I was gonna call in.

Not because I’m sick or someone else is sick. Or because of some family obligation. But because I just needed some time off.

But I didn’t. As I’d told one of my bosses, I’m a glutton for punishment. You see, two days ago I was an hour and a half late getting off (OT paying my bills this week woo). This wasn’t because I was forced too. I just didn’t want to (a) leave something half finished and (b) didn’t want to leave it on my teammate. As I was leaving I told manager A and my teammate, “shoo I might not be here tomorrow.” I was being absolutely not serious and they knew it.

So the next day, when A told me, laughing, “Thanks for showing up!” We both laughed a little. Little did he know I had texted my husband a few hours earlier saying, “I might call in tomorrow.”

There are a few reasons why. These include but aren’t limited to the fact that I’m so exhausted that I napped on lunch (undisturbed), I’m burned out, and I could use some quality family time.

Also a factor in me wanting to call in: the fact that the two days afterward I was already off. So I’d have three days in a row.

So why didn’t you?

It was the fact that I am a glutton for punishment, and the inescapable guilt I always feel when calling in, regardless of the reason. Honestly the last time I remember not feeling even a small amount of guilt for calling in was when my mother was dying. To be honest, I couldn’t remember to even call in some of those days, much less have room for guilt related to it.

So, despite the fact that I’d already started to get excited about starting my tiny vacation a day early, when my husband asked me when I came home, “So are you going to call in?”

My response was, of course: “Probably not.”

I begrudgingly went in to work, despite the absolute desire not to, like a good little employee. And I did legit tell manager B that I wanted to but figured I better not.

The fact, too, that my child needs dental work and I want to be able to be there for her, well, I need my options open with time.

All The Regerts

However, it didn’t take long for me to regret showing up. It never does, sadly. Before the two hour mark, I was down in the floor, fixing a vendor mistake, as is often the case, on my knees. I made the terrible mistake of turning without moving my knees.

“Oh well, that’s not good.” Are the words i verbalized when I felt the telltale Twinge. I cannot explain why but the only thing I can think of when I get The Twinge is a salt grinder.

The Twinge usually happens with some bending or twisting motion. It’s a tingly, faintly painful, feeling. Sorta like when your foot was, like, dead asleep, and it’s coming back and there’s these pins and needles? But like, all at once. It lasts a few seconds and then it’s gone. But what’s left behind is pain with movement.

This time, as opposed to last, it’s more in the middle of my back, instead of the lower back. My absolute best guess is muscle related, because otherwise how the hell am I still walking?!

If after all these years and all these Twinges, if this is not a muscle but a spinal related issue (since it’s my back), how does my lower half still function?

Bad Luck, Bad Karma, or Fate?

Now, whose to say, had I called in, I’d not moved in a funny way, and not had the same or similar issue? I don’t know if I believe in fate, but I’m pretty sure I believe in bad karma for me.

Because of course I was thinking of taking a mental health day for myself, and end up with a sore back while at work. Luckily, though, it wasn’t much worse. I feel like my middle back has less movement. It’s more, stable? My lower back, I bend a lot. I was able to function today without altering my movements too drastically.

I’m gonna be 37 (again) in two days.

I’m not gonna let this put a damper on my two whole days off. I’m gonna sleep in (8:30? 9:00?! Scandalous! OUTRAGEOUS!). I’m going to spend quality time with The Hubs and The Kid.

But right now, my melatonin (which I don’t usually take if I’m not working the next day), and the Benadryl (which I took to combat this bug bite) are currently fighting to see who gets to punch me in the brain. Time for sleeps.

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Thanks for reading!

-c