Hi, my name is Crystal. Hi Crystal. It’s been 21 days since my last Update.
Spite Diet Reminder
The goal is supposed to be to change my eating habits and lifestyle to improve my health and see how much weight I can manage to lose before my next doctor appointment on March 29th.
I started it because my “lady” doctor, suggested i ask my regular doctor about Ozempic, a drug manufactured for diabetics that has shown positive results doe weight loss patients. And I wasn’t even asking about losing weight.
Seriously, listen. I’ve let the idea that I’m not going to be eating all my favorite foods the way I was eating them, the absolute consistency of routine has become boring, and I’m frustrated with a lack of results.
I’ve had more Pepsi than I should have (I firmly believe it is my one true vice and I’ll need a 12-step program to break its hold on me), I had a mental breakdown the other day and decided I needed Mexican food.
It was absolutely delicious and I regret most of it.
I feel terribly alone in this journey. There’s a post about that too but I’m not linking it.
I know how to fix (most) of it
But I have issues. I won’t go to the gym by myself because i’m an anxious scaredy cat. I won’t message them because I’m afraid of doing something to look stupid. And it’s too cold to walk.
And to be honest I can’t really go walking or to the gym on days it would benefit me most (high stress days) because it’s my job to pick up The Kid from daycare on those days. And of course I don’t want to add to His high stress.
I also know that to see results I need to break my own rules way less often. I saw more results (lost more weight) the first week because I had zero Pepsi and really stuck to the diet. I made less not so great choices and tried harder.
I want to do better. I need to do better. I want to prove my doctor wrong, even if I won’t see her again for another year. I don’t need drugs to lose weight. I need willpower, determination, and to not be so depressed gosh darn it.
I’ve officially been on the Spite Diet for 17 days. Weigh-in (according to my home scale) is tomorrow. While I’d lost 6 pounds at last weigh in, I know that it’s important to weight loss to exercise.
So I decided I was going to go to the gym.
But, see, there’s a problem. I don’t like doing new things, by myself. That’s why it took me nearly a decade to pump my own gas (which was also done out of spite). Doing new things by myself gives me anxiety.
I don’t know if it’s the fear of failure, or anti-social tendencies, or what, but the idea of it was daunting.
Even at 7am, when I knew it would be hours before I would be going, I thought about it all day. This anxiety is probably the reason why I don’t ask for help a lot.
Anyway, I finally convinced myself to go by telling myself I would make a TikTok video (yes, you read that right) about the process. Going, getting out, going in, on thr treadmill, and then in the vehicle being all proud of myself.
But eventually the time came for me to clock out and change. I’d brought my gym clothes to work to change in the breakroom rest room. That’s at I didn’t have to do it at the gym.
I changed, no one mentioned my clothes, and walked to the truck. I messaged mg husband that I was going and he said, “Work up a good sweat.”
You see, once I got over the initial walking in bit, I knew that I could get on the treadmill and do what I’d came for.
But alas, it was not to be. Upon arrival I sat in my truck for a minute. I said to myself, hey, you’re an adult. You don’t need someone to hold your hand. You pump your own gas you can go into the gym.
I see there aren’t many people there, I get out, walk to the door, and ITS LOCKED. My first thought was, okay, after hours, it’s okay, three years ago you paid for a key fob to get in after hours. I run back in and… it doesn’t work. I try it over and over. It makes the beeping noises but no dice.
I am disappointed. Almost on the verge of tears.
Also a little angry. Angry because I’d had to psych myself up and got nothing but anticlimactic failure.
Eventually I decide, instead of pouting and going home, what felt like empty handed, I am going to go to a local walking trail in town and walk.
My dudes it was 36 degrees.
But I did it.
I walked one lap, about a half mile. It felt good but my nose was cold for two hours after. If it were warmer I would have walked more.
I would have spent an hour in the treadmill though.
I am going to go back, I’m going to go at regular hours, and I’m going to see about getting a replacement key fob. Because Sundays are gonna be the best days for me to go by myself. And I will go by myself.
Still, I’m a little proud of me for walking up to that door alone. And walking the track alone.
I am not starving myself. I am not depriving myself. I eat three meals a day. I get plenty of calories and protein and all that good stuff.
