I’ve recently started making stickers. It requires… a lot. One of the most important things?
Which I do not have. I cannot draw. I can’t. I don’t care what anyone says. I can’t. Most of the things I’ve done have been traced in some form. Case in point:
Okay, not this one. Or this one. Not this one either. The font was added. I didn’t trace the flowers. This is literally a picture of my hand. And I added outline. Also no tracing.
Okay that gallery is not an accurate representation of my tracing prowess. But the moose is. I’ll show the moose.
It’s a thing…
This moose silhouette was traced from a screenshot of multiple moose silhouettes. I added the screenshot into Procreate, created a transparent layer over it, picked a brush, increased streamline and stabilization and traced it. It’s not exact as I didn’t take pains. Then I just autofilled with black. Easy peasy.
Simply put:
While there is *some* regret, there’s zero remorse. It does feel a little like stealing, piggybacking off someone else’s work, so to speak. I am not broken up about it.
Mostly because I feel like I’m wasting my time and energy, because I won’t make anything off any of the stickers I make. The kid has made more money off hers.
Which, good for her I’m not mad.
But if I were charging, properly, for the work I do, taking into account the effort I put into it, I’d be charging more than $2 a sticker.
Consider the moose. Let’s pretend he (his name is Clive, obvi) was a commission. A commission for which I charged for my time and the actual physical sticker. Let’s say I charged a dollar an hour for the work, plus the sticker. I’ve worked on this dude for a couple hours minimum. And if the price point of the sticker itself was still $2. I’d be charging $4 at least for the commission.
Granted, he’s a digital file and there’s an unlimited amount I can make off a digital file. I can print it over and over.
The set price of $2 (for all my stickers for sale on the site) was determined after The Hubs helped me “math” the cost of materials (this did not include the brand new printer). I have to sale, like ten stickers to make the money back from the sticker paper an laminate I put over it.
This ain’t no side hustle.
It is the opposite of a side hustle. It’s a side reluctance (I googled the opposite of hustle). You make money off a side hustle. You enjoy a side hustle. You’re good at a side hustle. I am
Let’s be honest.
Between the hours of 5:30pm and 11pm (my bedtime—it should be earlier) I should be left alone. By left alone I mean no outside contact, no internet, no doom scrolling said internet. No communication. I need to either read or sleep.
This is because, it seems, right around 5:30-6:00 i slowly float away into what feels like a depressive state. I think about how I’m not very good at everything and I don’t have any friends. I remember that I’m a bad daughter to a father, a bad sister, and I’ve broken promises.
I remember that I’m a failure: I graduated college but I work retail. I’ve tried to write the same story for going on a year and four months.
Seriously though, I scrolled all the way back.
I remember all these things that remind me that I’m not what I could have been.
Ignore this entire post.
I’m tried, I’ve gotta work in the morning, and I still need to clean off my bed. Goodnight.
The background image to this was taken from the nasa website. They post free photos of the day. NASA is good people.
I’ve recently started making stickers. It requires… a lot. One of the most important things?
Which I do not have. I cannot draw. I can’t. I don’t care what anyone says. I can’t. Most of the things I’ve done have been traced in some form. Case in point:
Okay, not this one. Or this one. Not this one either. The font was added. I didn’t trace the flowers. This is literally a picture of my hand. And I added outline. Also no tracing.
Okay that gallery is not an accurate representation of my tracing prowess. But the moose is. I’ll show the moose.
It’s a thing…
This moose silhouette was traced from a screenshot of multiple moose silhouettes. I added the screenshot into Procreate, created a transparent layer over it, picked a brush, increased streamline and stabilization and traced it. It’s not exact as I didn’t take pains. Then I just autofilled with black. Easy peasy.
Simply put:
While there is *some* regret, there’s zero remorse. It does feel a little like stealing, piggybacking off someone else’s work, so to speak. I am not broken up about it.
Mostly because I feel like I’m wasting my time and energy, because I won’t make anything off any of the stickers I make. The kid has made more money off hers.
Which, good for her I’m not mad.
But if I were charging, properly, for the work I do, taking into account the effort I put into it, I’d be charging more than $2 a sticker.
Consider the moose. Let’s pretend he (his name is Clive, obvi) was a commission. A commission for which I charged for my time and the actual physical sticker. Let’s say I charged a dollar an hour for the work, plus the sticker. I’ve worked on this dude for a couple hours minimum. And if the price point of the sticker itself was still $2. I’d be charging $4 at least for the commission.
Granted, he’s a digital file and there’s an unlimited amount I can make off a digital file. I can print it over and over.
