And welcome to day one of “Let’s see how many days in a row I can blog until I either give up or lose my ever loving mind
It’s not like I have don’t have enough to stress about. Because believe me. I do. I recently discovered why my tire on my truck keeps losing air. And it’s not just the cold temps.
THERE’S A FRICKING SCREW EMBEDDED STRAIGHT DOWN IN MY TIRE. Its almost as if someone did it ON PURPOSE.
Side note: I just got the absolute worst medicine stuck in the back of my throat. Y’all ever had a bad cold and been prescribed steroids? Yeah. Worst taste in the world.
Anyway, I know I’m not the best person in the world. I know I’m not the coolest or the most well liked but I sincerely hope that no one intentionally sabotaged my tire.
November 17th is Apparently a bad day for me.
It busted out the mirror, dented around the handle of my car door, scratched the side panels with its antlers, and left bits of hair along the back fender.
I hadn’t had my license four months, it was around 10pm. I had gotten off work and was on my way home. I managed to keep my composure long enough to get home and I got emotional.
I’d made the mistake of eating food. I’d skipped lunch and ate on my last break. Mostly under peer pressure. “But you’re pregnant you can’t not eat!”
Hell yeah I can and I should have. I felt it happening as I walked out the door and managed to turn to the side out of the way of where customers would walk and just let it go.
The Husband was picking me up from work that day, and didn’t see it happen as there was a car in front of him (they got a show tho). I was, however, watched by a coworker who literally stared, said nothing and just walked in the door.
A friend (who really doesn’t talk to me anymore) happened to come out, I think I warned her, and my “mess” got cleaned up I legit felt better after but was cautious to eat the next day.
So what happened today?
Oh besides being screwed? By a screw? In my tire? Well, my kid had two separate meltdowns at school, leading her teacher to message me multiple times. She eventually calmed down both times, but it ripped a hole in the delicate fabric of my day.
Considering it’s really hard for me to have a good day, and this was the beginning of my weekly four days in a row, it’s not hard to rip me a new one.
The fact that people with less of a tenure than myself are moving up and moving out of my place of employment, and here I am, content to be useless. At a job that, let’s face it, I do not love. Even if I did want to move up, knowing that doing so and my child not having a single week of consistent good days? Let’s just say, it seems entirely too selfish looking for a better position and knowing I’d inevitably lose time with her, which is important when she struggles.
I’ve often said, maybe when she gets a little older and she has adjusted to her struggles and learned to understand what’s happening in her mind and how she can fix it, maybe then I can feel confident in moving up.
But it feels a little selfish that it would mean some piece and quiet, if I’m alone sometimes.
All I really wanted to do today was come home and play Lego Star Wars on my Switch.
Having too much money at your disposal makes you absolutely bonkers. I believe it’s a fact of not having to worry about where your next meal is coming from or how your gonna pay for a new roof when it’s starts leaking through your ceiling and onto your head when you sleep.
That got a little too personal.
Case In Point: Kanye West is Bonkers
In case, on the off chance, you’ve been away from the internet for, I don’t know, ever, Kanye West is a perfect example of how having too much money makes you crazy. “Ye” or whatever he goes by now, has absolutely lost the plot and forgotten what it’s like to be a person human being.
Most notably and within the last six months West posted to Twitter, obviously, that he’s “going death con 3 in Jewish People”.
First off, Mr. “I Don’t Read Books” it’s “DEFCON”. And it is a defense readiness condition system used my the military or Air Force in order to determine how ready they’d need to be in case of imminent danger or threat of nuclear warfare. If I’m wrong blame me and Wikipedia.
But most importantly he is exhibiting this classic “bonkers” symptom: antisemitism.
Antisemitism was a very real reason for World War II and we all know how that turned out. Hint: NOT GOOD for a lot of people but mostly JEWISH PEOPLE.
Based on the barely decipherable content of the tweet in question (pictured above) Mr KanYe is blaming his problems on Jewish People. Now, while I may be influenced by the internet I have no idea what problems he may or may not think he’s having. They are likely something he’s made up in his own head instead of perfectly normal problems likely to be suffered by average non-incredibly wealthy people.
Because the only problems that he could be having right now are those you have by simply being uncommonly wealthy.
