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Crash Landing

Tag Archives: retail

BMB: I’m doing it again

16 Saturday Jul 2022

Posted by crashdlanding in BMB, Dreams

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crash landing, crashdlanding, Dreams, education, family, life, mistakes, non-fiction, retail, teaching, work

Day like whatever. 16? Oh. 16

Hello and welcome back to “Oops Crystal Is Doing It Again”. The show where I let the tiniest seed of an idea slip into my head that I might still be able to be a teacher.

Ah yes. All the factors are there. Talking about teaching. That’s it. That’s all it takes. oh and Back-To-School has begun in Retail Establishment. Actually probably at all retail establishments.

Backstory for those who might not know

Hi, I graduated from one of my states top teacher colleges in 2007. Approximately 15 years ago. I had wanted to be a teacher for most of my life (that and a writer). And I made amazing plans for myself.

But then I got stupid and have been working retail ever since.

I have made NUMEROUS half-hearted attempts to get back into it over the years. I substituted for a while, I even interviewed. Once, 1,000 years ago. I’ve started stuffing for the praxis (two separate tests I needed to take to renew a thing) about a million times.

Between exhaustion and depression, parenting and a full-time job, I pretty much only have the energy to stare at my phone all day (you should see my house. Better yet, please don’t you’d have me committed or something).

A few months back I made the mistake of looking at job openings, not to teach but anything to get my into a classroom. And, of course, I was let down. Because even if I could have gotten the job, I wouldn’t have been able to pay my bills.

And part of the reason I’m in this mess is because I didn’t want to burden my husband with bills.

You see, I graduated in December 2007. Student loan companies give you a six month grace period before your payment comes due. My student loan came due July 2008. I got married in October 2008. I did not want my new husband to have to pay my student loan anymore (my parents paid it before that). So ya girl got her first real big girl job. IN. RETAIL.

I told myself, “I’ll be here six months and I’ll get a teaching job.”

Well 13+ years later and I’m still there. I’ve jumped around a few times in where I worked in the building. But I never left, no matter how much I want to some days.

And because I have been there for more than a decade, I’m making more than what “entry level” pay would be for any “non-certified” position in my local districts school system. And because I’m making what I am, my expenses have increased to match.

Meaning… I make just enough to pay my bills but not have nice things. Which also means that if I drop in pay in any significant way, then I will not be able to pay said bills.

The only way I would let myself commit such a stupid act is if by some miracle I woke up to roughly $25,000 to pay off all my outstanding debt. That’s not including the services I pay for. That or my husband some how gets a really big raise.

See, I’m very very lucky in a lot of ways. First, my husband’s income provides a LOT for us. The only shared things I pay for are Netflix, Cellphone (which he contributes to) and daycare.

The remainder of my bills is literally my own stupid decisions, namely credit cards and a truck payment. Somehow this post turned into a very depressing financial post. And that’s not what this post is about.

This post is about teaching. And why I can never.

First off, since it has been 100 years, in education years, since I graduated, a lot has changed. State standards, requirements for being an educator, and even technology.

There also used to be alternative routes to becoming an teacher in my state.

But, Crystal, why would you need an alternate route?

*Knocks everything off the table in anger*

BECAUSE. Because it’s been 15 years since I’ve learned anything. And in that amount of time, I’ve forgotten things. There might even be different standards to getting certified in the state. That’s where I screwed my self over, again.

I made the terrible mistake of looking at these routes, and imagined the possibility of taking one of these paths, and becoming a teacher.

This is starting to feel like, like infertility. Like wanting a baby and getting so close to it that you take a test and it says positive, but you have to wait for the doctor to tell you, “you’re not pregnant.”

(Do not take it the wrong way I am not comparing it to a miscarriage, I’ve never had one but know how devastating it would be.)

And because I keep letting myself fall back into this vicious cycle

I haven’t given myself any real chance to accept it, mourn, go through the stages of grief, and get all the way to acceptance. And because of that, I keep telling myself teaching might have been the one thing I could have been great at. The one thing where I could have made a difference.

And it is all, every single aspect of the entire disappointing situation, is all my own stupid fault. It has all been my absolute terrible decision making skills that have lead me down this path. A path away from what could have been an amazing and I’m wonderful career but instead to a “Same thing every day never making a single step in a positive direction” job.

