Sometimes I stop and think, “I need to find a job where I can be off on the weekends and be able to spend time with people and not have to worry about getting home so I can get done what I need and have some rest before bed.”
And then I remember that I’ll never find another job and I’ll forever be stuck in the one I have. Don’t ask why it’s a long story that I don’t have the energy or time for right now.
We go see my brother and his family, we had gifts for their basically grown kids. I forget they they don’t stay the same and that they grow. And I’m a little mad about it. It’s a shock to your system when you l see kids that have changed so drastically in a year’s time. Like they are whole other humans!
Anyway they’re great kids and I love them.
But I am exhausted. I worked today and then we went out to eat for my sister’s youngest kid’s birthday.
I did NOT stick to a healthy diet. I am ashamed.
I am going to try and make myself go to the gym, by myself, tomorrow. I’m going to take my bag of gym clothes to work, and change into them there, and go to the gym.
My social anxiety tells me that walking into the gym by myself is absolutely impossible and I cannot do it and should not try. I have never gone to the gym by myself. I have gone with a friend, once, or my husband. I have never gone by myself.
I mean, if I know myself, I probably will not even go. I’ll sit in my truck in the parking lot at work and cry a little inside at my shamefulness, and then just drive home. But I’m gonna try. Do something.
Anyway, it’s way past my bedtime, I need to sleep.
I’m not going to jinx it by putting a name to it or fully acknowledging it. But I feel going about what I have going right now. Even if no one has noticed.
I’m still on The Spite Diet, and I’m doing pretty good if I do say so myself. I did have one single can of Pepsi yesterday, and to be honest I found it lacking. It probably didn’t help that I packed it around and it got a little flat in transit. I didn’t just scrap the whole diet because of that, and that is what’s important.
I’m going to weigh myself in the morning (if I can remember) and in the evening.
I was thinking I’d take a break from posting for a few days but I decided that my brain decided it had more in it so I didn’t. Hopefully it keeps it up.
A short post is still a post. I appreciate your eyes on it.
He knew he tended to be a quiet walker, based on the fact he frequently surprised people if they didn’t see him coming. But he didn’t try to make his approach known either. It was good to keep people on their toes, and he wouldn’t admit it aloud but he kind of enjoyed scaring people that way.
He approached Cora Wilkins, intending on sending her on a task. She was standing at her station, work phone in hand, focusing on some matter in front of her.
“Cora,” he said without pomp or circumstance, and quietly delighted in her startled “woah!”
“Hey, make some noise, would ya, Andre?” She said, sighing. “Dang.”
He chuckled at her, “My bad,” he said. “Whatcha doing right now?”
She’d turned back to her phone, and without looking up, said, “Regretting life choices and contemplating faking my own death.” She looked up at him.
“Woah, woah, he said, holding his hands up as if to protect himself. “Calm down there.”
She rolled her eyes at him. “I’m just doing the same thing I always do, every single morning, working on these reports.” She put her phone down and made eye contact. “What did you need me to do?”
This was what he told the police officers who spoke to him, days after Cora Wilkins was reported missing. He also told them that he’d just asked her to do things he’d always asked that were part of her normal job duties.
“We never really had any issues, her and I.” He told them. “Everyone has bad days, and I know pretty well when she’s not one hundred percent. Sometimes you gotta give people space, you know.”
“Right, Mr. Garner.” The detective said. “Like we said, we don’t suspect you of anything. We are just trying to get a picture of Mrs Wilkins’ mindset around the time she went missing.”
“Of course. She seemed to be doing fine performance wise, I never have many complaints.” Andre told him. “I don’t really communicate with her outside of the job, though.” He shrugged. “Unless you count the few times I’ve texted her when she’s been off the clock. About work stuff. She hates that.” He chuckled. “But who doesn’t, am I right?” He smiled at the detective, but the man just looked bored.
“Here’s my card.” The detective said. Mike Henry was his name. Andre had forgotten it. “If you think of anything else you might want to tell us, just give me a call.”
“Yes sir,” he responded, placing the card in his pocket. “Absolutely.”
Detective Henry stood, and Andre followed suit. They shook hands and Andre left the office. They had commandeered the management office of the company in order to conduct interviews, Andre having been the third person they’d interviewed.