Let me take a moment to make a statement of my own. I want to make it undeniably clear that I am by no means making light of possible serious mental health problems of any one individual or group of people. Through my random readings and my more recent focus on the subject at hand is have learned, only vague details of his being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
While a “fan” recently claimed he was “off his meds” West did not outright deny the fact, just talked his way around if calling it “dismissive” to claim he’s off his meds “anytime I speak up.”
My use of the term Bonkers is not poke fun at or make light of mental health struggles.
While Kanye has been banned from Twitter (I believed he blamed the Jews for that one too) he has managed to attempt to use multiple social media platforms.
He continued to mess things up for himself by saying whatever pops up in his head. Because of his multiple antisemitic remarks he’s been dropped from companies, he’s been shunned by brands and pushed away by collaborators.
A person is granted freedom of speech from the government t by the constitution. But when you are in the public eye, and Kanye is very much in thr public eye, your words can come back and bite you in the butt. And I’m the golden age of the internet I’d which we live, you can say one thing and it will reach millions within the hour.
Someone like him, especially considering his history and because of his wealth, is being watched constantly. One problem that he definitely has that is 100% his fault, is the responsibility the think before he speaks. Because his every word will be scrutinized within minutes of sharing.
If you are in the public eye, you don’t have the freedom of speech. You have the freedom to say what you want, but the responsibility to use your words wisely. Lest they be used against you in the court of public opinion.
I recently took an 8 day vacation from work. When I came back from it I was feeling much better emotionally. However, things are starting to building up like a digestive tract that hasn’t gotten enough fiber.
The Ship Maybe Be Sinking
First off, I’ve known for a while that I’m not the kind of friend to some that means I’m on the list of “hey she should know about this”. In fact I’m not on that list of many people in my life. I tend to learn things about people secondhand.
I’ve know this information for a long time, and I’ve decided to not force the issue so as not to bother or annoy anyone, I have also decided I’m not going to dip my toes into a wading pool I’m not invited too. These decisions are made for my mental health so I do not linger where my presence is not requested.
This was all a conscious decision and of my own freewill. But I’d be gosh darned if it doesn’t still hurt a little.
I’m 100% sure that I’m likely just as “at fault” in relationship maintenance as others. The same way that it takes two to tango, it takes two people willing an able to make a bond strong.
I have lost a number of friends in my day, and I’ve had all manner of reactions to it. But no matter how it happens, whether they’ve just disappeared or we’ve drifted apart, I still mourn almost as if there were a death. But the death of what one thought was mutual still stings.
Raising The Kid
After ten months of struggle, and thinking I’d finally reached a plateau, we’re back where we started, basically.
In December of 2021 the hubs and I made the decision that it was time the Kid started sleeping in her own bed. For basically all of her life, she has slept in the bed with me. Now I don’t want to discredit my husband and baby daddy, there were a few nights he took over. But his batting percentage is significantly lower than mine.
The decision was mostly prompted by repeated issues at school resulting in discipline being required. And when you have to punish a kid, allowing said kid to sleep in bed with her mom every night seems a little counterproductive. We made it clear to her that she wasn’t being pushed out because I didn’t want her, she was being guided gently to her own space because it was time to grow up.
Also she’s getting big and a full size bed doesn’t have enough space for the both of us.
She was doing really well. I was doing really well with taking her back to her room at night when she’d wake up. But vacation changed the tune. Because I didn’t have to work every day, I wasn’t making her stay in her room.
So when vacation was over, I couldn’t bring myself to crawl out of bed in the middle of the night and make her go to her room, lay with her until she fell asleep and trudge back to my room. It’s just easier and I get more sleep than all that. Except the rare and glorious occasions when she SLEPT IN HER BED ALL NIGHT.
She hasn’t done that more than a handful of times since my vacation. Waking up this morning after sharing my bed with her for about four hours last night, my hips and joints and head were hurting. I spent most of that time laying in one uncomfortable position to accommodate her and her need to be physically touching (or often on top of) me. Wanting her to sleep in her own bed all night so I could sleep alone makes me feel like a bad mom.
But my lack of willpower to refuse her when she comes stumbling into my room in the middle of the night when I’m drowsy in my own bed makes me feel like a bad mom too. I can’t win for losing.
The Roof The Roof is leaking and it’s becoming a problem.