I am grateful for my job. There are people out there that would kill for my job with my pay, because I do make decent money. I am glad I can pay my bills and sometimes scrape together a few dollars to buy The Kid a thing.

But just like always, I had big dreams and poor follow through. My situation is my own and I need to accept it.


I’d like to apologize for this rant of a post. In the coming days there should be some more interesting posts. I hope you stick around.


Thanks for reading

-c

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BMB: Story Time

02 Saturday Jul 2022

Posted by crashdlanding in BMB, Non-Fiction, Uncategorized

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crash landing, crashdlanding, family, friends, non-fiction, retail, The Kid, work

Today’s Blog was going to be a “Draft Day” post, but to be honest, my head wasn’t in the game. So I thought I’d share a story from today.

But first some Backstory

I used to work with a woman named Patty. I can share her name here, cause reasons. Patty was, well, you know how people say, “Older people are set in their ways”? Well, Patty knew what she would tolerate and what she wouldn’t. Patty had good and bad qualities, as we all do.

Patty, once she learned that I had a degree in education, wanted me to get back into teaching. This was when I wasn’t so far removed from the profession that it would be like teaching a caveman how to twitter. She even provided a reference for me, for the single solitary time I interviewed for a teaching position (we all know how that worked out). Also, Patty was a teacher before she worked in retail.

Whatever Patty may or may not have been, she had a big heart when she opened it up to people. If she liked you, you knew it. Sometimes.

Anywho

I was doing some price changes retail related tasks when I heard a voice. “There she is.” I turned my head to see not one but two former coworkers. Lets call them Mildred Lane and Opal. If you know who I’m talking about that could be hilarious. Anyway, apparently these two were out and about running errands. If this is what retired former retail coworkers do then sign me up.

Anyway, Mildred Lane was talking about me when she’d said, “There she is.” Mildred Lane, who is Patty’s twin sister, had retired about a year ago because an injury that wouldn’t quite heal, I think. Opal, I think, had just had enough of Retail Establishment’s nonsense, and had retired about the same time.

Mildred Lane had something for me. She had found it when going through Patty’s things. You see, Patty, had always been kind of quiet about anything she was really struggling with, health wise. I think she was just raised to not talk about things like that. But after retiring (she retired a few years before these two had) her health went downhill quickly. I don’t know the details, but she passed last year.

While I wasn’t super close with Patty, and some of my memories of her weren’t always positive, there is one thing I will absolutely never forget about Patty. She LOVED my baby. She was so happy for me when I found out I was pregnant, she got us baby shower gifts, and she even got The Kid gifts for Christmas. One of her favorite books, “The Night Before Christmas” is from Patty.

One Christmas, during my first polymer clay phase, I made Patty this cat, modeled after what I thought her beloved cat looked like. He looks a little like a child made him but by golly I thought it looked good. And Patty seemed to like it.

But I knew what this thing was that Mildred Lane had for me. She’d been in the store just a short while after Patty passed. She told me she found this thing she had for me and needed to bring it to me.

And here she was, handing me a blue grocery bag with what I knew was a picture of my baby. Literally, a picture of baby The Kid. In a frame.

Baby The Kid, circa 1,000 years ago. In a Snow White dress. I still have that somewhere.

I remember the day the picture was taken, vaguely. I remember Patty asked me if she could take her picture, and she then proceeded to take it to the photo center and have a copy printed off. She’d told me she was going to frame it.

Now, I realize to an outsider this might sound kinda creepy. But at this stage I had known and worked closely with Patty for the better part of five years or more. She went from being someone I was a bit intimidated by (literally everyone for me for a long time) to someone “you just need to know how to handle”.

But the fact that Patty had a picture of my kid, framed, in her home, well, I think it would make anyone feel good to know that someone you know loves your child.

I told The Kid about someone bringing me something, and I showed her that it was the picture. She got a little emotional, I think. Even though she probably doesn’t remember Patty much, I have told her about her before. She said exactly what I knew she’d say. “I’m going to keep it in my room!” And she did. It is by her bed as she sleeps right now. HOLY CRAP ITS ALMOST MIDNIGHT.

Turned things around, a little.