Another detective, Charlotte Ramsey, his partner, had joined him. They found they had better luck if they worked together when interviewing witnesses who weren’t suspects when they did so together.
What most of the didn’t know was that Detective Ramsey was slightly more determined in some cases than Henry. And people tend to get more chatty with a female around.
“I don’t foresee getting much out of these people,” Ramsey said, pinching the bridge of her nose and rubbing her eyes. “Doesnf seem like she was very close to anyone them.”
“Not close enough to say whether she was going to tell any of them if she wanted to “drop the curtain on her play” so to speak.”
“Interesting euphemism for killing oneself, Mike.”
Last night in my area we had what people said was called the storm a generation. Or something. It wasn’t even a fraction of that, to be honest. But I was afraid to risk the early morning drive to work and called out.
To be honest, I didn’t go and regretted it later. I hate missing days and my work has something called Key Dates that count as two absences because of seasonal business. I don’t know if today was one of those or just tomorrow, but I hope not.
But then, there’s supposed to be a thing where if it’s dangerous to travel they’re not supposed to count it against you? Anyway, I’m sure it’ll count against me and I’ll be screwed.
But anywho I spent basically the entirety of my unplanned day off working on the video for the second Drawing Challenge. The only reason it was less time is that our internet was out most of the day.
Despite 5 degree temps, the only problem we had was our internet, phone, and television.
Also, interesting fact, we’ve had the doggie door closed off all day because of the temps. My small dog wanted out desperately. So I opened it up and there is literal ice on the cover.
For context it is rarely this cold in KY.
She also has literally five minutes to get her skinny butt back in this house or she’s gonna be a pupscicle (she walked in as I typed this).
Also, my kid wanted to sleep in my bed. At first that was an adamant no, because I need my quiet time. But then I realized that there is a little bit of cold penetrating the window by her bed. Not an actual breeze but, when it is currently zero degrees, it’s impossible to keep out.
So, as I was reading her bedtime story (Once Upon a Dragon’s Fire) for the 100th time, I thought, she’s gonna get cold. So I turned to tell her to stay awake, after her story we’ll go to my room. Well, she was out. And I won’t wake a sleeping child.
She’ll likely wake up in an hour and I’ll let her crawl in beside me, like I always do.
Anywho, my head is pounding and my stomach is in a bad way, so I’m gonna peace out. Video will be up tomorrow.
Thought I’d share with you a list of some of my favorite things. From skin care to stationary to food and beverages.
Food and Beverage
Canada Dry Blackberry Ginger Ale
If Canada Dry made this stuff year round and made it available everywhere you can get carbonated beverages, I might have a replacement for Pepsi. I have already purchased four 2 liters of this stuff.
Terry’s Chocolate Orange
Yes, another seasonal favorite. I live in America, we’re we can’t be certain that our residents are t smart enough to swallow a toy (think kinder eggs). But then again, the tide pod thing started with the states, right?
Anyway, I have never seen Terry’s Chocolate Oranges near me unless it’s been Christmas, and once at Easter, but that was, like, a decade ago! I’d seriously be in trouble if the were around all the time.
I love these things so much that they are mentioned by name in Black Friday: A Zombie Story.
I’ve only purchased eight this year. Thank the lord I share. The Kid loves them too.
Health and Beauty
Equate Foaming Facial Cleanser
Did you know that 90% of off brand items are the exact same ingredients as their name brand counterparts? This Equate face wash is the same as the CeraVe Foaming Face Wash. Name brand is $12 at Walmart right now. Equate version is $5.97!
I’ve used this for years now, and I will say I’ve gotten compliments, mostly old ladies, that my skin looks amazing. Lol
My absolute favorite perfume. I don’t know if it was the shape of the bottle or a Seventeen Magazine sample page that drew me too it, but I wanted a bottle of it for years. I never had the funds or the access to obtain it. But way back in 2008, on my honeymoon in Gatlinburg Tennessee, we found a perfume outlet and there she was, in a gift set with lotion, body wash, roll on and travel bag.
I have owned three whole bottles of it over the years. The sweet melting scent is described as floral, most floral scents give me a migraine. This one gives of a sweet light scent to me, with some citrus and powdery notes. It’s a light scent that puts me in the mid of cupcakes.
