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Crash Landing

Tag Archives: health

Over the last few days I’ve been in a rough place.

08 Wednesday Jun 2022

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction

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crash landing, crashdlanding, emotional health, health, Mental Health, non-fiction, nonfiction

Well, more like months but probably years?

Lately though, between a combination of back issues, illness, and other factors, I have emotionally and mentally not been in the best place. Not to mention that I did something I told myself I wouldn’t do again.

For anyone concerned that last thing has nothing to do with physically hurting myself or harming anyone else in any way. It’s just a thing that causes me dismay that I promised myself I would avoid.

Side note/Life Hack: if you can’t get at a good angle to see under something use your video feature with flash on to look. I found my off brand mucinex.

Overthinking things and letting my mind hope and wonder, but also knowing that I’m probably not strong enough to fight against all the things coming at me at once, makes for a harsh internal climate.

And you DO NOT want to know how many times in the last three weeks I’ve wanted to cut off all my hair. Myself. We’re it not for my young child I would be intentionally bald. She likes my hair.

In the last three weeks my back has gone out about three times (really it’s just been the once but it’ll feel better then get bad again). I’ve coughed so much my head hurts and my chest hurts, not to mention the coughing until I gag.

Also and this is slightly more funny than the rest of it, my voice is kinda fine but kinda not, to the extent that my child asked me at one point to stop singing to the music we were listening too, because—and I quote, “it sounds bad.”

I personally found it absolutely hilarious that when I hit the high notes my voice was basically nonexistent. But also the force required to speak is exhausting.

Over the last few days I’ve consumed my weight in ibuprofen and cough medicine. Multiple people at work have told me I smell like a cough drop so at this point it’s probably coming out in my sweat.

But I did finally finish a short story related to the #PretendFantasyNovel. It’s currently up but password protected until the group members have had a chance to read it.

It might end up being available to all in a week. Or I might keep it just between us.

Anyway the melatonin is taking over and I’m gonna let it. Gonna go dream about millipedes on my pillow. Goodnight


Thanks for reading!

-c

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I bet I can’t drink 64 oz of water in one day

03 Monday Jan 2022

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction, resolutions

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anxiety, crash landing, crashdlanding, health, non-fiction, resolutions, water

See what I did there? Cause I know I can’t?

Part of my “resolutions” for 2022 is to take better care of myself. Had I resolved to and achieved this goal a decade ago I would be in a lot better place. Obviously.

But I didn’t and here we are, with blog content.

It’s always been important to me to live long enough to see my child into adult years. And the kid is still in the single digit age range, and I am nearing the 4th decade of my life, I’m due for a reboot.

Today I saw a doctor. I didn’t just see him from a distance or happen upon him in the wild. Nay Nay. I braved the public and met him intentionally at his place of business. To seek medical care.

Nay Nay

-Bailey Sarian

Well, in all honesty it was to ask for some anxiety medicine because, I’ll go into that someday.

I did come out of his office with a refill on my heart meds and the knowledge that it’s not just caffeine that can spike heart issues but SUGAR as well. All these years and I’ve only been told to avoid caffeine! No sugar?! Lort, I’m gonna need antidepressants too!

Anyway, I told him all the reasons why I love my child I mean why I am having anxiety issues. I should have said something along the lines of “this morning when my husband didn’t message me back for less that 2 hours I assumed automatically that he had died in a horrible accounting accident and not that, in reality, the five texts that I’d sent him had simply not come through.

Or that when my child sleeps soundly through the night and doesn’t not wake to come into my room that she has somehow died in her sleep and I fear even walking into her room to prove to myself that no, she can in fact sleep all night in her own bed, which she has done multiple times through the past month.

My dude didn’t want to prescribe anything yet, since I did say one of the main sources of my anxiety has improved (currently, don’t jinx it). He said if I still think I need it to come back.

Of course I’ll have to fed the vampire and apparently there’s a pee monster somewhere (bloodwork and urinalysis for those that truly believe I’m nuts)(I am actually but not that bad).

I was afraid this one was gonna be one of those doctors that’d give you whatever you wanted and that’s not good. But he seems like a good one so far. He’s very chatty. I know his wife likes LaCroix and he has two kids, one is a 9 week old boy. He also knows one of my kid’s principals.