I had been having a bad day. I had a bad day yesterday, and today had been shaping up to be about the same. This is both all my fault and not at all my fault. But when someone brought me a framed picture of my own child, a picture that someone chose to display and possibly look upon daily, well then, that pushed my day gently in the opposite direction.

I mean, it still sucked. But, slightly less.


Thanks for Reading.

-c

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At what point do I let myself stop being so strong?

23 Monday May 2022

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction, Truth, Uncategorized

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back pain, crash landing, crashdlanding, exhaustion, life, non-fiction, pain, retail, work

Ok that came out weird. Three days ago my back went out. Well, not completely, just enough for me to be in constant pain if I’m not in precisely the right position, but not enough for me to take time off to recuperate.

Honestly you can just add it to the growing list of aches and pains I deal with on a daily basis. Things like what I think is plantar fasciitis in my left foot, or how sometimes when I take a step with either foot I get a pain in my ankle joint and for a split second I cannot put weight on it. How about the fact that MY ARMS HURT. I am a side sleeper and I cannot sleep on my arms anymore without pain.

My hips hurt from compensating with my feet. My knees hurt because walking and bending and crawling in the floor.

The back pain right now is currently top of my list of “Why If Sucks To Be Me.”

Honestly if I had a pill I could take that would make all my aches abs pains disappear long enough for me to be a functioning adult, I’d probably develop a dependency. Honestly having a moment where I have absolutely no pain would be absolute freaking bliss. A high I will never achieve.

So at what point can I stop the “grin and bear it” thing I’ve been doing for, honestly, years now? Because I’m tired. I am not just physically but emotionally and mentally exhausted.

I’ve gone to work every day I’ve worked since my back went out. I spend the entire rest of the day when it happened at work. I went in the next day because “my brother’s getting married, if I can attend a wedding I can work.” When it should have been “if I can finish out my day after hurting my back, I can work another and attend a wedding.

Actually it should have been neither.

But because I am stubborn I didn’t want to miss work. Because

  1. Last time I hurt my back I had to take a leave. And it was deemed “not medically necessary” by the company that controls leave of absences for my Employer. Those missed days weren’t approved and I nearly lost my job because of it.
  2. I don’t like to think I’m letting someone else down or leaving more work for them to do.
  3. I’m a stubborn ass.

At some point I will break, in some form. I get home from work and can’t walk anyway, and now I’ve got this back pain to deal with.

Hopefully in a week or so it’ll let up. Probably would quicker if I had some time. But I don’t.


Thanks for reading.

-c

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I woke up this morning and my body chose violence.

19 Thursday May 2022

Posted by crashdlanding in Uncategorized

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back pain, clearance, crash landing, crashdlanding, injury, life, melatonin, non-fiction, remodel, retail, work

First off, I woke up with a headache. That shouldn’t even be a thing.

Second, I forgot pants. No, I didn’t leave the house without them, I’m pretty sure my Day Job wouldn’t let me get into the building without them. These are unattractive legs. They’re mine, but unattractive.

I realized I forgot to ensure I had clean pants for work. So I sat on the throne (🚽) and “read the news” (but also read the news because smartphones exhaust), just… pantless.

Then, I got up because it was time for The Hubby to “read the news” and I proceeded to drop things. My deodorant into the sink, the box of cotton swabs on to the floor, my shoes. my thought aloud to my spouse were, “is this how my day is gonna go? The universe is telling me it is.”

Honestly it was lucky I took my morning dose of ibuprofen. I’ve taken it every morning for the last few days hoping to minimize foot pain. Aside from everything else on my feet hurting, I’ve be blessed (and I mean that sarcastically) what I believe is plantar fasciitis. Nothing I do helps it, except staying off my feet as much as possible. But guess what? That’s my whole job.

Anyway I make it to work on time-ish. I plan for a productive day, but lo the Remod crew has been hard at work to destroy that which we know so well. Leaving my team (of which I do not lead) to clean up.

Boss works on that while I do other time sensitive tasks. he later asks me ti help with his work, and I commence. Which requires a whole load of bending in picking.

And then it happens.

The Twinge.

A tingling, jarring, unnerving split second of pain. Now the first twinge is nothing. It’s a whisper of what could be. So, as always when I get The Twinge, I stand perfectly still. I think, “is this it? Am I down for the count? Is my life over? Will this be the one that paralyzes me for good?” You know, because anxiety.