Stationary and Crafts
Pen+Gear 5 Subject 6×8 notebooks
I have three of these notebooks. Black, teal, purple. The purple has grease stains from my lip balm making days (coconut oil and shea butter). They all have sections dedicated to writing, budgeting, and journaling. I have three mostly because I keep misplacing them, but also because I just love these notebooks.
They’re small enough to carry with you, the wire binding is big enough to shove a pencil and ink pen in, they have durable covers, perforated pages (even though I don’t like tearing pages out), and five sections, with a pocket in the first divider.
I’m currently trying to keep all my WIP notes in them, though sometimes they get misplaced. It’s unintentional I’m just forgetful and clumsy.
Home Goods
Primo Water Dispenser
This is the best $200 purchase I’ve ever made. It was purchased on a whim but also I’d been considering it. When I had some extra cash lying around I decided, ok I’m going for it. It just so happened to be on sale!
This bad boy does hot and cold. And the hot is hat enough for me to use to cook The Kid’s noodles (the ones in the foam cup) without using the microwave. We just fill the cup with hot water and let it “marinate”. The cold is cold enough to not need ice if you don’t want it.
Dawn Dish Washing Soap
I have yet to find a soap that makes me feel like my dishes are getting clean. The suds hold up for long periods, it’s not completely outrageous, and it’s eBay my mom always used. I guess you can say I’m indoctrinated to using it.
Also look at the baby duck! They use it in oil spill clean up!
Honorable Mentions
Apple Pencil (first gen)
Air Pods Pro
Good writing tools.
WiFi bulbs controlled by an app
Turns out there aren’t that many things I use every day besides my phone. But these are some of my favorite items that either make my life easier or more pleasant.
For now, though, I’m falling asleep between paragraphs. So, I’ll say goodnight!
If your a little behind the times, first off same. Secondly, I’ve recently decided to punish myself challenge myself and try to get better at drawing. Specifically digital “art”.
Shameless plug to first challenge video on YouTube.
My niece was asked to pick from three options and she chose a duck so that’s my next punishment challenge.
She currently has the Flu and I sincerely hope she feels better soon.
A duck is an animal I have never been in super close proximity to. In fact, my general rule of thumb is that if I do not know them I should keep my distance, out of respect for both of us.
However it is important to note that it’s on my bucket list to touch an elephant. I will never do it but by golly if I’m not tempted.
An animal cannot give you direct and clear permission to touch it. It can touch you, but that does not give you permission to touch it back.
The same cannot be said for people. They can give you permission. They can also deny you permission. A good rule of thumb, unless you know the person well, is no touchy touchy.
So I am suddenly reminded of this dude’s Tikie Tokies. About how to pick up a duck. Go watch it. It’ll either make you laugh, or make you do that, “huh, I’m not sure how to feel about this” thing.
Back to the topic at hand, I have no preconceived notions that the duck I am going to draw, eventually, will be any good. It’s gonna 100% be cartoonish and silly. But, you know, I’m not here for perfection, I’m here to have fun.
I’m gonna try really hard not to try to hard, to not let it get the best of me. The sunflower I completed in one session, and I’m sure I could have done more for it in more time. But the duck I’m gonna practice with. I’m gonna erase and start over a lot.
Honestly the goal with this second drawing challenge is to, in the end, be able to look at it and go, “Hmm, I ain’t mad at that.”
And also like the sunflower, it’s gonna be a sticker. Couple of suckers maybe.
I’m gonna learn how to do that too. Because right now the only thing I can afford to do for entertainment and betterment is learn. Through the Google of course, and Wikipedia. Although, because the founder of Wikipedia pretty much dissed Ol Musky, I really should donate.
Anyway, the melatonin and heated throw are telling me to say goodnight.
Goodnight!
Ps: just so you know I tried really hard not to get stupid and personal with this one. I need an outlet but I don’t have to tell the Internet strangers everything.
So, I stepped on a wall plug. Let me be clearer. I stepped on the upturned PRONGS of a plug.
I was telling my husband a story of how my store manager got my movie reference (it made my day) and was trying to put pants on, after my shower. I didn’t pay attention to where my feet were landing and I stepped on the prongs of an electric razor adapter.