I’m not even entirely sure at this point how long there has been a leak in the ceiling over my bed. We have lived in this house for thirteen years. There are at least two leaks in the roof over the living room and one over my bed.
Well, it turns out there is one long leak.
Water, while it has no mind of its own, will follow the path of least resistance. That trait, combined with the force of gravity telling it what to do, leads it to create a path of destruction. While your first thought of water might be of something gentle and flowing, water, given enough of it, can begat floods.
While I’ve not had my life flipped over by a flood, I do have the slow and gentle destruction of my sanity by a small leak in the form of a drip, just over my bed. Where my head lays.
I can’t remember when I first started noticing it, but it’s been a problem for a while now.
You see, my whole house, floor to ceiling is wood of some form. The walls and ceiling are the same material, wood slats. And in this wood, like can be found in most wood, are knots. And my leak seeps slowly through a knot.
Now, I don’t know why I assumed that it was just dripping straight down onto that knot. And not the actual truth. That the water leaking through the roof has to build up and likely form a puddle for it to leak through.
Because just the other morning, after staying up all night making my kid a costume for Halloween I noticed a wet spot at the foot of my bed. On the bed. At first I thought, oh, I might have laid a wipe there, since I was using them to clean brushes.
After The husband and Kid left for school, I looked into it. Nay, it was not a wipe. In fact it was another drip. The water from the leak in the roof, wherever it is, had built up, and was now slipping through the joints in the slats of wood. It found the quickest and easiest way through and was dripping at the foot of my bed.
I followed the seam of the wood all the way down and it’s right in line with the leak at the head of my bed.
Now, I had previously manufactured a temporary solution to having a drip of water on my face every night. It’s what I like to call a hillbilly MacGyver situation. Dollar tree edition. But while temporary meant “until we’re able to fix it”, it decided it was done with my nonsense early this morning.
Now, not only is my pride hurt and I have a red mark and a lump on my forehead, but I had myself a good old fashioned mental breakdown. I cried in bed not just because it hurt, not just because I got slapped awake with a bucket to my noggin, but because eventually this leak is gonna get worse and I’m going to be covered by what’s used to be the upper part of my house.
Combine all of the above with a constant feeling of failure, feelings of inadequacy, of uselessness. If being broke and depressed, and I am weaving a dangerous web with what the universe keeps throwing at me.
There are an alarming amount of people that would taking having a bucket dropped on your head as a sign. Gravity, after all, was discovered when Newton got sacked on the head by an apple.
But Newton didn’t put the apple on the tree waiting for it to fall. I stuck a bucket to my ceiling in hopes of postponing the inevitable burning down my house in a fit of rage after one too many drops of water interrupted my sleep. So this is all just a sign that I’m a complete idiot.
Don’t worry this won’t be your typical recipe blog post, you’ll get the story after the “mediocre at best” recipe.
1 – 12.5oz can Great Value chicken breast (I prefer name brand but it’s what I had)
1 – 10oz can Rotel diced tomatoes and chilies (first time using this)
1 – 14.5oz can GV petite diced tomatoes
1 14.5oz can GV whole kernel corn
1 – 15oz can GV Black Beans
1 packet GV Taco Seasoning
4 TBSP Butter
1 cup white rice
Shredded cheddar cheese to taste
In a medium pot throw your canned chicken, (drained), Rotel, petite diced tomatoes, corn (drained), black beans (drained). Heat in medium heat, to a simmer.
While that mix cooks, wash your rice. I use a rice maker. One cup of rice to one cup of water. Add in the dry taco seasoning packet and whisk together for consistency. Toss in the butter. I forgot that step this time.
Turn off the heat to the pot if meal prepping (what I do) and use a fork to break up any chunks of chicken. I prefer it this way but if you like it chunky, you do you. Once the rice is done, stir to make sure your butter is evenly mixed. I divided it into two containers (since I forgot to rice my butters I threw some on top, it will melt). I sprinkled a think layer of cheese on top the rice then topped it with the mix from the pot. Then more cheese.
If meal prepping, like me, allow to cook before putting the kit in and putting in the fridge. I don’t know why. Everything always says to do that.
The first time I made this I just used the petite diced tomatoes, not the Rotel. The Rotel gives it an extra kick. I also put the taco seasoning in the mix and not the rice. I think I’ll skip the Rotel next time, but keep the taco seasoning and butter in the rice.
