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Tag Archives: black friday

“Black Friday: A Zombie Story” is 10.

25 Friday Nov 2022

Posted by crashdlanding in Black Friday: A Zombie Story, Non-Fiction

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anniversary, black friday, Black friday a zombie story, crash landing, crashdlanding, decade, embarrassment, non-fiction, work, writing

Finally, a bookcover made with something other than Canva. This one was done with GIMP. Like, five years ago.

In honor of the most popular thing I’ll have ever written (and that’s not saying much) turning TEN FREAKING YEARS OLD, let’s celebrate with an embarrassing story from today, of all days Black Friday.

So, as you aught to know by now, I do, in fact, work retail as my primary job. I will never and shall never name the RETAIL ESTABLISHMENT where I earn my bread. There are things you will never know about me, and that’s not one because it’s not hard to figure out. ANYWAY…

Of course today is what used to be known as the biggest shopping day of the year. To be honest, it was absolutely, ridiculously, insane, three years ago. But the panini press happened and we all know how that went.

So, at RETAIL ESTABLISHMENT Black Friday is a dulled down event spread out over multiple days throughout the month of November. They first started changing aspects of it because people started getting hurt fighting over cheap and cheaply made towels and washcloths. But then the world was hit by, it was struck by The ‘Rona.

Today, the actual Friday in question was a very VERY mild shadow of what it used to be. The Store was busy, but not insanely so, there were not wall to wall people, and honestly the deals weren’t that amazing.

I was myself at one point working on some merchandise maintenance, and had to take a secure item to the registers. As I was doing so, I decided I needed to leave my portable printing device in a secure location so as to protect it from being picked up by co-worker thieves who don’t like to hunt for their own equipment.

So I did something I assumed was going to be a great idea.

Some need to know information: as one often sees in all retail locations, we have many large cardboard displays called “PDQs”. My research tells me those letters stand for “pretty darn quick” or “product displayed quickly” which are both kind of hilarious and accurate.

I have often thought that the people who design these doodads absolutely earn every dime they get because I’ve seen some seriously clever PDQs.

Back to the story, I looked around and saw a perfume giftset PDQ and thought, that’s a PERFECT a place to hide my printer. It had a little top on it that the printer could sit right down in.

So, moving right along, a customer’s perfume in hand, I gently tossed my printer into its tiny hiding place.

Have you ever done something and expected the sound of it happening to occur and it took a split second longer to make the sound? Well, I didn’t immediately hear the printer thump onto what I assumed was a sturdy cardboard platform. I did, however, hear, a split second later, a thump like the sound of a printer that had traveled the length of essentially a cardboard rectangle prism only to thunk onto a hard plastic pallet.

The full height of this PDQ display is roughly four feet. I’m not good with measurements. But it would be entirely too difficult to reach by hand. So, without missing a beat, I continued to the register area of the store, took (what I now remember was) Guess Men’s Body Spray up and placed it behind the register.

Between the happening of the incident, walking up to the front, and back, I contemplated how I would manage to retrieve the printer. Despite knowing at least two very tall co-workers who would help, I knew I’d rather risk death than embarrassment and a friendly joshing from either of them.

Of course the only solution was absolutely fantastic and honestly I’m proud of myself for thinking of it. i kneeled in the floor. And removed items out of my way, a few perfume gift sets (I think it was “Lucky You” ironically). I whipped out my technically “illegal” in the store box cutter, and then proceeded to poorly cut a trap door in what was, in fact, a hollow PDQ. My yeeted printer was sitting comfortably right there. I reached in and rescued it from us cardboard well of despair.

Unless some cheeky TURD happened by and decides to look back at the security cameras to see what the heck happened, I’m clear of any nonsense.

Now, I would have been significantly more embarrassing by my own sheer stupidity in the moment had I not been having stomach issues all day. I also didn’t let myself think of anything but a solution, and not how completely bonkers and probably hilarious it would have looked, had someone been recording me, and witnessed my momentary pause when I realized what had actually happened.

Of course this embarrassment is much healthier for me than the constant feeling of embarrassment that I have when I think I’ve said something that makes me sound dumb. Of course, that’s because I think everyone already thinks I’m dumb anyway.

Hey, I have a question.

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt QUACKS.


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News

24 Saturday Dec 2016

Posted by crashdlanding in News

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black friday, Black friday a zombie story, crash landing, crashdlanding, news, secret, writing

like it

ill never tell… if i dont get likes


Ha. Lol anywho… On another note…

I plan on removing Black Friday: A Zombie Story from all platforms in June 2017. My reasoning is “no ones gonna buy the cow if you can get the milk for free” is that how it goes. 

This was sort of a hasty decision. By then, it will be available for purchase on Amazon in paperback and kindle (and other possible sites) by then. 

So if you wanna read it but without having to spend money, do it NOW. 

On Crash Landing & On Wattpad. 