But the last doctor I liked and trusted up and left without saying anything and I grew up with that guy!

Oh well. We’ll see how this goes. I’m gonna drink a lot of water tomorrow. Goodnight!

Thanks for reading!

-c


Not European. But I’m a peein’. Get it? Cause all the water?

My husband laughed.

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Back That Thing Up

14 Wednesday Aug 2019

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction, Rant

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back injury, back pain, crash landing, crashdlanding, health, non-fiction, work

If I could go back in time I wouldn’t miss work, I’d just power (stumble) through. But if I could go back in time I guess I could probably prevent the back injury to begin with.

So, a week ago now, I was just minding my own business and getting out of bed and felt a twinge of pain in my lower back. Literally, all I did was get out of bed. My first thought was, “Ow,” for obvious reasons. But I’d felt very similar twinges before (my husband didn’t think that was a word a while back, in your face hubby) and they’d just gone away.

This twinge didn’t go away but instead simply GREW. The more I moved around the less I was able to move around. Within an hour I was in tears, trying to not make any verbal declarations of pain (don’t scare the kid) and telling my husband (and sister) via text that I needed a doctor.

Mistake Number One: going to an After Hours Clinic instead of a doctor office or ER.

This was a mistake for a reason I’ll get to later. But I chose an after hours instead of the emergency room because of money. An after hours wasn’t going to charge me to lay in a bed or breathe their air.

And of course I wouldn’t be able to get in to see a doctor same day or within the hour. Which will also come up later.

I went to the after hours clinic and saw an APRN. I didn’t know that was a thing until I googled it. It’s “Advanced Practice Registered Nurse” apparently. “Crystal’s Definition” is “high wizard nurse” or “super nurse”. Anyway, she poked my back, checked my breathing, asked questions, gave me a shot in both butt cheeks (well not her, Super Nurses don’t have to touch butts if they don’t wanna) called in a muscle relaxer and a steroid (aka placebo and vomik) then sent me on my merry, stumbling, toddler-walking way.

I went home (we stopped for Blizzards at DQ, when mamma is sick we get ice cream) and the hubs went and got my meds.

Steroids are the nastiest tasting thing on the planet. I can say this since I haven’t had some of the others in a while. And I have zero evidence the ‘roids or muscle relaxer did a thing!

I had work the next day, early. But my thoughts were: if you cannot bend down enough to sit on the toilet without wanting to cry, then you probably shouldn’t work. So I called in, and moaned and groaned alone in my home (too “dr suess”?).

Two days I called in and knew I didn’t have anymore I could take, so I told myself I had to work Saturday. While I was better able to walk without quite as much pain, and I’d figured out how to sit without dying a little each time, I wasn’t in good enough condition to work. So after about half an hour I left.

THAT WAS MISTAKE NUMBER TWO because it led to not only why mistake one was a mistake, but all the rest of the mistakes after.

Yes, had I stayed I might have spent half of my eight hour shift crying in a corner (but not in a fetal position I couldn’t do that). But I would have (A) gotten paid, and (B) not had to start the Leave of Absence process.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

The company I work for now has a two step verification process for logins into all outside facility apps and websites. This is to protect employees from all this hacking nonsense. ITS THE DEVIL. Especially if you have to log on multiple times and don’t have a cell signal. I had to go outside, toward the end of my driveway three times in two days, when I’m partly immobile, to call in and attempt the process for LOA.

I still ended up messaging my Personnel Coordinator and she put in the request for me. M if your reading this you’re the bomb and that call today I may or may not have been on the potty sorry.

Now, even though I’d gotten out of the house for the After Hours visit and a hot minute at work, I was beginning to go a little stir crazy. I ended up cleaning from the edge of my bed, yes. Cleaning. I used a stick and back scratcher to reach things I wanted to grab and get rid of. But even a few minutes of this and my back was mad at me.

I ended up having my husband make a third heating pad (damp towel in the microwave), I took four ibuprofen and fell asleep. When I woke up that was the best my back had felt in days.