I made two portions and had mix left over. Of course, according to the rice bag I made like three servings of rice. But you could make more rice and not change anything else and feed more than two people.
While the Rotel did give it a kick, The Kid actually liked it (even if it has tomatoes).
Ground beef would be REALLY good in it! I also think a little dollop of sour cream and some tortillas on the side wouldn’t be bad. Or skip the rice and throw it on a bed of lettuce.
I clearly am not a professional chef and The Hubs is becoming a better cook than me. But Ya Girl is broke again, and she wants to be able to put gas in her truck. So no buying lunch where I work. I already had all the ingredients but you could probably make it with all the same items abs no changes for less than $20. And unless your a hungry hippo like me, you can feed two or more people. I set aside enough for two days worth of work lunch for myself.
It tastes good to me, and the kid, despite the extra heat. And according to the Lose It app, my original recipe is only about 212 calories. Which, I might have lied about the amount of rice. I can’t remember.
I was once asked if not having a place to go to “visit” my mother’s remains, like a gravesite, was hard.
I’ve thought about her a lot lately. I think about her every day, but it’s usually a small blip of, “oh that reminds me of her” or “she would have liked to see The Kid do that”. But lately it’s more significant, more tangible.
I was going through my closet, searching for things to rid myself of, the clutter of life collected after 37+ years of living. I happened upon a tote full of purses. There was a Dooney and Burke handbag my mother in law gave me, a Coach duffle, that’s probably fake, and a purple purse.
This purple purse has significance to me. I eyeballed this purse for a month. Told myself I didn’t need it, couldn’t afford it. But it was only $35, I think. I wanted it badly, but knew that I only carried purses for a little while then stopped.
I eventually convinced myself to get it, it’s not a fancy brand name, it’s not the best looking purse. But I got it and told myself I’d carry it forever. I think I did for a long time. My iPad fit in it and so it became a briefcase of sorts.
I eventually bought a pretty floral wallet and pouch to match—purse organization is important—and was so proud of it. But eventually, like every purse, I stopped carrying it. I got bored of packing one, it got too full and heavy, I just didn’t need all that stuff.
But guess who decided they wanted to borrow it? Yep. My momma.
Mom was a purse lover. She was very particular about the purse she carried. And apparently the purple purse suited her needs. So I loaned it to her.
She was also a smoker, however. Up until the last four months of her life she smoked heavily. I knew the purse would come back to me reeking of the smell, but being the daughter of smokers, I’ve learned how to get rid of it. So it didn’t bother me much.
By the time she died one April, I’d completely forgotten about the purse. I don’t know how long she’d had it. But after her death, we were going through her things as a family, and there it was, still in good condition, with the wallet and pouch still in fine shape as well.
And it did not reek of cigarette smoke. It smelled like the faux leather it was made of, the house it was stored in, and by association: her.
Everyone has their own unique smell. A combination of bodily chemistry, and the things we surround ourselves with. That’s why perfume can smell different on one person than it does another. Just like everyone, Mom had her own unique smell. Her bodily chemistry, the house she lived in, and yes even the cigarette smoke.
The thing is, I never smelled the smoke on her, unless she was actively smoking. and even after she quit completely, I never smelled anything but her.
And when I opened up that tote with those purses just a few days ago, I didn’t at first recognize that smell. It was a nostalgic smell, a scent of dusty old memories kept in an enclosed container for far too long. And it had been so long, more than four years in fact, since I looked at that purse, I didn’t realize the significance of it.
But then I opened it up, after having tossed it aside to view the fake Coach duffle (I’m pretty sure it’s fake based on the format of the serial number don’t tell my mother in law it’s fake). Inside that purple purse, was the wallet and pouch, but also another reminder of my mother. Two unused bottles of Vanilla Fields perfume, still in the box. Her signature scent and absolute favorite.
Our last Christmas with her I’d purchased her four bottles, it was just a few dollars a bottle—a Christmas special—I gifted her some every year. And every year she was absolutely thrilled to have it. She’d open one up and immediately spray some on her neck and wrists.
Also in the purse were two tubes of lipstick, one I’d given her and one she’d purchased herself. Both had been used and both, being at least five years old, weren’t in the best of shape. Like the perfume, the lipsticks have gone off too.