Thanks for reading. Or not, whatevs

-c

PS: Merry Christmas!

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As Requested

21 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by crashdlanding in Black Friday: A Zombie Story, Fiction

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as requested, black friday, fiction

For Bradley

Nothing could have been salvaged. Unless you were looking for charred bricks and broken tile. So there was nothing to stand guard over, nothing to protect, or prevent. A few took the opportunity to check out the ruins, even few still dared venture to close. They’d heard rumors of what had happened. 

One very nosy, very brave, and some say very stupid young man went wandering there. Bradley VanHoose, cell phone camera in hand, stumbled over the broken bricks and warped metal beams, filming his own personal horror movie. 

It was growing dark, the sun had already begun its decent behind the hill where the store had once sat, the air was already growing cooler. And yet still he wandered. 

Climbing over what once was a clothing wrack, nearly tripping, he panned over the fire blackened mess. 

“The world was not the same since the aliens came. They destroyed our homes, our schools, our stores where we got our necessities,” he said in a deep, narrator voice. He turned the phone’s camera on himself. “But they would not destroy our spirit!”

He continued filming and narrating the wreckage of what once was, stumbling and tripping over debris. What he didn’t see was the movement behind him. 

Somehow, despite the heat of the blaze, the force of the water hoses, the trampling of the fire department, inspectors and police, something survived. Out of the ashes it crawled, something that might have once been a familiar face. 

It was burned and broken and missing a limb or two. It was charred and blackened like its surroundings, but it was still moving. Somehow. It pulled itself out from under collapsed ceiling tile and a steal beam. 

Bradley didn’t hear the movement behind him, distracted as he was by his amateur movie making. Bradley didn’t hear that the thing that once was Betsy Collins was moving faster than imaginable. 

When he felt something tug at his pant leg, he instinctively kicked it away without looking. About to continue on, he felt it again. He slowly turned to look down and saw the blacked hand of betsything tugging at his jeans, trying to climb. 

Bradley screamed, jerking his leg away, but Betsything had a dangerously powerful grip and would not release him. Tripping and falling into what was once the bag carousel on the end of a register, the metal bars stabbing bluntly into his back, he then banged his head on the base as he landed. 

Nearly blacking out he shook his head and opened his eyes. The thing was crawling up his torso. He screamed once more as its fleshless fingers dug into his skin, pulling itself up. 

His last conscious thoughts were of the rancid rotten charred smell pouring from the betsything’s oozing gaping mouth.  

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News

22 Tuesday Sep 2015

Posted by crashdlanding in News, Non-Fiction

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black friday, news, publisher, update

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted here. For anyone that might have paid regular attention, I apologize. 

But I’m back now, again. For good, hopefully. I’ve learned that I need an outlet for things, when I can’t or won’t say them elsewhere. So here I’ll be. 

So let’s catch up. 

  • My day job, the place that’s supposed to pay the bills until my “big break” (ha) changed my position and I’m forced to work in a department I’ve despised since day one. And every other department as well. It has wore me down physically and mentally, and I’ve decided I cannot do it any more, the moving constantly or the forced upon do department. I’m going to request a change as soon as possible, or seek other employment. 
  • I’ve also decided to send “Black Friday: A Zombie Story” to an actual publisher. I’ve been told by several that it’s worthy. It’s currently going through a thorough revision from my friend “The Editor”. She’s literally a friend who outright volunteered! She’s also an English Major so I KNOW it’ll be thorough. 
  • I have been brainstorming ideas for “Black Friday: A Ghost Story”, though I have however hit several snags. One of which being Tiny Human’s demanding yet adorable existence. 
  • Before ANY significant work is done on BF2 I am determined to finish my last “Very Short Fiction, though I’ve written myself into a very deep hole. Like, rabbit whole depth. Yes. that rabbit hole. 

That’s all I’ve got for now. Stay tuned for hilarious outrages and fictions galore!

-c

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Rewrite

01 Saturday Aug 2015

Posted by crashdlanding in Black Friday: A Zombie Story, My Writing, Non-Fiction, On Writing

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black friday, Black friday a zombie story, favorite fiction, rewrite

“Black Friday: A Zombie Story” is, of everything I’ve ever written, my favorite thing. It makes me laugh, it makes me sad. There’s suspense, there’s action. There are people from my life in it, and it reflects aspects of my life. It was also quite popular with my coworkers. 

I love it, to say the least. 

But just about the only thing I didn’t like about it was the way I chose to end it. Technically there were three endings. The original, the one I went with, and the alternate. 

The original is lost forever to the alternate domination known as “deletopia”. I don’t even remember it. The one that I put at the end as the final chapter was idiotic, and the alternate was me trying to feel better about it. 

The reality is that I didn’t want to end it. I enjoyed almost every single moment of writing it, I enjoyed even more the attention–however limited–it received. I have actually sold a few copies in Amazon, a few of which I cannot account for from friends. But I had to end it, and end it I did. 

