In 2007 I graduated from college with a bachelors degree in Elementary Education. There has only ever been two things I dreamed of being: a teacher and a writer.
I haven’t successfully written fiction, and by successfully I mean finished or even gotten halfway through a piece, in a very long time. I’ve done some very short fiction, but the last “chapter based” writing I did was a Handy Manny story (not fan fiction, I just had a small child), and that’s a whole other blog post.
After I graduated college, I decided it was a good idea to take a break (famous last words) and get settled into adulthood. Then I got married. I didn’t want my new spouse to have to pay my fast approaching student loan payment. The grace period was about to end and I didn’t want him to have that burden.
I’ve now been in retail for twelve years (in five days). In that time I was a substitute teacher for a short time while working retail. I also did not have my drivers license, so getting me to and from Sub gigs and my mail source of employment were my spouse and in laws.
At one point I became so exhausted that I couldn’t physically do it anymore. I’d go eight hours without eating sometimes. Debilitating social anxiety and fear of failure can be considered the main reasons why I’m still in retail.
Oh and at one point in all this I put in my application for teaching positions. I got an interview at the school closest to me. I BOMBED. It had been so long since I’d graduated and been in a classroom that I had NO IDEA what they were asking me. I knew I didn’t get it before I left the building. My child now goes to that school.
I took that very hard at the time and told myself I was going to give up. But had I really tried? I hadn’t done a single thing to do with education since I graduated, and the substitute work didn’t come until a few years later. How did I expect an interview to go well? Duh goober.
It has now been more time between the substituting and now than has been between the interview and being a sub. And I still want so desperately to be a teacher that I dream about it.
I’ve had dreams about being in a classroom before. But Mia think recurring dreams where someone found out that I didn’t pass some elementary grade and they won’t let me be a teacher until I go through school over again. And NOT EVEN COLLEGE. I have to go through elementary or high school again! *facepalm*
I told myself in October of last year that I wouldn’t still be in retail a year later. I think I even wrote a blog post about it. And now there’s only 206 days left before that day in October. And I’m gonna be super bummed if I don’t get the heck out of dodge.
Don’t get me wrong. Things at my current employer have improved. I’m much happier and much less stressed but I’m still struggling some with not feeling good enough or part of the click. But once in a while I do feel like I’m making some difference.
Lately I don’t really remember much of my dreams. They really have to hit me a certain way for them to be remembered. But with this one, no recurring dream, nothing I’ve ever had before, it just hit me the right (or wrong) way. It reminded me that I want to teach badly, I want more. But am I good enough? Will I ever get there?
Thanks for reading
In the dream I was wearing a dress that looked like my face mask that has a dinosaur puking a rainbow and like said mask it kept slipping down so I had to keep covering my chest with my iPad.
As some of you may know, I graduated with a bachelors in elementary education. I also currently work in retail.
I have gone through “phases” over the years, usually during back-to-school, but where I really wanted to get back into education and teach in a classroom. Well, I always want to, it’s just stronger and sometimes I try harder, especially if I’ve had a rough go of my current employment.
I’ve been in and out of a phase lately, and I ordered a book to help me study for one of the tests if need to take to renew my papers. It’s a long story.
I also decided, a few days ago, to take the unpaid leave offered by my employer to people who are afraid to risk exposer to Covid-19. I did this because of the risk to my 5 year old, but also because being quarantined and isolated from all the people she got used to in daycare, not to mention the lack of structure, has begun to show a negative effect on her.
You wouldn’t think that a 5 year old would begin to become anxious and depressed, but yep. They can. And she is showing signs. So I took leave, not only to protect her and those around us (my sister was bringing her kids to my home so she could watch mine two days a week, exposing them to what I might bring in) but to ensure she is not losing her mind or missing out.
Therefore I’ve taken it upon myself to not only make her a schedule, but to provide learning and lessons. A child in public school in my state has access to NTI work provided by the county school system. She was only in daycare (due to start public school in the fall). While he teacher in daycare provided some work, no one knew daycare would still be shut down almost two months later.
The point I’m attempting to make here, before this post reaches novel length, is that I’m enjoying the glimpse into what it might be like to teach. Although I’m still rusty on lesson planning, still unprepared, I’m enjoying it.
I miss education terribly. I’d love the opportunity to be back in a classroom. I know I wouldn’t be worth a plug nickel thirteen years later. But a girl can dream, right?
-thanks for reading
A few days ago I decided that I WILL teach before I die. Yes, I am aware that it’s an odd way of putting it.
As some of you might know, I have my bachelors degree in education. I graduated from college in December of 2007. I’ve been working retail since 2009.
While I like some of my job, I have always loved teaching. Besides writing, it’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do with my life–professionally.
Since its been so long since I graduated, there are a number of steps is have to take in order to be able to teach. I also have a heck of a lot of catching up to do.
But I am determined to be ready to apply and interview for a teaching position in two years.
Wish me luck.