Of all the things I’d gathered up that day to put in my mother-in-law’s yard sale, that purse, and it’s contents, will not be finding a new home. Between that being something I had to convince myself to buy, and her being the last to carry it, it stays.
Perhaps one day, when I’m feeling like carrying a purse again, instead of shopping around for a new one, I’ll dig into that closet, to the bottom tote in the middle, the black one. I’ll open up that lid, letting the smell waft out and permeate the air, and pull that purse from storage.
But then it’d start to smell less like her and more like me, and I don’t know that I’m ready for that.
Is not having a gravesite to visit when I’m thinking of my mom hard? No. Not only do I have a purple purse that smells of her, several pairs of earrings that belonged to her, but also, a small glass bottle of her ashes. I also have her with me, in my heart and mind.
These fleshy husks of skin and bone and tissues aren’t going to last forever. These are not who we are. These are what carries us around this mortal world. When our bodies finally reach their expiration date and spoil, we leave them. 37+ years in and I still don’t know where the rest goes, if anywhere. But I know that she is not those ashes or a body that those ashes became. She is the memory that I have, triggered by the smell of that purse, those bottles of Vanilla Fields. And I can visit her, and talk to her anytime I want. She may not answer back (I’d question my sanity if she did) but I know I can remember her anytime I want to.
If you’ve been here for a minute, you know that my day job is in Retail. While I never outright name my employer, I will say that I primarily work in the health and beauty area (at least that’s what I tell myself).
So, here is my attempt at connecting my day job to my website/thing I do late at night when I should be sleeping.
Over the last several months I’ve come to the realization that my store had practically no baby powder. I came to this conclusion because customers were asking about it, and we had none in the typical location.
Now, this lack of merchandise wasn’t just limited to Johnson’s. The store brand was out of stock for some time as well.
What is Talc or Talcum Powder
Talc or talcum, is a clay mineral, composed of hydrated magnesium silicate. Talc, in powder red form, often combined with corn starch is used in baby powder.
It is used in about a million applications in several fields. From todays topic, baby powder, cosmetics, food, ceramics, and metal coating, and so much more.
Talcum powder was invented in 1894. It is the powdered form of talc, a mineral with a value of 1 on the Mohs hardness scale. Talc in its natural form, had been be used for many years before that. And of course it was Johnson and Johnson that first started manufacturing and selling Talcum Powder.
J&J Baby Powder with Talc
When The Kid was an infant she had baby acne. Basically just tiny little bumps on her face, that looked almost like pimples, that came from moisture on her sensitive skin during feeding. I’d read that putting baby powder on it can keep it dry so the bumps would clear.
I posted about doing so on Facebook. I had a handful of people telling me that baby powder isn’t good for babies because they can breathe it in. The way I used it was gently brushing a small amount on her cute little cheeks, with minimal dust.
She never had any issues and I never really used it on her much after that. I have used baby powder in myself, since sometimes when it’s hot and you have extra dinner rolls in your basket, well it gets damp. But it was infrequent usage.
So why did Johnson’s Baby Powder with Talc disappear from RETAIL ESTABLISHMENT’s shelves?
The product was discontinued and pulled from shelves this year due to “tens of thousands” of lawsuits alleging that the talc based product was causing cancer.
Talc & Asbestous
Talc, in its natural form is found in close proximity to Asbestos, a naturally occurring but known carcinogen. Talc and Asbestos are both silicate minerals and therefore are often found having formed near each other.
So, mining one mineral, if one isn’t careful, could result and contamination by the other. It’s not the Talc itself that’s said to be causing ovarian cancer in women, it’s talc contaminated by asbestos.
J&J claims that only pharmaceutical grade Talc is used in their baby powder. They have strict standards, which, of course they would. The link above also discusses how talc can be found and many different products we use every day.
There’s a lot of information there, but as it is a website created for and by Johnson & Johnson, believe what you will.
While Johnson’s does push that their talc based products are safe, and that talc itself is not cancer causing, it is believed that product was not as quality controlled as they’d let you believe, and the product was contaminated with asbestos.
Is talc safe? Well, it has been used for a more than a century and has found its way into products from chewing gum to cosmetics to industrial uses. If it caused cancer, wouldn’t more people have had cancer?