I’m hungry because I want nothing more than to gorge myself on junk food. I want Taco Bell. I want a cheesy Gordita crunch and a Crunchwrap supreme with a large Pepsi. I want ice cream. I want a ten piece chicken nugget and a Big Mac. I want sweet tea.
I want cake. I want a fudge round. I want Pepsi.
I want cool ranch Doritos and Fritos with chili and cheese. I want gravy and biscuits with bacon and scrambled eggs. I want cinnamon rolls.
I want to get out my bed and go into the living room and chug vanilla almond milk straight from the carton at 10:30 at night.
I feel like it’s important to acknowledge the things that you want, whether your going to do that thing or not. So this is me acknowledging that I missing the delicious unhealthy borderline disgusting food I ate before the Spite Diet began.
No, I never ate myself into stupidity. I ate until I was satisfied. And I didn’t eat constantly. In fact, I eat the same number of times a day that I did before I just eat better. And with limits. Like serving sizes.
I think I can safely say I was not nor have I ever been addicted to food. I feel like the fact that I maintained the same weight off and on for a decade days that.
But you know something I miss that didn’t think I would ever miss? PIZZA. It’s only been two weeks and I miss pizza daggumit. A coworker brought a fresh hot and ready little Caesar’s pizza in for lunch. I stared at it. My Turkey burger was good but not want I was craving!
I’ve done really well so far. So I’m gonna keep going. And I’m going to try really hard. Like I have been doing. Even if I forgot to meal prep for tomorrow.
But I am having Taco Bell for dinner. The power bowl isn’t terrible.
I didn’t realize how long I’ve been on my self-imposed diet plan. And honestly I’d weighed myself a few days ago, and I didn’t like it. Mostly because it said I’d gained ten pounds. And I knew better.
I ended up asking my husband to look at the number on the scale. I use an analog scale, the one with the hand that moves. I stopped using digital scales because I never got an accurate measurement twice in a row.
When you move around it changes, so between leaning over to see past my gut, and trying to fit my big feet on the thing perfectly, I was getting highly inaccurate numbers. So when the hubs came and looked I lost six pounds.
I will freely admit I was a little emotional. I didn’t expect any change, least of all a loss! But here we are, six pounds down.
So here’s what I’ve been doing, if you wanna know.
Cut down on pop (soda if your weird): Pepsi is my addiction. But I went a full week without one. Had one one day, skipped it the next, then caved and had another. But I’m gonna try harder this time. *eye roll*
Portion Control: my normal intake is multiple servings of whatever food we’re having. But I’ve stuck to serving sizes and single helpings. My mother in law likes to cook. She grew up in a time when a full plate was healthy food. But a half a pound of baked ham, two cups of corn, and two rolls isn’t healthy that’s over eating.
Counting calories and limiting carbs: I love carbs. Carbs are my favorite meal. If I go to prison my last meal is gonna be pasta and bread and potatoes. But I know too much isn’t good for me. And there are more calories in foods than you think.
Protein Shakes: the things are expensive, and I guess they’re supposed to help you feel full longer? I don’t really notice a difference for me, but I’m trying to up my healthy protein intake.
Meal prep: when you’re at work and hungry, you’ll get whatever sounds good. And I work at a retail store than has a decent sized non-refrigerated food section. And everything sounds good. If I meal prep my reasonably healthy food at home, I have lunch ready for the next day. I also save money.
Lots of water: duh. Most people don’t drink enough water, and it can be hard working it into your daily life. I carry a large link 80oz jug to work, and challenge myself to drink as much as I can by the end of the day.
Intermittent fasting: I try to only eat during a certain twelve hour window. It’s really not that hard. I usually have my last meal of the day eaten before 7:30pm. My fast usually starts at 8pm, and goes until 8am. But when I’m working I don’t usually get to eat until 8:30-9:00am. It works because I don’t start getting really hungry until about then anyway.
The Lose It App: I’ve managed to log my meals for twelve days. That’s the longest I’ve managed to keep up with it. and the app tracks how many calories and carbs, how much fiber, and protein I intake. As well as how many calories I burn thanks to my phone and Apple Watch. I can track my water intake as well. I can also create a recipe in the app with measurements, tell it how many servings, and it’ll calculate the macronutrients and such. I will definitely renew the app in March.
Goals
The initial point of this whole thing was to see how much I can lose my March 29th (78 days). No actual goal was in mind while starting this mission.
