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Crash Landing

Crash Landing

Category Archives: Just For Laughs

A Case for Yeeting Pumpkins (or other large fruit) from a Roof.

26 Saturday Feb 2022

Posted by crashdlanding in Just For Laughs, Non-Fiction, Rant, Truth, Yeet

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crash landing, crashdlanding, goals, large seasonal fruit off a roof., non-fiction, pumpkins, retail, watermelon pumpkin, watermelons, work, Yeet

Yeet.

As many of my readers know, I have worked at an unnamed retail establishment for almost thirteen years. I do my very best to not mention the name of my place of employment the same as I do not name my spouse or offspring.

Honestly it wouldn’t be hard to figure out, but you will never catch me saying it on purpose. It’s a personal preference and I also feel like they wouldn’t appreciate it.

Especially considering I’m about to complain.

Because I have been trying to convince someone, for ages, to let me YEET A PUMPKIN (or watermelon) FROM THE ROOF.

Yeet.

Imagine the stress relief. Imagine the amusement. Imagine, if you will, the sheer joy that would come with the sound it would make hitting the pavement!

Of course, I would insist on an area where no passerby or pedestrians would be in the way. The back of the building is facing a rock wall. It is paved and people and things rarely go back there. I would lay down tarps or heavy duty plastic myself.

I would even roll up the waste and dispose of it with my own two hands!

HECK I would BUY THE AFOREMENTIONED FRUIT MYSELF.

I just need one or two (or seventeen) good YEET(s).

Yeet.

That’s all it would take to ease my stress, satisfy my curiosity, and

MAKE MY ENTIRE YEAR.

In fact, someday I’ll be old(er) and gray(er). And I would tell my grandchildren: “Retail Establishment let me Yeet a <insert large seasonal fruit here> off the roof. And it was…

And they’ll probably say…

But you know what? I’ve been having a rough couple of weeks, and just creating this post made me laugh and forget my problems. If only for a moment.


Thanks for Reading

-c


Yeet.

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Death Song

11 Sunday Aug 2019

Posted by crashdlanding in Just For Laughs, Non-Fiction

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Tags

crash landing, crashdlanding, dark humor, death, humor, non-fiction, writing

I’m back with another random post! Who knows when you’ll see me again after this!

I hate driving in the rain. I especially hate driving in the rain, especially in the dark. The rain makes everything darker. Like the night of nighttime. It’s even more difficult to see in the dark when it’s wet.

As I’ve mentioned before, about a third of my drive to and from work is riverside. At night I’m on the side closest to the river. I have very often pictured myself hydroplaning in the rain, losing control and veering off into the guardrail and into the river.

I have a very active imagination.

When I’m driving, I am almost always listening to music. I have 400+ songs on my iPod, and they range in genre to country, pop, musical and animated movie soundtracks, to 80s and more.

The other morning, in the rain, before the sun had risen, I was driving to work, in a car that has something called a “rack and pinion” going out, I was listening to music. No idea what song was on when this thought hit me, but I wondered, “What song will i die listening too?”

There’s way more songs in my iPod’s library that’d rather not hear as I breathe my last breath, or slowly drown in a muddy raging river, than songs I would.

“Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny” by Lemon Demon a perky energetic tale of all the literary, television, and comic book characters you can imagine battling to the death to find the ultimate champion is not what I’d want to hear as I lay dying. NOTHING on the Wicked soundtrack seems like a good idea either!

There’s a song from the “Brave” soundtrack that starts “how did we let it come to this?” “Well I don’t know, Julie Fowlis. I thought my tires had more tread and could hold their own against a little water. Guess I was wrong!”

-c

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Passive Aggressive

29 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by crashdlanding in Just For Laughs, Non-Fiction

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list, passive aggressive, worst enemy

Things to wish on your worst enemy: (just for laughs)

  1. “May your pillows always slide between the bed and the wall.”
  2. “I hope your lips stay chapped and you can never find your Chapstick!”
  3. “May your phone never be where you left it!”
  4. “May the room in which you sleep always be too warm for covers and too cool for a fan!”
  5. “I hope your bedtime partner always snores just loud enough to keep you awake but quiet enough not to wake them up!”
  6. “May the toilet you use at a party always almost overflow–enough to make you freak out but go down at the last second!”
  7. “May your colds always be the kind where you can breath out of one nostril but the stuffy one is the one that runs!”
  8. “May your break time nap always be interrupted by a caring co-worker!”
  9. “I hope it rains on all your days off!”
  10. “I hope you get bird poop on your car EVERY TIME you wash it!”

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