So I test the water. There it is again but not quite as there. Subtle. Now is when I think, “this could go one of two ways. Either it goes away never to bother me again… until the next time.” There’s always a next time. They’re just not always close together.

Or. This is the end.

Well, the problem was that I still had a great deal of bending and picking to do. Like a lot. And I was barely two hours into my day. And because I am the type of person to not want to let anyone down because it makes me feel like I’m not doing what I should be doing, I know I will not leave.

Because the last time I injured my back (did I mention this was my back) I was out of work for four days, could not physically move without pain. But I did not get approved for leave from work and I nearly lost my job because my absences were not approved. Apparently leave was not medically necessary.

Horseradish.

So I was not leaving work so I could get in trouble for leaving work. Well I had PPTO so I would have been fine.

But as I told my much younger than me boss: I have been ignoring concerning aches and pains for decades. I’ll be fine.

I made it though my shift. Mostly whining, groaning, and banging non-fragile items on hard surfaces because sometimes you hurt and want to break thinks like you are broken.

I even managed to come home and make a crafty wedding gift.

And now my melatonin has slapped me in the face and is trying to pull down my eyelids. I’ll update tomorrow if I’m able to roll out if the bed tomorrow morning.

Goodnight

-c

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My Life: A Summary

19 Saturday Mar 2022

Posted by crashdlanding in Random, Truth

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bedtime, crash landing, crashdlanding, exhausted, family, life, melatonin, non-fiction, retail, routine, work, writing

You ever have so many things you want to do but absolutely zero time or energy in which to do them?

Well that is my life. I think willpower has a lot to do with it too. Lately my life feels more or less like every day is the same and nothing ever changes. Because it be like that. It do.

Maybe that’s why it all seems to go so quickly and I have to stop and think, “is it already Friday?”

6:00am: wake up get and ready for work.

6:30am(ish):leave for work.

6:45am: get to work and sit in the parking lot contemplating staying in the truck for 8 hours.

7:06am(ish): clock in and work.

8:30-9:30am: take a 15 at some point. Get Gatorade and peanut M&Ms, 99% of the time.

?-11:50am(ish): do work things (including but not limited to complaining under my breath about the following:

  • Plugging
  • Picks
  • Overstock
  • Modular resets
  • The 9,000 daily tasks I’m expected to do along with the “here this needs done” extra things.

11:50-12:50am: have lunch. Look at funny pictures in my phone for an hour while thinking about how much I could be getting done with the #pretendfantasynovel and blogging and all kinds of stuff.

12:50pm(ish): more work

2:00pm(ish): last break. Whatever man. Talking to coworkers?

4:00-4:30pm(ish): go home. If it’s a week day I pick The Kid up.

Spend the rest of the evening after dinner either wasting my life on the Internet watching videos or looking at funny pictures, wallowing in self-pity, or wishing I could change myself or my life.

8:00pm: begin bedtime routine

  1. Brush my teeth.
  2. Get kid’s teeth brushed.
  3. Go to The Kid’s room.
  4. Melatonin gummy for The Kid (1mg The Kid is a lightweight).
  5. Brush her hair.
  6. Lotion her feet and hands (helps us both relax and she also has the softest feet of any human).
  7. Give The Kid her allergy meds and tummy gummy.
  8. Story time till she falls asleep (almost done with “Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets”).
  9. Sit in The Kid’s bed next to her sleeping form looking at funny pictures or writing this blog post (I’m now editing in my own bed).

9:30-9:40pm(ish): go to my room, contemplate the possibilities of doing something productive. (Actually I’m editing a blog post.)

10:00pm: Realize I’ve spent too much time looking at stupid stuff on the internet, take my melatonin, take my medicine and try to get comfortable in my hard ass bed.

I’m currently completing the editing of this post at 10:28pm. MY melatonin is kicking my butt. Luckily I don’t take it on my days off.

Wake up a million times in the night.

Sometime around 5am my body says “that’s enough” but I ignore it and struggle to go back to sleep.

Do it all over again at 6:00am, usually with some kind of ache and/or pain.


I realize my posts are boring and inconsistent and not helpful to anyone, usually especially me. But this is how I cope with life and what my brain is doing. I’d prefer my brain to nothing most days.

