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Tag Archives: happy holidays

Elf on the Shelf

04 Sunday Dec 2016

Posted by crashdlanding in Fiction, Uncategorized

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christmas, crashdlanding, elf on the shelf, fiction, happy holidays

Greg stumbled groggily into his kitchen and hissed as the late afternoon sun pierced his squinted eyes.

He was hungover from a night of heavy drinking and coming on to women who immediately rejected him. He’d gotten in late and slept off the booze and the day. He opened the refrigerator to peruse it’s paltry offerings but the sight that greeted him scared the remaining alcohol out of his blood. Jumping back Greg bumped his throbbing noggin on the cabinets, choking back a scream and a groan. The fridge door closed itself and he stared nervously at it, fearing the worst.

Hoping what he saw was caused by leftover drunk he stood, rubbing the rising lump on the back of his head. He stepped forward and opened the door. It was still there.

In all its red and white glory, the elf on the shelf, stared vacantly with that mischievous grin plastered on its face. It sat motionless, it’s hands clutching a broken beer bottle. Inside was a rolled up sheet of paper.

Tentatively Greg pulled it away from the elf, careful not to disturb anything else. He unrolled the sheet, spilling red and green glitter on the kitchen tile, he read the candy cane letters.

“We’re watching you, Greg. Always watching.” It said. “Are you being a good boy?”

-c

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First 100 Days of 2017

25 Friday Nov 2016

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction

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first 100 days, happy holidays, resolutions, thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is over, so it’s officially time to start thinking about the new year. While some of us started wishing for a new year back when everyone’s favorite famous people starting kicking the proverbial bucket, and we all dreamed of a do-over of this election year, now is the time to worry about what we’re doing with 2017. 

The president-elect/businessman/umpa-lumpa/whatever is planning his first 100 days in office and half the country is still praying for that do-over of all that. I’m starting to think about my (probably won’t keep) resolutions. 

First off: doctor appointments. A few years ago, I had some trouble with Endometrial Hyperplasia with Atypia. Loads of megace, two D&Cs and one child later, I think it’d be a good idea to check that out. 

I also need to see my regular doctor. I want to get a real starting weight for a weight loss plan, and discuss other concerns. Notably frequent headaches and possible hereditary brain aneurisms. My mom has had three-currently living with her third – and I worry about my chances. 

Next is a long put off eye doctor appointment. I’ve had the same glasses for almost eight years, the coating on the frames is chipping, and though I see fine, eight years is a long time with the same frames! 

Also on the list: new work clothes. Retail doesn’t allow a lot of freedom with wardrobe, unlike what the NBC show “Superstore” would have you believe. While I’m a huge fan of that show, despite its flaws, I can’t dress like them. And the same work clothes for the past three years tend to become a bit threadbare. And being a rotund lady, things tend to, well, rub. And holes have developed in concerning places on a pair or two of pants. Not to mention the holes in my pockets. I’ve lost one too many pens, gosh darn it!

And since Christmas is still looming on the horizon, albeit not so far off, I still have a few gifts to buy, so money is a problem. Once Christmas is done for I will have less money tied up so I can afford co-pays and “sorry, we ordered this test before we knew your insurance wouldn’t cover it” or “here, just pay your deductible right now and we got this”. Wait, no, insurance company. Because if I had that kinda moolah just laying around, my work clothes wouldn’t have to be on layaway! 

Anyway, I’d also like to do more blogging in the new year. But it’ll probably end up being like it is now, blogging when I should be sleeping. While my Black Friday mayhem shift wasn’t so bad this year, I’m still tired! 

Good night, friends, and happy holidays! 

Do you have any resolutions yet?

–c

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