But there’s also the conspiracy theory that I literally just thought of and have not read anything about, that if it causes cancer and we’ve been using it for years, perhaps that’s the leading cause I’d cancer? Is talc the reason we have so much cancer?
But it would all have to have been contaminated by asbestos, right?
In 2020c Johnson’s discontinued the sale of talc based powders, and plan to stop the sale worldwide by 2023. This is said to be purely a business decision, and not proof that the product was ever unsafe.
The talc based powders have been replaced in stores, including mine, with corn starch based baby powder. And it’s not just the Johnson’s brand either. The store brand also contains no talc.
While these products have been removed from markets in the US, there are still countless products containing talc still on shelves. It remains to be seen if other companies will follow suit and preemptively remove their products. But the mass exodus of recalls flooding the market would leave little to no product on shelves.
It’s more likely that perhaps these uncountable companies will quietly work toward replacing talc in their products, before the cancer scare hits their profit margins.
After Birthday Month Blogs and doing this blogging/writing/chaos thing for 30 days in a row, I feel like I’ve been slacking. I mean, I’ve published exactly two posts since the last day of BMB.
And despite the fact that I now know and understand that I won’t make any money off this blog/website, I still want to be here. So I’m developing a game plan.
My first RF since the end of BMB was a total flop (meaning it’s still sitting unfinished in my drafts), the idea I had for it was *chefs kiss* but the switch in my brain got flipped into long form mode instead of short. I don’t want to bore you with it.
But since it’s not in high demand I’m going to work on it at post at my leisure. Which means I’ll probably put it off until I feel absolutely terrible and rush out some for awful crap BUT I’m gonna try to have it out by next Friday (8/19) when it would have been on Spotify.
That’s not to say it’s not still in my head. It’s there. Oh how it’s there.
BUT Randomized Fiction will still be a thing, at least until I get through all the options on the wheels. Then we will see.
Pretend Fantasy Novel
I’m going to start actively working on it next week. Well maybe Monday (8/15). What that means is posting regular updates (my definition of regular) to the FB page/group and polls. One of the first orders of business is AN ACTUAL TITLE. As with everything PFN related, it will be chosen via polls. All of said polls will be found on FB. Links will be added at the bottom of the page.
While any actual writing done in the PFN will be shared with the twelve main contributors to the FB Group, it will be available for wider release for sure in book and kindle book form.
But I plan on choosing one other long term project to focus on, in addition to PFN. This project will be shared chapter by chapter solely as premium content. This means that there will be pay wall where someone who wants to read the story gives me money and they are granted access.
This will not be like PFN in that a select few get the story for free. Since it will not be a community project, I don’t have that “they helped write it, they deserve early access” thing. It will, however, eventually be self-published, like PFN.
The title that I’ll be starting will be determined by…
No go on. Guess!
As will ALL of my polls they’ll take place on my Facebook page.
I will first write up individual proposals for each story. I’ll ask the group to read them and after they’ve all been shared, I’ll post the poll. There will be at least three proposals, perhaps more.
The Pretend Fantasy Novel, the Mystery Project, and Randomized Fiction will be my only fictional projects until further notice. Unless I have some random inspiration and write my little heart out.
I’m going to try do so more “weird news” content, like GIANT AFRICAN LAND SNAILS. I really get a kick out of those. And general nonsense. Also, I’d like to do another “You Don’t Need…” I’m thinking of turning that series into podcasts episodes as well.
All Randomized Fiction will be available for listening on Spotify. Were I wealthier and could justify spending the money, I’d make them available on Apple Podcasts as well. But right now I talked myself out of a $22 sweater at Walmart cause I accidentally double paid my one of my credit card payments. So, like. Broke.
Anywho, that’s the rough draft of the plan right now. I’ll keep ya updated. Check the socials below for more accurate weather forecasts. Wait.
Like today at work, I started thinking about the most random thing.
I saw some dude carrying a six pack of Ale-8. If you don’t know, I’m from Kentucky, and Ale-8 is, to some, a state treasure. I’m not a fan, but if this says anything, my dad put it in my nephew’s baby bottle. I mean he was old enough but still.
Anyway I saw that dude carrying that six pack, and I thought, “that’s a good alternative.” You know, to alcohol. I don’t have anything against anyone who drinks. I just think that it can make smart people do stupid things, and can become a problem for some.
He was carrying that, and I remembered the most obscure random memory I haven’t thought about in ages.