But you know what, I’m not on any kind of medication keeping me from going completely bonkers (though I wouldn’t deny something would help me). I’m also still employed and haven’t run away to live as a hermit in an abandoned building on some unused corner of a reach persons’s sprawling acreage.

That sounds absolutely amazing.

But alas I have responsibilities, The Kid, people who love me and need me, and I still have a fully/mostly functioning conscience. So I’ll continue to perform this never ending dance routine. Even if sometimes it feels more like a backwoods circus sideshow than Cirque Du Soleil.


Goodnight friends. Thanks for watching. What? Watching? What reality are you living in right now…

-c

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A Case for Yeeting Pumpkins (or other large fruit) from a Roof.

26 Saturday Feb 2022

Posted by crashdlanding in Just For Laughs, Non-Fiction, Rant, Truth, Yeet

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crash landing, crashdlanding, goals, large seasonal fruit off a roof., non-fiction, pumpkins, retail, watermelon pumpkin, watermelons, work, Yeet

Yeet.

As many of my readers know, I have worked at an unnamed retail establishment for almost thirteen years. I do my very best to not mention the name of my place of employment the same as I do not name my spouse or offspring.

Honestly it wouldn’t be hard to figure out, but you will never catch me saying it on purpose. It’s a personal preference and I also feel like they wouldn’t appreciate it.

Especially considering I’m about to complain.

Because I have been trying to convince someone, for ages, to let me YEET A PUMPKIN (or watermelon) FROM THE ROOF.

Yeet.

Imagine the stress relief. Imagine the amusement. Imagine, if you will, the sheer joy that would come with the sound it would make hitting the pavement!

Of course, I would insist on an area where no passerby or pedestrians would be in the way. The back of the building is facing a rock wall. It is paved and people and things rarely go back there. I would lay down tarps or heavy duty plastic myself.

I would even roll up the waste and dispose of it with my own two hands!

HECK I would BUY THE AFOREMENTIONED FRUIT MYSELF.

I just need one or two (or seventeen) good YEET(s).

Yeet.

That’s all it would take to ease my stress, satisfy my curiosity, and

MAKE MY ENTIRE YEAR.

In fact, someday I’ll be old(er) and gray(er). And I would tell my grandchildren: “Retail Establishment let me Yeet a <insert large seasonal fruit here> off the roof. And it was…

And they’ll probably say…

But you know what? I’ve been having a rough couple of weeks, and just creating this post made me laugh and forget my problems. If only for a moment.


Thanks for Reading

-c


Yeet.

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I never realized how important melatonin has become in getting my child to sleep

29 Saturday Jan 2022

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction, Opinion Piece

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ADHD, crash landing, crashdlanding, kid under 10, melatonin, non-fiction, research, retail, self-soothe, sleep, supplements

Until we ran out of her melatonin and I forgot to get more

Crap

So why don’t we learn about melatonin together while we wait for her to fall asleep naturally.

Hey Crystal! Why DO you give you’re Under 10 child Melatonin?

My child has ADHD. Through months of stress and frustration that I won’t go into we decided to see a doctor and she was diagnosed. At some point there will be a detailed post but this ain’t it.

When we put her on medicine for it, we were told that it could cause sleep issues. She’s had them for some time but we’d never seriously considered melatonin or anything of that sort.

We started giving her a 1mg melatonin gummy every night at the beginning of our bedtime routine. At this stage, we have other steps and there’s plenty of time for it to kick in. By the time our routine is complete, sometimes before, she’s out.

She took her last one last night, and I knew very quickly I would regret not picking another container up. So I’m writing this post while I wait impatiently for her to doze off.

Okay that was the back story. What is Melatonin anyway?

According to Wikipedia (that all-knowing website we all use but never donate to) Melatonin is a hormone naturally released at night by the pineal glad (no. The PI-NEE-AL gland, get your mind out the gutter[I will neither confirm nor deny whether I had to Google the pronunciation]). It is known to help regulate the sleep and wake cycle.

I also read a handful of times that it is released by your body when triggered by darkness. Perhaps that’s why it tells you to turn out the lights and put down the screens?

Basically meaning when the release of melatonin is triggered it helps promote a restful and relaxed state so you can fall asleep.

