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Crash Landing

Crash Landing

Tag Archives: personal

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow.

27 Tuesday Dec 2022

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction, personal

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crash landing, crashdlanding, doctor, health, life, non-fiction, personal, wants, your wants won’t kill ya

So here are all the things I could tell him about but probably won’t

My gynecologist told me to ask him about some diabetes drug because it’s shown a lot of potential as a weight loss drug.

I don’t go to her because of my weight. I go to her so I can satisfy the yearly requirement to have my pap smeared so I can get the renewed prescription for the birth control that’s keeping me from getting cancer. Supposedly. Also it keeps me from having Aunt Flo visit for shark week every month.

I don’t actively try to lose weight because I’m actively trying not to throw myself from a bridge just to see if I could fly away. Yes I know what the actual outcome of that experiment would be. I’m not completely delusional.

I could also tell them that despite the fact that he told me to “wait and see” instead of prescribing me an anxiety medication, I was dealing with a lot of stress and mood issues so I bought and OTC supplement called SAMe without doing research first.

I only took three mostly because I wasn’t gonna take it on my day off and it fell off my bedside table into the black whole that exists in the floor between it, the wall, and the bed.

I could tell him that my whole body hurts most of the time but we’d end up circling back the the weight issue and then we’d end up right at the jumping off a bridge thing.

I could tell him about the pain in my back that’s definitely not my back and most likely not the “you don’t eat enough fiber” issue that he claimed it was last time. But he’d probably tell me, “drink more water and take MORE fiber.”

I AM probably gonna tell him, no, I’ve not been following his recommendations because if I do all the things he tells me to in one day, more than two days in a row, they have the right effect but in the absolute extreme way, and I don’t need that either.

I WILL tell him do my own form of what he suggested and supplement as needed.

Why am I gonna not tell him any of these things?

Because it doesn’t matter. Nothing, in fact, matters. At the end of the day there’s still going to be a long list of problems that cannot be fixed by a prescription and some yearly blood work. In fact, most of my issues will not show up in bloodwork.

The localized pain in my head that happens sometimes when I bend over sometimes when I strain and sometimes when I’m tired but also sometimes when I’m just sitting still minding my own business. The swelling in my legs and feet, the muscle cramps the exhaustion.

I’ve only ever always had basically fine bloodwork. I’ve had X-rays in my back, my knees. Never in my ankles though I wonder what they’d see .

To be honest I don’t remember when this appointment was scheduled, it could have been the last time I saw him. But I also had an appoint in, like, October, that I legit slept through. I didn’t wanna go anyway.

I’m tired. I wanna be happier, I wanna be healthier. I want to be a better mom. I want to be glad to wake up in the morning just to do the same thing every single day.

I want I want I want I want.


I hope tomorrow’s post is more interesting

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Pros and Cons

03 Saturday Dec 2022

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction, personal

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crash landing, crashdlanding, decisions, job change, non-fiction, personal, promotion, pros and cons

While I’ve already made the decision I needed to make, I am still going to lay out the pros and cons of it here, because its been took long since I got personal here. And were all going to suffer together, like the big unhappy family we are.

Pros

  • Significant Pay Raise
  • Faster accumulation of PTO/PPTO
  • Randomized Weekends off
  • Same number of scheduled hours
  • Slightly more autonomy
  • Sleep in some days
  • Being a boss

Cons

  • Unpredictable weekly schedule
  • Less time with The Kid
  • Would likely have to close by myself
  • Being a “gopher” to higher ups
  • More Stress
  • Being a boss
  • Not the position I would have picked for myself.

So, there has been a slight shake up at RETAIL ESTABLISHMENT. There was a vacancy in one department, which they ended up giving to someone who created a vacancy in another department. These vacancies were of equal caliber, but probably different pay grades. I did not at any point seriously consider a position any the first vacancy. However, the second vacancy gave me slight pause. “I could do this one,” I thought.

But I had sworn off trying for a promotion, for many reasons. My current position offers multiple benefits, the most important of which being my set schedule that is the same every day. The same hours a day, the same days off every week.Hours that allow me to be home with the kid in the evenings. I had been trying and hoping for these benefits for years. And I finaly got them a few years ago. And especially with everything that has gone on with her over the last few years, being home with her and having a regular schedule has been a benefit all of us.

But with all my money issues as of late, the increase in pay would reduce that stress and simply make my life easier (which makes me think of a “You Don’t Need…” post).

So, despite The Hubs telling me “I can’t tell you to do or not to do.” I have decided that I won’t be applying for the position that is open. I will only be leaving my current position at RETAIL ESTABLISHMENT if the one I want open’s up, or I keel over in the floor, and they push me out the way with a dry mop and move on. I mean, they’d probably at least put a caution cone near me so no one trips.

So my direct supervisors can relax, they’re not getting rid of me that easy.


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And now it’s time for something completely different

31 Monday Mar 2014

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

blood test, conception, future, hope, hyperplasia, non-fiction, personal

In which I get personal.

One of the things you may not know about me yet, is that my husband and I have been trying to conceive for five years now.

Initially it was one thing after another. I was old I was too heavy, I was told I has Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I was PUT ON BIRTH CONTROL FROM CRAP’S SAKE.

Eventually, last year, I found the doctor I have now. She figured out, through a D&C, that I had what’s called “Endometrial Hyperplasia with Atypia”. It is a precancerous condition in which the lining of your uterus (or endometrium) doesn’t stop growing and isn’t shed monthly (uh, gross).

This condition plagued me for six months. A daily dose of Megace, and another D&C-where stuff gets scraped, BIG TIME, and I one day got the phone call that I was “all clear”.

When the final script of Magace ran out, I returned to my Dr, and she put me on birth control to regulate me.

Once that was over, I started clomid, a fertility medicine that’s supposed to help a woman ovulate.

My blood test (almost one year from my first appointment with my current GYNO) is supposed to discover whether or not the meds are doing the job.

My hopes and prayers are that they are, and that we can continue on this course until we achieve that five-years-in-waiting goal of pregnancy.

So I am afraid for tomorrow. Not of having my blood drawn. But of the results of said test. Wish me luck ladies and gents. I need it. Because we (Hubster and I) want more than anything to finally be parents.

Thanks for listening.
-c

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