One time, my mom came home from grocery shopping and I guess my brother had been asking her to buy beer? And I remember he was showering and she brought home a six pack of Ale-8. And I thought it was so funny that she’d want to go in there and tell him she got him a six pack, and trick him, that I followed her through the house to hear his reaction.
Oh to go back in time and relive the days when something some simple could bring me joy.
And then something else made me think of that golden time, just after I graduated college, and before I got married. My then boyfriend had proposed to me with a Nintendo DS, and a few months later, for my birthday, he got me a new game, Mario Party. I took a picture of us with a digital camera, sitting on the couch. I can remember the shirt I was wearing, what my hair and glasses looked like. We were just hanging out at my house (before I moved out of my parents’ house) and just each other’s company.
Oh, and those times my sister and I would just start laughing and we couldn’t stop, and we’d get so loud that in the next room that dad would yell at us to be quiet. But we couldn’t stop and tears were rolling and it just made us laugh harder.
Or that time it was just me and mom, and we sat with a jar of Lay’s Ranch Dip, not long after it was first available and we’d sit and enjoy that dip and watch tv together. Or when we house sat for neighbors when they went to the beach (and took my sister). Or when I’d spend the night with her when she stayed with the elderly bedridden woman, she took care of
Sometimes I think about all these memories and feel happy. Sometimes I’m sad. Sometimes I wonder if there will be any memories like these for my child, memories that make her happy and sad and long for simpler days. Or will they just all be iPad this and iPad that? Or will there be “mommy was at work so daddy took me to the park.”
She’s under ten, so maybe the lasting memories haven’t been made yet. But what if when they are made, my body has finally said, “You’ve ignored my warning signs for too long, I’m useless now and cannot be repaired.” Then the memories will be tainted with me being more broken and tired than I am now.
What are some of your core memories? Memories that make you a little happy and a little sad at the same time?
I’m really trying to engage with my readers here. I know there’s about five of you!
I’ve spent the last 30 days writing and posting a blog every single day. Okay some days were cheating. I’m sorry, no body is perfect. I’ve stayed up late nights finishing posts, I’ve carried posts into the next day and still posted for the day. I’ve learned a lot
What I’ve Learned
I’ve learned that doing this (gestures to the blog) daily is a full time job. If you want do do something like this, having a whole other full time job is not going to make it easy.
I’ve lost more sleep, literally, over this month. Simply because I’ve stayed up late on work nights to get a post done before midnight. I’ve fallen asleep in front of my computer.
But man I had fun.
I’ve also learned that no matter how you post or what you post, it’s still not going to make people read. Especially people who know you.
es to the blog) daily is a full-time job. If you want to do something like this, having a whole other full-time job is not going to make it easy.
I’ve lost more sleep, literally, over this month. Simply because I’ve stayed up late on work nights to get a post done before midnight. I’ve fallen asleep in front of my computer. Oh, and also, last night I had my first dream about blogging.
But man I had fun.
I’ve also learned that no matter how you post or what you post, it’s still not going to make people read. Especially people who know you.
Top Posts of the Month
Excluding this one, of course. Let’s see which posts did the best, and try to figure out why.
I’m Doing It Again: July 16: 45 Views, 18 Visitors. This post was about how i was beginning to dream about being a teacher again.
Album Review: “The Wiser Moon” – Ap Harbor: July 27: 24 Views, 24 Visitors. This post was an album review for a friend’s band’s album. I’m sure it did as well as it did because of the connection to him and his band.
The Things I Use: July 29 Views, 13 Visitors: A poorly and quickly written list of items I use in my “business”.
I have zero legitimate explanation for why these particular posts preformed the way they did. The posts that were fiction, and the posts that I put more effort into, like “Giant African Land Snails” were all on the mid to low range of views.
My highest performing post of all time is one from March. It’s about how I forgot to cancel a yearly subscription to a weight loss/meal tracking app. I get notifications almost daily about new likes. Yet I cannot seem to get view information.
I’m guessing I won’t know if I’ve earned any extra ad revenue from the full Birthday Month of Blogs, until tomorrow or later, as it seems to post that info for the month. So, financially, probably not.
But any any other way? I supposed “consistent” posting might have helped me get new followers, but all of the posts from the month and historically are fairly all over the place and no cohesion. I cannot seem to stick to one type of blog!