I personally have been using it a few years now. I take a chewable 10mg before I lay down, so I fall asleep easier the night before a workday. I do fall asleep faster.

I also have way weirder dreams.

“Evidence for its benefit for this use, however, is not strong.”

Wikipedia (UH EXCUSE YOU.)

Cool cool. So it’s made by the brain. But wait HOW DO THEY MAKE THE SUPPLEMENT

I’m so glad you asked!

Mm yes you’ll like this

Melatonin supplements can be found in natural and synthetic forms. The synthetic form is created completely in a pharmaceutical lab and is molecularly identical to what your own body produces.

But the natural melatonin supplements are made from the pineal gland of animals. Oh yes. They extract the melatonin from brains of animals.

HORRIFYING. However…

Throughout the last, oh, ten minutes of googling, I tried to search for “natural melatonin supplements”. Most every result only mentioned increasing your melatonin production naturally. So I am assuming that most of not all melatonin supplements on the market today are in fact synthetic.

I have my child’s empty container of melatonin before me. I’m going to email the manufacturer, just to see if they’ll respond, and ask them how this particular melatonin is made. This post will be updated in the text box below if they respond.

Thank the LORT she’s finally asleep.

It only took, like, an hour. She’s honestly been asleep for like fifteen minutes I was just so wrapped up in this post that haven’t stopped.

Yes, I wrote this post to soothe my mind while my child soothed herself without being dosed extra melatonin that her body did not produce. Come to think of it if she weren’t scared of the dark she might sleep easier.

Anyway, my very limited research skills have provided me with some entertainment. And my day job influenced me to Google how Melatonin supplements were made months ago. So I already knew that part.

Also the number of people who firmly believe the use of vitamins and supplements will cure them or keep them from getting sick at all is absolutely terrifying and depressing. The human race’s reliance on supplements might be getting out of hand, especially due to the current state of affairs *cough* pandemic *cough*.

Yes. They are useful and helpful and some people truly need some of these. And I advocate and encourage the use of a daily multivitamin (equate women’s daily for YEARS) for most everyone I talk to. But there are an alarming number of supplements sold in stores that are NOT regulated or tested by the FDA. Always keep that in mind.

And with this I’ll leave you!

Thanks for reading!

-c


“Can you tell me where the melanoma is?”

That one customer like 7 or 8 years ago. Pretty sure she was looking for melatonin.

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But What If I Don’t Wanna?

04 Thursday Jun 2020

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction, Retail, Retailiations, Truth

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crash landing, crashdlanding, faith, family, hope, non-fiction, pixie dust, retail, retailiations, work

I have to work tomorrow (technically today since it’s one in the morning). That’s not news, I work every day of the week but Monday and Wednesday. But I don’t want too.

Tuesday, the last day I worked, was a big pile of stinking festering garbage. I was short handed and the people who were supposed to be the closing team called in and left us hanging. I had to ask two of my people to stay late—they graciously agreed and I’m forever in their debt—and I told my managers I would stay late.

I’m not gonna complain once my pay check rolls in and I have overtime on it—OT WHUD UP—practically buy me a new car with that.

Anyway, after six I had three people on the front end, three breaks to cover (including my own) and a million things to get done. Honestly it’s not that hard it’s just complicated and you have to not mess something up.

Messing with the money of a major corporation is a daunting task. That makes me sound more important that what I really am. But that’s what I do. Essentially.

But as always we made it work and we are a good team. A teeny tiny little team but a good one. Those are reliable people and my faith in them has grown even brighter than it was before that night.

Because two people called in (more in the place called in, but two in one area is like a tornado going through a trailer park: devastation). And honestly it was two people I was looking forward to working with. Two people I enjoyed working with and it made me feel like they were abandoning me, and not just our front end and store.

I know that’s not the case. At least I’m pretty sure because they did not communicate with me. I wish they had. One of if them called in I was disappointed. But then I learned they both called in…

Let’s just say the stress of the last several months, and basically year, have really weighed down on me and I might have gotten emotional. I hid it well, at least the angry crying part, and managed to put my sore and damaged feet down (gently) and say, mostly to myself “screw this figurative ‘schtuff’, I deserve more.”

Management had been scheduling me full time and boarder line full time hours for ages, and more so during the Pandemic (crapdangit more like), and I worked it all—except for my two week leave—without fail. I might not have been as good at it as others in certain people’s eyes, but I did it.

