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Crash Landing

Crash Landing

Category Archives: Rant

A Case for Yeeting Pumpkins (or other large fruit) from a Roof.

26 Saturday Feb 2022

Posted by crashdlanding in Just For Laughs, Non-Fiction, Rant, Truth, Yeet

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Tags

crash landing, crashdlanding, goals, large seasonal fruit off a roof., non-fiction, pumpkins, retail, watermelon pumpkin, watermelons, work, Yeet

Yeet.

As many of my readers know, I have worked at an unnamed retail establishment for almost thirteen years. I do my very best to not mention the name of my place of employment the same as I do not name my spouse or offspring.

Honestly it wouldn’t be hard to figure out, but you will never catch me saying it on purpose. It’s a personal preference and I also feel like they wouldn’t appreciate it.

Especially considering I’m about to complain.

Because I have been trying to convince someone, for ages, to let me YEET A PUMPKIN (or watermelon) FROM THE ROOF.

Yeet.

Imagine the stress relief. Imagine the amusement. Imagine, if you will, the sheer joy that would come with the sound it would make hitting the pavement!

Of course, I would insist on an area where no passerby or pedestrians would be in the way. The back of the building is facing a rock wall. It is paved and people and things rarely go back there. I would lay down tarps or heavy duty plastic myself.

I would even roll up the waste and dispose of it with my own two hands!

HECK I would BUY THE AFOREMENTIONED FRUIT MYSELF.

I just need one or two (or seventeen) good YEET(s).

Yeet.

That’s all it would take to ease my stress, satisfy my curiosity, and

MAKE MY ENTIRE YEAR.

In fact, someday I’ll be old(er) and gray(er). And I would tell my grandchildren: “Retail Establishment let me Yeet a <insert large seasonal fruit here> off the roof. And it was…

And they’ll probably say…

But you know what? I’ve been having a rough couple of weeks, and just creating this post made me laugh and forget my problems. If only for a moment.


Thanks for Reading

-c


Yeet.

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Title

30 Thursday Dec 2021

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction, Rant

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

comment, crash landing, crashdlanding, facebook, life, like, non-fiction, social media, subscribe, validation

It has been 18 days since I logged out of Facebook.

I received an email attempting to lure me back.

90 notifications lol

I logged out for multiple reasons. The biggest one being that I had relied too much on the potential of what it COULD give me in spite of what I wasn’t getting.

The frequency with which I was “thinking in Facebook posts” in order to get a reaction or response, the fact that I got more feedback from my dreams than serious posts.

And even worse, starting to make a comment on someone else’s post, only to back off and not make it at all because I assumed that they wouldn’t care if I said anything at all.

But also, knowing that 90% of the people on my friends list wouldn’t likely speak to me in person if they saw me.

Social media of any kind is a method of attempting to receive validation from others that your existence has value and meaning in someone else’s life. Of course a lot of social media is people who have brand deals or sponsorships or some ware they are hocking. These individuals have already had their existence validated by society. Now they are paid to or are given free things as living advertisers.

We had a society want other human beings to do absolutely normal or even completely bizarre things for us to observe and comment on.

Positive or negative, no publicity it’s bad publicity.

Am I judging these people? Well, yes, certain ones if I’m being honest. Would I be perfectly thrilled with receiving something for free because I have it a good review one time? Yes. But I prefer cash.

Simple validation that my existence on planet earth and online meant even the most minuscule amount to literally anyone on Facebook made me feel good about myself. And the fact that it felt like I grew to need even the smallest amount of acknowledgment from anyone saddens me.

But most of the time I could go an entire fray of posting a range of things and get absolutely no response from anyone, and I would be heartbroken and assume that no one cared about me.

Simply put, my emotional instability was the opposite of helped by my constant need for attention and validation and acknowledgement via Facebook.

Also I watched way too many videos.

Have I quit social media completely? Lord no. I’m here aren’t I? But this website is my very poor way of trying to make myself know to the world as a writer/blogger/maker. I’ve been trying for a long time and get little acknowledgment and validation lol.

I also still randomly use Instagram and Twitter. Though I often forget about both and still get very little attention there. But I’m used to it.

I also have a dummy Facebook account where I post gibberish and use it to control the CrashdLanding Facebook page and Crash Landing Site Group. I’m too lazy to link them. (By too lazy I honestly mean I’m fighting a head cold, I’ve already had my medicine and my melatonin and I’m so tired my eyes are pointed in two different directions and I keep closing them and it takes me longer and longer to open them back up)

I also STILL watch too many videos.