They went in, maybe a millimeter. I initially thought oh it just hurt. Then I looked and there was some skin scraped off. Ok that’s not to bad. Then I looked again a mind THERE WAS BLOOD.
Listen, I’m not afraid of blood, I am a woman after all. I’m also not a wimp when it comes to pain, I’m in some kind of constant pain at all times. No biggie. So, I laughed at myself, because it’s my fault the thing was in the floor, and hobbled myself to my bedroom, after I’d grabbed the first bandages I could find: finger bandaids.
My hubs helped doctor me by finding all the first aid nonsense, including pain relief antibiotic ointment, and gauze pads from when he cut his foot. The kid gets scared of blood and wounds so she backed out. But she did come back to TAKE A PICTURE WITH HER IPAD because she wanted to show my sister. *facepalm*
The problem in all this is that I have to work tomorrow. This wouldn’t be that big a deal IF I DID NOT WORK ON MY FEET. This injury (which is two gashes) is right about where my arch would be if I had one. I’m severely flat footed.
So if it hurts to walk from my bedroom to the bathroom in squishy off brand crocs, then working in my feet for eight hours in hard “ash” New Balance with dead insoles isn’t going to be sunshine and butterflies.
But again, constant pain anyway, and I need to get something besides old gauze and bandaids to hold in on with. Might as well go to the retail establishment I work at. Besides. I’m off day after tomorrow.
I probably wasn’t going to make money off OnlyFeet anyway.
I found the names I needed to start one PFN project. There are 11 total. Those names (first names only) will be in a scheduled post. The person whose name is on that list needs to “vote” for their name if they want to be in the story as a side character/NPC. This poll/post is a scheduled and will post within The next few weeks. I honestly cannot remember the date.
I’m going to be finishing and posting an old incomplete story as a Halloween story. This story was started as a “choose your adventure” type story. It will be posted as a weekly story here on the blog.
As soon as voting as been completed I will begin working on both PFN and the Second Story.
Updates will be posted on thr blog, the Facebook page and group, and some in intagram and Twitter.
If anyone read my super depressing TMI filled post about poop yesterday I apologize. For the TMI part not the depressing part. my feelings are valid.
Anyway, as part of the “quest to figure out what the hell is wrong by with me physically” I stopped-ish drinking Pepsi. Sorta.
On this frustrating quest, I had one or three no four Pepsi’s and Miralax laced coffee. But I’ve tried to drink an ungodly amount of water too. I expected nothing but frequent urination and maybe an improvement of my health.
I have been tracking my intake of Pepsi and randomly for craps and giggles, my weight.
While I’ve not noticed a major difference in my health (I do notice when I have less water), my legs are less swollen, and I don’t get dry mouth as much. I did forget that behemoth of a water bottle this morning so I had very little water, and I’ve noticed a difference in my, “movements”.
Anyway, despite the positive and unhappy change in my carbonated and caffeinated beverage consumption and increase and clear and boring flavorless beverage (I like water actually), I have been, if you haven’t noticed, fantastically depressed.
Honestly Pepsi has been my happy place. And I think I can blame it on mom. But that’s another story. I drank a Pepsi when I was angry, tired, depressed. Mostly at work. I sometimes even drank it just cause I like the flavor.
Now, as I’ve said, I’ve been tracking consumption Pepsi. Not how much but whether or not. I created a little table in my Notes App on my iPhone. I also randomly weigh myself.
In 18 days I’ve had Pepsi four days. This is usually one Pepsi. Mostly a can. Once it was a large fountain Pepsi (the best Pepsi). This, in fact, was the craving. It has been five days since my last Pepsi (Forgive me father for I have sinned).
In 18 days I have weighed myself or have been weight three times.
For YEARS, I have stayed right at 320. I have fluctuated five or ten pounds either way at certain points, mostly shark week. But if I am weighed, whether voluntarily or not, I’m usually right in 320.
Tonight, before I crawled into bed (to start writing this) to sleep, I decided, “Hey, why not add fuel to the fire of my depression induced mental breakdown and weigh myself.
I use an old fashioned analog scale with the little red doodad that points to a number, because I get a different number every time with a digital scale. Plus no batteries.