So I resolved to ask my manager, first personnel then store manger, for full time.

In the eleven years I’ve been working at (REDACTED) I’ve always been part-time. I’ve worked full time hours on many occasions. More so since getting my current position and let me tell you this has been a rocky road. I’d rather have the ice cream. But I’d been asked about it before and I said that I didn’t want more hours away from my child and family and on my feet.

But since I’m getting that any way and I have been there, doing the job as best as I could, I thought I deserved it. Not the hours, I already have those. I’m talking PERKS!

I had the conversation with my manager and I came out of it, with a “I can’t make any promises” but also with confidence that he actually felt I deserved for the possibility to be looked into.

I’m not getting my hopes up, even if I think I’ve been seen as a worthy person, by at least one other human. Whether no one else does.

But I will also be keeping my options open.

And I’ve learned a lot lately.

1. Open your mouth for what you want or risk never getting it. 2. Faith and hope in another human being is about as valuable as a water logged wooden nickel (IT TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG TO SPELL NICKEL RIGHT). 3. I can make anything work. No matter how putrid the flaming dumpster fire I’m given.

Thanks for reading

-c

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Covication

10 Sunday May 2020

Posted by crashdlanding in Non-Fiction

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coronavirus, covid19, crash landing, crashdlanding, non-fiction, retail, work

My 2 week unpaid leave from work due to Covid-19 is almost over. Tomorrow is the last day I have to call in for it, the next day is a normal day off for me, and I’ll be back on Tuesday. My feet and ankles are already hurting in anticipation.

I’ve left the house—meaning my driveway—three times in two weeks. I’ve been outside in the yard and on the porch, but I’ve only been further three times. All three times were to my Mother-In-Law’s. We will probably be going tomorrow as well.

In all honesty I’d prefer to stay home. I’d have loved to not left the house AT ALL. But it’s good for the kid to get out, even if it’s only to the same place. In fact, she’s not been anywhere besides home since the first week of March. Two MONTHS. I’m not sure I could have done two months.

I will be glad to get back to work, though I’m unsure of what I’ll be going back too. Have they realized they don’t need me after all and they’ll let me go? How many new people have they hired in order to fill empty spots? Will they speak to me? How many licks does it really take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

I’m sure it’ll be fine. My self-depreciation and paranoia are really the only reasons why I think everyone hates me or is generally indifferent. Not that they’d tell me, to be honest.

Anyway, I’m just happy I got my kid to sleep BEFORE 1am.

Thanks for reading.

-c

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Updates

21 Saturday Mar 2020

Posted by crashdlanding in coming soon, News, Official Announcement, Truth, You Don’t Need

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coming soon, coronavirus, covid19, crash landing, crashdlanding, non-fiction, retail, self-quarantine, social distancing, update

Over the last several months (off and on for years really) I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve been A: carrying a lot of extra weight—and I don’t just mean physical, and B: been hoping for something that just isn’t going to happen. So I’m making changes.

1. I’ve had more than one Facebook page, dedicated to different aspects of my creative outlets, and none of the got the attention I hoped, becoming a burden to maintain and a waste of time. So several weeks ago, I “unpublished” two of them, and am now focusing exclusively on Crash Landing. I’ve updated it’s look and theme, as well as my other social media. Check it out for some interesting goings-on.

2. I’m planning a monthly/weekly features, including “You Don’t Need” Monday’s (see what I did there?) and Spotlight Sunday’s where I’ll shine a light on other creators who just wanna share with the world, like me. Non-Fiction Friday will be where I discuss what’s happening in the world and how I’m feeling. #covid19anyone?

3. I have a YouTube channel, where I hope to share some interesting stuff, if I can get over my embarrassment. I mean, I have a GoPro, might as well use it. 🤷‍♀️

There’s more I’m sure I’m not remembering, but I’m trying to both simplify my life, and put myself out there for the world. I miss being creative, I love sharing that with others, and, I mean. I put all this work into some of this stuff. I might as well use it.

I hope everyone is staying safe, healthy, and trying to enjoy the #hermitlife. I am however in retail as a day job, so I can’t “self-quarantine”, no matter how badly I want too!

Always, thanks for reading! -c

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