose It App. You can sync your Apple Watch, like me, or other device to track your fitness and steps. If you have tried Noom (like me) and don’t enjoy the whole “read this today” thing, or the price point, Lose It is a great option. You can use it for free with limited features or pay $30.00 a year for all of it.