This has gone on long enough and my tummy is upset from too much medicine on an empty stomach.

As always, thanks for reading (and validating my existence)

-c

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Stupid “News” of the Day

26 Monday Jul 2021

Posted by crashdlanding in celebrities, News, Rant, Stupid

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Ashton Kutcher, celebrities, crash landing, crashdlanding, Mika kunis, news, non-fiction, stupid news

Link

I read so you don’t have too.

In a word: yes. A dermatologist said something along the lines of up until puberty bathing your kids once a week is perfect. Once puberty hits, you’re gonna smell them so once a day.

Kutcher says “if you see the dirt, bathe them, if not you’re wasting you’re time.” Basically.

He’s not the only one, as Dax Shepherd and spouse Kristen Bell do the same.

The simple fact is this article is pandering to normal peoples’ desires to either live vicariously through or judge celebrities. We want a reason to hate them or to love them.

Personally I think they sound like normal people. “Im super busy so I’ll wash my kid if they smell weird but I ain’t got time for nonsense.

It puts the lotion on its skin or else it…loses its protective capacity.

Moisturize the kids (and adults) after bathing because your skin doesn’t do the thing it’s meant to as well as it should.

Wash your pits and your “junk” more frequently. Because… well… duh.

(In case you don’t know those get the stinkiest).


Thanks for reading

-c


My kid hates a bath. Until she’s in it and then she doesn’t want out.

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Back That Thing Up

14 Wednesday Aug 2019

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction, Rant

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

back injury, back pain, crash landing, crashdlanding, health, non-fiction, work

If I could go back in time I wouldn’t miss work, I’d just power (stumble) through. But if I could go back in time I guess I could probably prevent the back injury to begin with.

So, a week ago now, I was just minding my own business and getting out of bed and felt a twinge of pain in my lower back. Literally, all I did was get out of bed. My first thought was, “Ow,” for obvious reasons. But I’d felt very similar twinges before (my husband didn’t think that was a word a while back, in your face hubby) and they’d just gone away.

This twinge didn’t go away but instead simply GREW. The more I moved around the less I was able to move around. Within an hour I was in tears, trying to not make any verbal declarations of pain (don’t scare the kid) and telling my husband (and sister) via text that I needed a doctor.

Mistake Number One: going to an After Hours Clinic instead of a doctor office or ER.

This was a mistake for a reason I’ll get to later. But I chose an after hours instead of the emergency room because of money. An after hours wasn’t going to charge me to lay in a bed or breathe their air.

And of course I wouldn’t be able to get in to see a doctor same day or within the hour. Which will also come up later.

I went to the after hours clinic and saw an APRN. I didn’t know that was a thing until I googled it. It’s “Advanced Practice Registered Nurse” apparently. “Crystal’s Definition” is “high wizard nurse” or “super nurse”. Anyway, she poked my back, checked my breathing, asked questions, gave me a shot in both butt cheeks (well not her, Super Nurses don’t have to touch butts if they don’t wanna) called in a muscle relaxer and a steroid (aka placebo and vomik) then sent me on my merry, stumbling, toddler-walking way.

I went home (we stopped for Blizzards at DQ, when mamma is sick we get ice cream) and the hubs went and got my meds.

Steroids are the nastiest tasting thing on the planet. I can say this since I haven’t had some of the others in a while. And I have zero evidence the ‘roids or muscle relaxer did a thing!

I had work the next day, early. But my thoughts were: if you cannot bend down enough to sit on the toilet without wanting to cry, then you probably shouldn’t work. So I called in, and moaned and groaned alone in my home (too “dr suess”?).

Two days I called in and knew I didn’t have anymore I could take, so I told myself I had to work Saturday. While I was better able to walk without quite as much pain, and I’d figured out how to sit without dying a little each time, I wasn’t in good enough condition to work. So after about half an hour I left.

THAT WAS MISTAKE NUMBER TWO because it led to not only why mistake one was a mistake, but all the rest of the mistakes after.