The set price of $2 (for all my stickers for sale on the site) was determined after The Hubs helped me “math” the cost of materials (this did not include the brand new printer). I have to sale, like ten stickers to make the money back from the sticker paper an laminate I put over it.
This ain’t no side hustle.
It is the opposite of a side hustle. It’s a side reluctance (I googled the opposite of hustle). You make money off a side hustle. You enjoy a side hustle. You’re good at a side hustle. I am
Let’s be honest.
Between the hours of 5:30pm and 11pm (my bedtime—it should be earlier) I should be left alone. By left alone I mean no outside contact, no internet, no doom scrolling said internet. No communication. I need to either read or sleep.
This is because, it seems, right around 5:30-6:00 i slowly float away into what feels like a depressive state. I think about how I’m not very good at everything and I don’t have any friends. I remember that I’m a bad daughter to a father, a bad sister, and I’ve broken promises.
I remember that I’m a failure: I graduated college but I work retail. I’ve tried to write the same story for going on a year and four months.
Seriously though, I scrolled all the way back.
I remember all these things that remind me that I’m not what I could have been.
Ignore this entire post.
I’m tried, I’ve gotta work in the morning, and I still need to clean off my bed. Goodnight.
The background image to this was taken from the nasa website. They post free photos of the day. NASA is good people.
Nearly five years ago, not long after my mother died, I went through a spending spree. Basically, I used buying things as a really bad coping mechanism.
Now, it’s true that I did “need” a new one. The one I was using, an iPad mini, was several years old and had a crack in the screen (I think that happened when I had it it’s been a while). And my very young child had it more than I did.
And apple had a payment plan that I didn’t know WAS A CREDIT CARD until after the fact.
But it was at that time, after my mom died, that I got that credit card and put a new iPad and Apple Pencil on it. Without ever having the card in my hand.
Now, five years on and this iPad’s 32 GIG brain has run out of space for new stuff.
Now, initially I was going to just buy a new case.
This is the case.
But then I remembered how, when I tried to transfer videos from the iPad into the VideoLeap app in order to edit (such as the next drawing challenge video) it would warn me it didn’t have enough space. I’d have to go in and delete and clear as much space as possible to make this happen, even though I would be deleting videos once I was done.
Anyway, I told myself that I’d buy a new iPad, through my phone company, once I got my phone and Apple Watch paid off (I’m only just remembering wanting to go through my cell company because I was gonna get a data plan, what convenient timing).
But instead of waiting I managed to convince myself that I needed to buy one today. Yes. Today. Did I have almost $600 just lying around. Heck no. But I did have easy access to a monthly payment/loan style of “buy now pay later”. I’ve used it three times now, why not four?
So I did. And the buyer’s remorse kicked in fast.
The Hidden Costs
When you buy a new iPad, a ver expensive piece of technology, you want to protect it. So, oops, gotta get a case. At the time of purchase I was told the only case they had to fit it was a $70 Otter Box case. While very protective, I’m not that stupid. I mean. I’m stupid, clearly. But that’s well beyond.
I quickly found and ordered a new case and paper-like screen protector on Amazon. But it wouldn’t arrive for over a week (The Hubs cancelled Prime and I wasn’t paying $15.99 shipping). My first thought is “well, I’m not taking this out the box until the case arrives.” But I happened to look, and lo and behold, they had a $15 case. It wasn’t pretty purple like the one I ordered but it’ll keep her safe until the pretty one arrives. This order totaled $30.
Of course it’s purple I like it to feel like I’m writing in expensive paper.
I get home and release the new iPad from its cardboard prison, and begin setting it up. I don’t want to get rid of the old iPad right away, as I have projects on it I don’t think I can transfer over, so I don’t use that method to set up the new one.
I get to the number one priority, my Apple Pencil. Now, I use my Apple Pencil, first generation, a lot. I need it on my iPad. So, I go to connect it, and remember the first thing I noticed about the new iPad. It charges with USB-C. Unlike all the other apple devices I own, including, you guessed it, the Apple Pencil.
Now see, friends, I forgot that the Apple Pencil required being plugged into the device to connect. After it’s plugged in it will auto-connect via Bluetooth. But initially I remembered that it connects via Bluetooth. And it was only when iPad didn’t pick it up did I realize this.
So I googled and it told me that I could buy a USB-C to lightening (apple) cord and used the adapter that came with the pencil to connect. So I drove to the store, and paid $18 for a cord (also some sweet new sunglasses).
Came back home and connected it. No dice.