But now I’ve set a checkpoint. I want to get down to 300 pounds. I’ve not given myself a timeline, Low expectations make for minimal disappointment if a failure occurs. For me, anything lost is a win. Maintaining that loss would be even better. So if I weigh myself again in seven days, and I’m still 310, that’s ok.
I am going to try and overcome my social anxiety and go to the gym. I need to add too my calorie deficit in order to lose more. But, I a scurt.
I’m tired and moody and don’t feel like writing a good blog post. So here’s this.
What is The Spite Diet
First it should be noted that The Spite Diet may not be right for everyone. But don’t consult your doctor because that’s why it’s called the Spite Diet.
The Spite Diet (or TSD) for short is exactly that. A diet started out of spite and in order to prove one or more person(s) wrong.
For example: not only am I trying to prove my doctor wrong, but also myself. You see, I have unintentionally maintained the very same weight, give it take a few pounds, for years. Which I think is better than continuously growing.
At my recent yearly checkup my “lady doctor” suggested I talk to my general practitioner about a diabetes drug for weight loss.
First off ma’am you put me in metformin years ago and that did the trick IN THE WORST WAY.
Anyway, I nodded and said ok. But in my head I thought, Nah, my dude. I’m not trying to lose weight now, why would I take medicine from people who need it?
But then I had gained like two pounds.
Well a few weeks later I saw said general practitioner and thought for a split second, “well maybe”. But no, I decided that I wasn’t about that life. But he did want to see me again in three months.
And I had also gained three more pounds. For a total of five gained. Since November (Five at least. There’s a possibility that it was more but I can’t access those numbers).
So, I made the snap decision that I wanted to see how much weight I could lose (I almost wrote gain lort help me) in three months. Three months because it’s a good amount of time to see some change, and I’d have access to the same scale that I was weighed on last time. Consistency is key.
But how?
Well, I accidentally forgot to not pay for an app. If you click the link, it’s a blog post I made about forgetting to turn off auto-renew on the yearly subscription to that app. That app, by the way is called LoseIt. It’s a fitness and tracking app that lets you log everything from food to water and tracks your fitness and calories and macronutrients and such. And it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than Noom.
Anyway, I’m using the app to log my food, my water, my sleep and my weight. It gives me a calorie limit and even tells me how many more I can consume based on “bonus calories burned”.
I’m also in a 12:12 Intermittent Fasting (IF)plan (also not on the advice of any doctor). When I lost some weight before I had The Kid, I was on a similar plan, that was basically me not eating after 8. With this VERY LOOSE IF plan, I eat between 8am and 8pm. I can also have all the zero calorie beverages I want.
What have you eaten on your diet?
Well, day one was unhealthy because I hadn’t really “started”. It involved cup noodles, a snack cake, and corn dogs. Not all in one meal, obviously. But that was what I had that day.
Day Two was a little better. I got some protein shakes, and enjoyed that with my chocolate fudge pop tart for breakfast. On lunch I went to the next door grocery store and got a few items to make a salad. These lasted me three days. It included spring mix greens, diced ham, cheese, and grape tomatoes. And some really good ranch.
I know that part of my problem is portion control, so I made sure to try and use serving sizes of each item. But the greens said it was two servings, the ham was a 2 oz bag and said one serving was half the bag, a quarter cup of cheese was way too much, and the tomatoes were a serving size of like 15?
I wanted to make it last over multiple days and I did. I finished off the greens and the tomatoes today. I still have a good amount left of the rest for at least one more salad if I just get the rest of the ingredients.
Last night was my favorite dinner so far, of the three days. A Turkey burger Patty with garlic and herb seasoning, an 1/8th of a tablespoon of butter and broccoli with butter and seasonings. Was better than I thought and I will eat it again.
I am also very proud of myself for not having a pop for three days now.
Stats
Starting Weight at Doctor’s office (12/28) : 325
Weight on my home scale (12/31) because I need a point of reference until March: 316
My only goal is to see how much I can lose and eventually get down to 300. I think that’s a good attainable number. I just gotta get better at the meal prepping.
In conclusion
Check out the Lose It App. You can sync your Apple Watch, like me, or other device to track your fitness and steps. If you have tried Noom (like me) and don’t enjoy the whole “read this today” thing, or the price point, Lose It is a great option. You can use it for free with limited features or pay $30.00 a year for all of it.
Crash Landing 