Yes, had I stayed I might have spent half of my eight hour shift crying in a corner (but not in a fetal position I couldn’t do that). But I would have (A) gotten paid, and (B) not had to start the Leave of Absence process.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The company I work for now has a two step verification process for logins into all outside facility apps and websites. This is to protect employees from all this hacking nonsense. ITS THE DEVIL. Especially if you have to log on multiple times and don’t have a cell signal. I had to go outside, toward the end of my driveway three times in two days, when I’m partly immobile, to call in and attempt the process for LOA.

I still ended up messaging my Personnel Coordinator and she put in the request for me. M if your reading this you’re the bomb and that call today I may or may not have been on the potty sorry.

Now, even though I’d gotten out of the house for the After Hours visit and a hot minute at work, I was beginning to go a little stir crazy. I ended up cleaning from the edge of my bed, yes. Cleaning. I used a stick and back scratcher to reach things I wanted to grab and get rid of. But even a few minutes of this and my back was mad at me.

I ended up having my husband make a third heating pad (damp towel in the microwave), I took four ibuprofen and fell asleep. When I woke up that was the best my back had felt in days.

While I was off I watched two movies, Season One if “The Boys” on Amazon Prime, contemplated the meaning of my life, felt completely and utterly useless and needy.

The only positive to come out of this whole thing is that, before, my ankles where my issue. I couldn’t be on them more than an hour without wanting to cut my feet off (ask my coworkers). But since I’ve been forced off said feet, my ankles haven’t been bothering me. Of course that’ll change as soon as I get back to work but I honestly don’t care. I’ll take care of them eventually but right now I’d cut them off if it meant I COULD work.

Also between visits to After Hours (I’ll get to visit two in a sec) I’ve somehow LOST seven pounds, DESPITE, doing absolutely nothing for five days.

So, for my leave to be approved I have to have a DOCTOR fill out some paperwork, which includes a return to work form. I legit don’t know if I need any of this to go back but I’m going anyway.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

If you don’t know me personally (and even if you do you might not know this) I have had, for most of my life, a crippling fear of phone calls. Like, making phone calls. Is it anxiety or just laziness? The world may never know. Anyway, since working at (employer for last ten years) I’ve come out of my shell more and mind it less. However, since being in my “sick bed” of a house I guess my anxiety has come seeping back because I HATE MAKING PHONE CALLS. My husband called after hours for me today to see if they could fill out my papers (THEY SAID YES). I kept putting it off. If I had of done it myself I might have gotten the right answer.

I’d had every intention of working Tuesday, as I didn’t want to miss anymore. But I was scared of pain (wimpy wimpy wimpy) and didn’t want to make my situation worse. So I called in again, with every determination to get my papers filled out and go back by Thursday (I’m always off Monday and Wednesday). So I called a doctor office I used to use before my doctor turned tail and ran (sorry dude it’s funnier if I say it like that). I hadn’t been back in a while since I didn’t have a doctor there and medical care costs money. I’d had a doctor recommended to me and I tried for an appointment.

However, even though they had all my information and history, they were treating me like a new patient, in that there was a wait time. The doctor I requested had no openings until OCTOBER. The soonest they could work me in with anyone was a week. I DON’T HAVE A WEEK. I told the lady I’d call back (I haven’t yet).

Eventually my husband offered to call After Hours for me, and they said they could fill out the paperwork, and we made plans for him to come get me and take me (apparently I don’t like driving myself places anymore either?). We got there, and we went through the motions of waiting and paying a copay and eventually vitals (hubby took kiddo to Walmart and bought me some otc pain patches. I’ll let ya know if they work lol). So when triage asked me what I was there for I told her about the paperwork.

She went and asked the APRN. She told me that she couldn’t do it since they weren’t my primary care doctors, they hadn’t taken me off work, and they haven’t evaluated my ability to go back. So after driving all the way there, waiting much longer than I’ve had to wait in their office before, getting my vitals (I lost seven pounds) and paying a copay, I wasted my time.

I was ready to cry in frustration (not the first time this week) and pain.

Don’t worry this long post is almost over.

So tomorrow (technically today) I’ve got to try to convince a doctor to see me (hopefully same day) and fill out some papers so I can go back to work the next day. I mean I’m gonna go back Thursday anyway. Who cares if I only last a little while.

But if this leave doesn’t get approved, I’ll have well over my allowed unapproved absences, which is grounds for termination. In order to get it approved I have to have these papers filled out ASAP. I’ve worked for (REDACTED) for a decade. I like my job. It’s not my dream job (teacher, writer, comedian apparently) but I like it, it pays well, and I can’t imagine myself not working there. It’s my family. Also I have bills. Lots and lots of bills.