What Would I Do Differently?
I have no plans for doing this again anytime soon, but if it turns out I’ve made some change off of it I might try again. But if I did there are several things, I’d do different.
First off, I would preplan and possibly prewrite all my posts. Including any extras, I might want to make for them, book covers, videos, images, etc. This would save me time and worry. I’d know what I wanted to do and when I wanted to do it.
I would also be more consistent, with posting and with content and promotion. I have several different social media accounts that I use strictly for sharing blog posts and related things. I would better utilize these outlets to promote the posts.
Finding a way to do this and not add more stress to my already enormous pile of stress trash, would be key to convincing me to try this again.
First off, I’m going to take a small vacation from posting here. If something comes to mind and I want to share it here, I will. But other than that, at least for a week, expect good old inconsistent Crystal to return.
After that, I do plan on making “Randomized Fiction” a permeant fixture. Even if I only gave myself about 24 hours to write and post it, I had fun doing it. This time, though, I’ll “spin the wheels” a week in advance and work on it and post a week later. I will be posting all of these and other posts to the podcast, as well.
I’ll also be adding a page (these are linked at the very top of the website) dedicated strictly to “Pretend Fantasy Novel” details. There will be a thorough recaps and updates to progress, which I will return to regularly working on soon.
There will be more coming soon, but right now, I’m ready to catch some zzzzz…..
This is the next to last day of Birthday Month Blogs, and you all will be glad to see less of me, I’m sure. Tomorrow is going to be a rundown of the month, including “was it worth it”.
But today is going to be “How can I Afford keep doing this?”
How can I afford to keep doing this?
By “this” I don’t mean posting every day. Nooooo. By “this” I mean keeping the site/blog/etc. Like, financially. In a previous post I mentioned how in February 2023, my 1-year subscription with the site will be up. And how, at the time, I didn’t spend much time here, despite the fact that I enjoy being here. It just wasn’t a cost-effective option for me.
However, one of the things I’ve learned is that I would really and truly miss it if I let it go. So, there’s a plan. Sort of.
I have about five months until I have to pay the bill. The bill totals $186.
Here’s what that covers:
Domain Name: $18
G Suite $72
Now, $186 is a lot of money for someone who is perpetually broke. Like, bills paid but still a little bit of struggle broke. But if you divide that up by five months that’s 37.42. Round that up as I’m wont to do, that’s $40 a month. That would be about $20 a paycheck. Now, if I wanted to upgrade to the Business plan, which is required for monetization, then that’s, well, a lot more money. Basically, double I’d have to save. Still, I could manage at least one plan.
Fun fact I recently discovered that I was over a month in advance on my truck payment. That’s right, I didn’t necessarily need to send out the money I had budgeted to pay my payment. And I could use that money on what I needed (like lunch to eat at work, and little things for my kid) and still be able to pay my bills, and my truck payment closer to the actual due date.
I’d been paying this thing early because one time, my second or third payment, got lost in the mail, and in order to avoid a late fee, I had to pay it online via CHECK, and they charged me an extra $25 to pay it online. That is a whole lot of nonsense. I also despise my loan company. But just like family, we don’t get to choose them, if we go to a janky dealership at the bottom of a hill to buy a truck you saw on a whim and end up getting a different truck entirely.
Okay, we seemed to have strayed from the point.
The point is that I am going to attempt to save money to keep this nonsense going. I am also going to contact WordPress and say, “Hey, my dudes. This domain name is free with purchase of a plan, right? Lemme get that discount friend.”
I’m sorry that was unnecessary to the storyline. I’m just really sleepy. Don’t you love this chaos?
This is just a joke, do not take me seriously I am just throwing in nonsense that is available on this website okay. But if you WANT to donate to the “Save the Site” fund…
IM KIDDING SHEESH
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Save the Site Fund is a proud sponsor of Crystal’s Nonsense. Please disregard.
Save the Site Fund is a proud sponsor of Crystal’s Nonsense. Please disregard.
Save the Site Fund is a proud sponsor of Crystal’s Nonsense. Please disregard.
I promise, aside from the not-really-begging for donations, this is what I’m like in real life. Chaos. Chaotic Neutral? Chaotic Good? Is there a test for that? I’m sure there’s some kind of test I need to take.