So I kick off my off-brand Crocs, not for the weight I’d them but because I need to see the scale. I have big feet and they make it worse. I make sure the scale is pointed at zero abs throw my large giggly form on top of the scale and watch the pointer circle round and lap that zero (the scale only goes to 300).
I expected it to land in 320 or higher. My legs are swelled a little, and let’s just say the tunnels need evacuated. But did it land on or beyond 320?
To my utter shock and surprise, no. That little red doohickey sat neatly between 310 and 320. So according to that old janky scale that I’ve had for about a decade, I’m 5 pounds lighter than I was 8 days ago at the doctor.
Now I know that number is what it is because of a combination of water weight and two months of lingering garbage my body should have spluttered out days ago.
But I’m gonna take it as a tiny win. I am gonna ride that short wave like I’m a novice skier on the bunny slopes at a ski resort for the rich and famous. Because no matter how what we do we could all do to celebrate the little things.
Also I’m so sleepy right now I’m typing this with one eye closed. So here’s the screenshot if my notes app.
If anyone read my super depressing TMI filled post about poop yesterday I apologize. For the TMI part not the depressing part. my feelings are valid.
Anyway, as part of the “quest to figure out what the hell is wrong by with me physically” I stopped-ish drinking Pepsi. Sorta.
On this frustrating quest, I had one or three no four Pepsi’s and Miralax laced coffee. But I’ve tried to drink an ungodly amount of water too. I expected nothing but frequent urination and maybe an improvement of my health.
I have been tracking my intake of Pepsi and randomly for craps and giggles, my weight.
While I’ve not noticed a major difference in my health (I do notice when I have less water), my legs are less swollen, and I don’t get dry mouth as much. I did forget that behemoth of a water bottle this morning so I had very little water, and I’ve noticed a difference in my, “movements”.
Anyway, despite the positive and unhappy change in my carbonated and caffeinated beverage consumption and increase and clear and boring flavorless beverage (I like water actually), I have been, if you haven’t noticed, fantastically depressed.
Honestly Pepsi has been my happy place. And I think I can blame it on mom. But that’s another story. I drank a Pepsi when I was angry, tired, depressed. Mostly at work. I sometimes even drank it just cause I like the flavor.
Now, as I’ve said, I’ve been tracking consumption Pepsi. Not how much but whether or not. I created a little table in my Notes App on my iPhone. I also randomly weigh myself.
In 18 days I’ve had Pepsi four days. This is usually one Pepsi. Mostly a can. Once it was a large fountain Pepsi (the best Pepsi). This, in fact, was the craving. It has been five days since my last Pepsi (Forgive me father for I have sinned).
In 18 days I have weighed myself or have been weight three times.
For YEARS, I have stayed right at 320. I have fluctuated five or ten pounds either way at certain points, mostly shark week. But if I am weighed, whether voluntarily or not, I’m usually right in 320.
Tonight, before I crawled into bed (to start writing this) to sleep, I decided, “Hey, why not add fuel to the fire of my depression induced mental breakdown and weigh myself.
I use an old fashioned analog scale with the little red doodad that points to a number, because I get a different number every time with a digital scale. Plus no batteries.
So I kick off my off-brand Crocs, not for the weight I’d them but because I need to see the scale. I have big feet and they make it worse. I make sure the scale is pointed at zero abs throw my large giggly form on top of the scale and watch the pointer circle round and lap that zero (the scale only goes to 300).
I expected it to land in 320 or higher. My legs are swelled a little, and let’s just say the tunnels need evacuated. But did it land on or beyond 320?
To my utter shock and surprise, no. That little red doohickey sat neatly between 310 and 320. So according to that old janky scale that I’ve had for about a decade, I’m 5 pounds lighter than I was 8 days ago at the doctor.
Now I know that number is what it is because of a combination of water weight and two months of lingering garbage my body should have spluttered out days ago.
But I’m gonna take it as a tiny win. I am gonna ride that short wave like I’m a novice skier on the bunny slopes at a ski resort for the rich and famous. Because no matter how what we do we could all do to celebrate the little things.
Also I’m so sleepy right now I’m typing this with one eye closed. So here’s the screenshot if my notes app.
Crash Landing 