So unless someone wants to pay me a large sum for the movie rights to “Black Friday: A Zombie Story” I’m screwed. I’ll sell “Darkness” too. It’s pretty ok.

FOR THE RECORD: I am by no means dissing my workplace, employers, coworkers, or corporate. I understand and abide by their attendance policy and actually think it’s pretty generous (it used to be more generous but it’s still pretty decent). Nor am I downing the After Hours Clinic, or APRNs. Or the doctor office I called.

I do in fact hate my body and wish I could trade it in for a nice, gently used, good condition, upgrade model, but alas I am not a car.

Always, thanks for reading.

-c

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The Struggle is Real

01 Saturday Jun 2019

Posted by crashdlanding in Family, love, Non-Fiction, Rant

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children, family, love, struggle, tired, work

I often have days where I want to stop. Stop. Give up. Quit. Throw in the towel, give up my seat. Give away. You know?

Today was one of those days. I didn’t have enough. Enough people, enough money, enough time, enough energy. I felt like I was messing up around every corner. And it was the busiest day. That made everything worse.

I stopped to do something and someone needed me. I had lines I had to shorten, and not enough people to shorten them. Get them down and they filled back up. Thought about doing something that I needed to do, I got pulled away.

I feel like a failure.

I feel like I’ve let everyone down.

Struggle. Struggle. Struggle.

When does it stop? When can I stop?

But now I’m home, two hours after my shift should have ended I’m crawling into bed. Next to my sweet one. My heart. My sunshine. She’s asleep but I can snuggle.

Snuggle snuggle snuggle.

And for a few hours I can pretend all is right with the world.

Because I did something right with her.

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Right Wing? Left Wing? CHICKEN WINGS!

20 Friday Jan 2017

Posted by crashdlanding in Politics, Rant, religion, Uncategorized

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Tags

2017, fear, hate, inagruation, nonfiction, Politics, president

I am not a political person, though I am a registered democrat. As a 32 year old, I registered this year. I did not vote in any election. This is why I don’t feel I have a place in the discussion of the controversial new president. While I am not a Trump supporter (I wasn’t a Hillary supporter either) I do feel that it is in the best interest of this country, the very same in which I am raising my child, to at least give him a chance and hope that he does in fact do good things. 

I also firmly believe that PEACEFUL protests are a person’s right. Violence is not, nor will it ever be the answer. But, none of these things are going to make a difference. Love him or hate him, Donald Trump in your president (if you live in these United States). 

I am also not a religious person. I’ve had my own difficulties and confusion over religion and God, I have my very own set of beliefs and doubts. But I do know that God says love each other, be kind to each other. 

This hate is one of the very reasons people dislike Trump. Yet, here people are spouting hate and anger towards him. People who say they are Christians and follow the word of God and the bible and go to church. Is this what God wants? I really don’t know. Tell me!

If hate and violence are what we reduce ourselves to, what we allow ourselves to give in too, isn’t that just the same as Trump’s hate? Aren’t you the same as him?

When Dondald Trump was elected president I feared for this nation, this world, and it’s people. But it’s starting to look like we are bringing ourselves down before he can adjust his office chair to suit his preferences. 

–

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People Shaming

14 Saturday Jan 2017

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction, Rant

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

fat shaming, fear, Friendship, obesity, people shaming, selfconscious

The following is a post I made to my personal Facebook page. A friend had shared one of those “tag so-and-so, I’m looking for him” memes of an overweight person. The obvious fact that they were intending to make fun of or embarrass someone with an image of an overweight woman makes me wonder if they make fun of me, an overweight woman. It concerns me, as a person with feelings (go figure) if they feel the same about me. 

The text: 

Do you make fun of me because I’m fat? Do you look down on me, call me names, or laugh at me and my size when I’m not around? Are you better than me because you’re smaller? 

You post pictures of overweight women and laugh at them. 

I am an overweight woman. 

If we are friends and you think “oh I don’t see you that way” but you still laugh at fat people, I think there’s some confusion there.

Don’t think that just because we know each other I’m not saddened/ashamed/embarrassed/depressed when I see you laughing at someone who is also obese. 

I am by no means trying to (a)oppresses healthier people, (b)glorify overweight people, (c)make light of the health concerns of someone being overweight. 