While I was off I watched two movies, Season One if “The Boys” on Amazon Prime, contemplated the meaning of my life, felt completely and utterly useless and needy.

The only positive to come out of this whole thing is that, before, my ankles where my issue. I couldn’t be on them more than an hour without wanting to cut my feet off (ask my coworkers). But since I’ve been forced off said feet, my ankles haven’t been bothering me. Of course that’ll change as soon as I get back to work but I honestly don’t care. I’ll take care of them eventually but right now I’d cut them off if it meant I COULD work.

Also between visits to After Hours (I’ll get to visit two in a sec) I’ve somehow LOST seven pounds, DESPITE, doing absolutely nothing for five days.

So, for my leave to be approved I have to have a DOCTOR fill out some paperwork, which includes a return to work form. I legit don’t know if I need any of this to go back but I’m going anyway.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

If you don’t know me personally (and even if you do you might not know this) I have had, for most of my life, a crippling fear of phone calls. Like, making phone calls. Is it anxiety or just laziness? The world may never know. Anyway, since working at (employer for last ten years) I’ve come out of my shell more and mind it less. However, since being in my “sick bed” of a house I guess my anxiety has come seeping back because I HATE MAKING PHONE CALLS. My husband called after hours for me today to see if they could fill out my papers (THEY SAID YES). I kept putting it off. If I had of done it myself I might have gotten the right answer.

I’d had every intention of working Tuesday, as I didn’t want to miss anymore. But I was scared of pain (wimpy wimpy wimpy) and didn’t want to make my situation worse. So I called in again, with every determination to get my papers filled out and go back by Thursday (I’m always off Monday and Wednesday). So I called a doctor office I used to use before my doctor turned tail and ran (sorry dude it’s funnier if I say it like that). I hadn’t been back in a while since I didn’t have a doctor there and medical care costs money. I’d had a doctor recommended to me and I tried for an appointment.

However, even though they had all my information and history, they were treating me like a new patient, in that there was a wait time. The doctor I requested had no openings until OCTOBER. The soonest they could work me in with anyone was a week. I DON’T HAVE A WEEK. I told the lady I’d call back (I haven’t yet).

Eventually my husband offered to call After Hours for me, and they said they could fill out the paperwork, and we made plans for him to come get me and take me (apparently I don’t like driving myself places anymore either?). We got there, and we went through the motions of waiting and paying a copay and eventually vitals (hubby took kiddo to Walmart and bought me some otc pain patches. I’ll let ya know if they work lol). So when triage asked me what I was there for I told her about the paperwork.

She went and asked the APRN. She told me that she couldn’t do it since they weren’t my primary care doctors, they hadn’t taken me off work, and they haven’t evaluated my ability to go back. So after driving all the way there, waiting much longer than I’ve had to wait in their office before, getting my vitals (I lost seven pounds) and paying a copay, I wasted my time.

I was ready to cry in frustration (not the first time this week) and pain.

Don’t worry this long post is almost over.

So tomorrow (technically today) I’ve got to try to convince a doctor to see me (hopefully same day) and fill out some papers so I can go back to work the next day. I mean I’m gonna go back Thursday anyway. Who cares if I only last a little while.

But if this leave doesn’t get approved, I’ll have well over my allowed unapproved absences, which is grounds for termination. In order to get it approved I have to have these papers filled out ASAP. I’ve worked for (REDACTED) for a decade. I like my job. It’s not my dream job (teacher, writer, comedian apparently) but I like it, it pays well, and I can’t imagine myself not working there. It’s my family. Also I have bills. Lots and lots of bills.

So unless someone wants to pay me a large sum for the movie rights to “Black Friday: A Zombie Story” I’m screwed. I’ll sell “Darkness” too. It’s pretty ok.

FOR THE RECORD: I am by no means dissing my workplace, employers, coworkers, or corporate. I understand and abide by their attendance policy and actually think it’s pretty generous (it used to be more generous but it’s still pretty decent). Nor am I downing the After Hours Clinic, or APRNs. Or the doctor office I called.

I do in fact hate my body and wish I could trade it in for a nice, gently used, good condition, upgrade model, but alas I am not a car.

Always, thanks for reading.

-c

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