I just ain’t happy. 

So, with the current republishing process I’m taking BF:AZS through, I planned on rewriting the ending to better reflect the story, the changes (though none to plot) and the possible future. 

But I’m having an insanely difficult time doing it. AGAIN. 

I have had so many ideas for the ending, but when I sit down to write it, I draw a blank. It also doesn’t help that I’m afraid my current fans–those who read the original ending–won’t like it. 

But, in order for me to get back at writing completion of this project is important. I have a schedule to keep (I thought it’d help me get done, but I’d forgotten about the ending). I’ve fallen behind twice. 

So, hopefully by or before actual “Black Friday 2015” I’ll have a new version of “Black Friday: A Zombie Story” available. 

And maybe there’ll be a part two 😉

-c

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I miss fictioning

21 Wednesday Jan 2015

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction

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black friday, fiction, writing

“Fictioning” is a word I made up. I could use writing, but that’s not what I mean. I mean “writing fiction”. Fictioning is just funnier.

I am not the best writer. I don’t pretend to be, I don’t see myself as ever being a great writer. Doesn’t mean I don’t love it, and it sure as heck doesn’t mean that if I had the opportunity to make a living doing just that, I wouldn’t take it. Because I would. In a New York minute.

My point is, I haven’t written anything fiction in a very long time. And I miss it.

I’ve been on leave for almost six weeks, it’s almost over, and I’ve not written any significant fiction in that whole time. When I try to sit and think about it, a baby cries and I must attend to her. I’m a mother now, so it comes with the territory.

I have two days left before I return to work. I hope to get at least a small amount of fiction pumped out for your reading pleasure before I go back. I don’t expect much.

On another note, I hope to post more Black Friday as well before I go back.

-c

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Coming Soon: Black Friday: A Ghost Story

09 Thursday Oct 2014

Posted by crashdlanding in My Writing, News

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black friday, Black Friday a Ghost Story, Black friday a zombie story, facebook, new story, news Battle to the Dress

Did you miss me? I missed you, yes I did!

Anywho.

While the idea of starting another story so very similar to my most popular piece, “Black Friday: A Zombie Story” seems a little redundant, the idea came to me at work, of course, and it hasn’t left my mind. Especially since I announced it to the world (my Facebook friends, i.e. the bulk of my fan-base). Everyone there seems to be very excited about it! And that makes me excited! Mostly because the reason I had fun writing the first one, was because of those who read it, and followed along on a weekly basis. They are the reason I had so much fun, and the reason why I want to write another.

So, hopefully beginning November 1st or thereabouts, I plan on posting a new page, weekly. They will be posted here, without fail (if I’ve gotten that week’s story page written). But I plan on making it difficult for those who chose to read it on Facebook.

With each new page, I will “require” “likes” in order to proceed on Facebook! I’m an evil genius I know. I use the term “genius” loosely, of course. The the required number of “likes” is reached, I will post the new page as a note on my author page “Crash Landing”. If the number isn’t reached, they’ll have to complete the complicated task of CLICKING A LINK TO MY BLOG. So difficult, I know. 😀

So, readers, be prepared! On or around Nov. 1st, the tale begins!

More info to come!

-c

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I am a writer! I promise!

28 Friday Feb 2014

Posted by crashdlanding in Books, My Writing, Non-Fiction

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amazon, black friday, Black friday a zombie story, books, fiction, published, self publish, writing

Yes, I know I said we’re all writers, but I do the thing! I’ve made a few bucks off of it, too!

Although I’ve self published a few books, the one that I’ve actually sold, and that has actually been purchased by actual real people is called “Black Friday: A Zombie Story” and it is currently available in paperback on Amazon.

The story is told in first person, and takes place on, you guessed it, Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the year, in a retail store. It follows a few hours in the lives of employees and customers of the store, when it is overcome by zombies!

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Because it is! It’s got laughs, but it also has it’s serious side.

I feel that now is the moment at which I must admit that the idea was not originally my own. The idea was given to me by a former coworker who said that The event of Black Friday reminds him of a zombie movie that takes place in a mall, Dawn of the Dead.

So, amused I though, “What if there were zombies in “the store” on Black Friday?” I mentioned it to my coworker, mentioned that I should ” totally write that story!” He laughed, agreed, and joked that if I get rich off of it, he “gets a cut.”

I don’t know where he is now, that coworker, but I am glad for the idea. Once I decided I would start the story, began asking others if they wanted to be in it. Several people agreed, and once the story eventually got under way, it became pretty popular at work.

I began posing pages or chapters on a Facebook page I started for the story.

The story is no long online in all it’s entirety, but I plan on posting it here on its own page in the very near future. There is a two-three chapter preview available there, so check it out!

Thanks for reading!

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