Believe me I am conscious of my weight, I see myself naked in the mirror and don’t like how I look. I know my health is at risk, I can literally feel it in my heart. 

I don’t enjoy being fat, but I know that it’s part of who I am and will always be. I’m sure, when people think of me, “you know, the (fat/heavyset/overweight/rotund) girl with the glasses” has always been part of how I’m known. It’s hard to avoid when describing me, honestly. 

I was fat when my husband met me, married me, made a baby with me. I might always be plus size (I refuse to let myself go further than 4x though) and he will love me anyway. And if he stops loving me, I bet a dollar it won’t be because I’m plush (yes. Plush. Nice). 

But having to wonder if I’m looked down upon by people I like to hope are my friends, because I weigh more than my joints, muscles, and heart can handle, isn’t something I’m keen on. It’s been a very very long time since I’ve cried about being heavy. I used to be afraid that my weight kept me from having friends. Experience tells me it’s the people I was surrounded by and devastating shyness that did it. 

But I am 32, talkative, friendly I’d like to think, and rather hilarious at times, I’ve made many more friends that I had in school. And I’ve been a fatty all my life. I don’t want to be afraid that people are being false friends because I’m fat. 

I am fat. I’m heavy set, I’m voluptuous, I am rotund, I am plush, I am fluffy. These things are all part of who I am. Laughing at me, making fun of me, looking down on me, or disrespecting me (with or without my knowledge) would be the same as using my need for glasses, my red hair, and my green eyes as reasoning for the same. 

If you don’t like me for those reasons, of you have a problem with fat people in general (a) please for the love of all that’s good in the world unfriend me and (b) take a quick look at yourself. I bet a dollar you’ll find something about you that you’d feel bad if someone made fun of. 

I just want to be friends. But knowing a person laughs at people with a similar characteristic as myself, makes me wonder where I stand with them. 

I did not direct this in any way to the individual who posted the image. I named no names made no hints (other than that they’re smaller in size than I. Which, let’s face it, narrows nothing down) I as to who did. Many have posted similar images. 

I’m not fighting for social justice, I’m not bashing anyone’s freedom to post. I just wonder. They made fun of this woman. Do they laugh at me as well? If they do, I don’t need them. 

-c


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Faith based

15 Sunday Nov 2015

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction, Rant

≈ Leave a comment

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confusion, faith, family, love, religion

I have lied about my faith (or lack-there-of) several times in my life. Not many, but enough for me to lose track, even though I was never counting. 

Those few times, for one reason or another, have been with good intentions, or because the individual I was lying to didn’t need the intimate details of my personal war with religious confusion. Yes, I’ve had customers ask me if I were a “good Christian”. I’m sure they had the best intentions. 

But you will not find lies here, when it comes to my fluttering faith. I would never pretend to be anything I am not. I am no atheist, and I am no Christian either, I suppose. I’m a confused floater, destined I suppose, to linger in limbo–never fully forming a pure belief system. 

But I’ve decided something today. 

I would never put my church, should I ever adopt one, before family. 

Whether that’s what has been done here or not, I cannot on good authority say. Perhaps what this person is doing is out of fear, and staying away will put off the inevitable-whether or not it’s sooner or later.

But from my end, a very distant end, despite proximity, it appears to be the truth–that church has come before family–and that makes me sad. Sad for the person who misses the other. Sad for both, when the inevitable occurs. 

My conclusion is this: I cannot see a faith being for me, if said faith–written or not–“encourages” church over family. Growing up we weren’t the poorest of the lot, but my family was by no means well-off. A lot of the time all we had was family and each other. And keeping each other safe and healthy was important. My mother instilled that importance in me when she put her children before all else. 

And I’m not trying to minimize the importance of the bond one may have with their “church family” and I would never condemn or belittle anyone for their faith–I’d expect the same respect.

When you’re born, you are born into a family, and that is the first thing you have. Good, bad, or ugly. But if that family is good, and you are loved and wanted, I cannot see where said family would be less important than your church.

I generally try to be as vague as possible when I think, on the off chance, someone I know personally might read my posts and take offense, be hurt, or upset in some way by what I say. But I’m about to make a slight exception. 

Give an old man your time. He loves you, and he is scared and hurting. He’s not even my blood, and I’m devestrated at the thought that the time may be upon us that he will no longer be in my life. 

