My life is a series of bad decisions. Not the “should be in jail” or “how am I still alive” bad decisions. But the, “everything could be different” bad decisions. Like, fifteen years ago when I graduated college, I made the decision to take time off before I started looking for teaching jobs. I babysat (I still have the bite mark to prove it) I then got married. And I decided that I didn’t want my new husband to have to keep paying my student loan payments. So, what did I do? Did I go out and try to get a teaching job?

Nope.

Of course not.

I went and applied online to the local retail establishment. The thought was, “I’ll just work here for six months and then get a teaching job.

Dummy.

I got comfortable. I was making money already, why would I need to get a teaching job?

Then I started to realize that I wasn’t feeling fulfilled in said retail environment. Or was it that they offered me a position on the floor? I don’t know, it’s been a long time.

One of my more recent bad decisions I like to lovingly blame on the sudden influx of confidence from a brave (for me) new hair style. In April of 2021 I bought The Truck. Oh yes, for about 48 hours I loved the truck. Until the “Check Engine” light came on. My current working theory is that the dealership either bought a new battery or just left the one in it disconnected and the light cleared for a while.

More recently, two weeks ago, at the bottom of the hill where my day job is located, it died. It started to shake (NOT like a polaroid picture), the steering stiffened up, and then she died. Well, the engine died. The lights and everything else worked. Thankfully, since I was able to put my emergency flashers on so idiots didn’t rear end me in the dark.

See, the ironic, coincidental, or curious thing is, I asked the universe (my mom, in spirit) to give me a sign. What kind of sign, for what, you ask?

“Give me a sign if i shouldn’t put in for this promotion.”

Something like that nonsense. What better sign that for my only mode of transportation to the place where the promotion would be given dies at the bottom of the hill before I could get there. Ah yes, that funny little thing of maybe I should listen.

After dropping roughly $344 down a proverbial well, hoping to fix the thing, it died again four days ago. Luckily it was in the middle of town (its a small town) and not far from my Mother in Law’s house. We got it home the next day, and its not been started since.

But wait, there’s more

There’s a list of things, big and small, that have worn on my mental health over the last few weeks.

• One of my bosses made me feel like he wasn’t confident in me in the promotion so it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough.
  • Said boss unintentionally made me feel like I was being punished for putting in for said promotion, It is important to note that not only would I be on his level had I gotten it, but he/we would be losing an employee in our area that would not be replaced.
• I learned some interesting information about the whole work situation that made me feel like I would get it only to feel like i definitely won’t
• The store manager is leaving, and I despise when there is a management shakeup. Especially when you develop some kind of rapport with the manager and you have to try to do the same with the new one. I’ve been through that process a lot.
• The Kid lost the tip to her fake Apple Pencil, after someone “pre-ordered” a sticker of their dog. They paid money for it. And we paid money for the pencil that is absolutely useless now.
  • I am going to let her use my pencil and ipad to draw the dog and we will get the woman her sticker.
• Apparently, I cannot use the available means of selling items on my website because PayPal wants me to use a business account so they can charge two different fees. I don’t sell enough stickers to validate eating the fee.
• Since making the decision to apply for the promotion, there seems to be a negative change to The Kid’s behavior. She was doing so well and has had issues at school and home.
• OH, and because we don’t like to give her ADHD medication when she isn’t at school, we forget to pick it up regularly every month, only when we are running low, not only will it not let us pick her new prescription up until MARCH, but they got the older one on file to go through, but THEY ARE OUT.

This sounds dumb but that list doesn’t feel long enough for what these last SEVERAL weeks have felt like. It’s probably the combination of all those things plus the overwhelming feeling of stress and worry that comes with them.

I still owe over $12,000 on the truck, I know I cannot sell it as is, it would have to be fixed, and I cannot afford to fix it.

I’ve kept myself in a constant state of panic and worry and stress over this promotion that I honestly don’t know heads from tails.

Also, my heartrate was at 120 when I finally pulled the truck into the driveway on Saturday. It took about ten minutes to get it to settle down into its normal range.

I’m chocking all these issues up to my terrible karma. I firmly believe that I unknowingly pissed in some vengeful spirit’s cheerios and they’re taking revenge on me. Anything I touch gets ruined.

Just thinking about all this is giving me chest pains. So, I’m going to end with a few notes. First, I’m trying to work on both Pretend Fantasy Novel, which will have a title soon, and Silent Secret, the 2nd Story. I want to have two separate pages for them, but don’t want to have to charge separate subscriptions. I’m going to try and finish the multiple free fiction stories that I’ve started, including Cora. The goal is also to have more side stories/lore/background/etc for PFN.

I am also going to try to post here more, including the only post anyone ever seems to hit like on, Spite Diet posts.

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