Finally thought: love your family while they are here. You never know how long you’ve got. Don’t let yourself have regrets. 

-c

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Misinterpretation 

09 Monday Nov 2015

Posted by crashdlanding in Rant, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

confusion, facebook, misinterpret

 Do you ever wish you could go back in time and record conversations? 

I had one today that I’d like to have a copy of so I could go back and replay it over and over and analyze again and again. 

Sounds healthy, right? No? Welcome to my world.  

For a moment the conversation in question eases some of my stress/burden/frustrations. 

But then my brain happened. 

It happened hours ago and I still cannot stop myself from over thinking its contents and reinterpreting its meaning. 

(…)

I’ve realized many things lately. It’s hard (for me) to tell who my real friends are, who really cares about me. 

I’ve realized that if you want to maintain contact with someone, don’t give them your number, ask for theirs. If they don’t give it or volunteer it, staying in contact with you probably didn’t mean much anyway. 

Sometimes your (my) absence really isn’t noticed. 

There were a few people who cared only about seeing pictures of my kid. 

Sometimes number of friends on social media matters more than quality. How many friends do you have on Facebook? What percentage of them do you actually talk to?

I didn’t miss Facebook. And now that I’m back, I miss not having it. 
-c

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Someday

01 Sunday Nov 2015

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction, Rant, Truth

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

depression, money, upset, work

I had initially planned on posting this to Facebook (I’ve still NOT reactivated) but decided this would be the best place. It’s mostly just my ranting after a difficult day.

I am not a happy person. I haven’t been one for a long time, now. Of course, I love my child, my husband, my family, my friends. But there are a number of factors that have contributed to the decline of my mental wellbeing. Namely: work and money.

There have been a certain number of changes in my workplace that haven’t gone over well for me. A number of things have happened and are happening that either make me angry or depress me. And making myself accept these changes as something I have no control over is difficult for me. 

While I have always known that I have no control over what happens at work, I have had to come to the realization that no matter what I want to happen or what changes I’d like to make, and no matter how hard I try–such as a position or shift change–I will never be given the opportunity to do so. No matter how much I want it. 

Money has also played a role in my changes. Foremost is the knowledge that because I got used to NOT having my loan payment to worry about, I’ve been neglecting it for months. While I had it deferred for one glorious year, I could have been putting money back, saving, preparing for its eminent return. I did not think about it, I did not work on saving for it once leave was over. And because of my lack, it’s my fault that I’m in dire straights now. And that’s, in combination with cut hours and other bills, the stress of money bears down on me like Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders. 

So I am not a happy person. I am a stressed, depressed, and angry person. And quite often this anger, stress, and depression is taken out on others. If anyone has been hurt, offended, or annoyed by my behavior over the last several months, I apologize. 

Lately, it seems the only comfort and peace I find is in the evening snuggles with my child. Tonight, while I’d hoped that she’d be asleep when I got home, she was awake. Her daddy was trying to get her down to sleep, but when she saw me she practically tried climbing over him to get to me. My heart melted. We cuddled a bit before she got to fussy and too tired. Soon after giving her a bottle she was out and sleeping peacefully in my arms. I looked at her and whispered, “Mommy loves you, you know that?” And I kissed her cheek. 

She is my best thing ever. She is my happy place. Even when she’s fussy, or grumpy. Even when she’s trying to bite my fingers. Always. She’s my sunshine and she makes my days brighter. 

She doesn’t quite understand when or why mommy is upset and she doesn’t know how happy she makes me. But she is sure good at brightening my life. 

I am not a happy person. I’ve cried recently more times than I can count. I’ve longed for some miracle to come and make my life just a little bit easier. I’ve wished for something better to come along. I’ve prayed that I didn’t have to stick with a job I honestly don’t want anymore. But for my daughter and my husband I stay. 

But I cannot much longer. 

Once some of my bills are paid off and the burden of money has lifted slightly, I WILL find something different. I WILL find something new. Whether it be in a school, or flipping burgers, I WILL not do this anymore. 

Until then, it’s head down mouth shut. I will accept the things I cannot change. I will do my job, I will work silent and quick. I will do as I am told. I will smile and greet customers and assist them eagerly–as I have always done. That is one of the few things I enjoy best about my job. Helping customers. Yes, even the rude ones. 

Someday the light will not brighten only when my daughter is around. Someday the light will be bright always, and I will be happier. Someday, someday, someday. 

-c

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