More Google told me that first generation Apple Pencil and Fifth Generation iPad air (the new iPad obviously) ARE. NOT. COMPATIBLE. And so, buyer’s remorse has turned into buyer’s anger. Because I’m to dumb to thing that far ahead and make sure the new guy and the old guy get along.
So clearly the only logical options for me here are to A: return the iPad completely and save myself $40 a month over a term of 24 months, or buy a new second generation Apple Pencil. No, it didn’t occur to me until now that I could go and buy the same off brand pencil style stylus that my child got for Christmas for her iPad.
It actually works great and she loves it.
See, the thing is, if I had known this incompatibility information when I was purchasing the iPad, I would have just got the pencil on loan too. Because, again, I don’t have that kind of kind of money lying around.
In an effort to improve my drawing skill, of which I have none, I started a drawing challenge.
I visit Random Generator’s Random Things to Draw. The first drawing challenge I used the first image that came up. It was a sunflower. I feel pretty good about the results. I screen recorded the drawing process and made a video, which I posted on my YouTube Channel.
The first.
At the end of that video, I shared three options for the next drawing challenge. And of course the one and only person who ever comments on any of my YT videos chose the next Drawing Challenge subject.
TLDR
Long story short I’m in the middle of the fourth one of these, and the soul reason I’m doing it is because she wants me too. Am I a good aunt or what? So here’s a list of steps to completing a drawing challenge from start to finish.
Drawing Challenge
Have niece choose next subject.
Contemplate not doing it
Open safari and Google subject (ie: sword)
Look at pics of swords
Ask a question my Facebook which no one will answer
Get really good ideas
Don’t draw anything for at least a month
Remember you need to work on it every day for said month
Open Procreate, regret life choices.
Draw… something.
Start over
Cheat. Just a little (take the lazy way out. Not cheat on your significant other that’s wrong)
Doubt yourself. It’s part of the process.
Put on a podcast and eventually zone out while working, complete forgetting to record.
Don’t work on it for a month. Minimum.
Niece keeps asking about it. Make up excuses.
Wallow in self pity. Everything is going wrong, you’ll suck at this too.
Schedule a time to work on the thing. Make yourself do it.
Actually work on it, manage to finish the drawing fairly happy with it. Don’t look at it too hard though, you’ll find the flaws.
Put all videos in a folder on iPad so they’re in one place and easily accessible. This is responsible. Remember not to delete the videos until everything is complete. Trust me on this. I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE.
Create Video intro: basically just update the last one to the number of the challenge and subject. Upload to VideoLeap app.
Upload videos. Probably one at a time since your iPad is five years old and has to think about it for a minute.
Edit videos for length and content. We don’t want a 30 minute video.
After editing is complete, research and write script for voiceover.
Record voice over
Add background music where needed. Note title and artist. (You will get copyrighted, but the video won’t get taken down. At least they haven’t yet.)
Remember: don’t touch anything. If you add in stuff then change the video, YOU. WILL. HAVE. TO. MOVE. EVERYTHING. AGAIN.
Once you think you are done watch it through. AGAIN.
When you’re finally happy or just content or about to throw the iPad across the room with vigor, upload to the ‘Tubes.
Schedule it to premier so The Niece has a countdown to watch.
Profit. Wait.
The editing process will take several hours, if not days. I’ve gotten migraines. I’d hate to be a popular creator and have to have quality videos.
I attempted to start this weekly thing a few years ago and didn’t have the following to get it off the ground. I still don’t but here we go. But it’s not up and coming creators and artists it’s already established ones.
Since the practically meteoric rise of the social media platform that sounds like a refreshing breath mint, I’ve noticed many of my favorite YouTube Creators have lost the views they have been used to getting. I firmly believe it’s this other social media website’s catering to a world’s ADHD tendencies that has created this issue.
So I decided I’m going to spotlight these creators, regardless of my lack of following or influence. There are conditions. These creators aren’t going to be the biggest names in the biz. No Mr. Beast or Sepsis’s Eyeball or Cut the Pie or whoever. These will be creators that craft, or make you think, or teach you something. Creators that work for your views.
This week’s Spotlight is on a YouTube Creator named Chris Ramsay.
Chris Ramsay
Chris Ramsay is a Canadian slight of hand artist/magician/ and puzzle, uh, guy? Puzzler? The Puzzler. Sounds like a Batman villain. Lol wait there’s a video.
See?
He also commissions puzzles, has his own line of merch, decks of cards, escape room puzzle, the list goes on. The dude also spend what cannot be a small chunk of change creating his own studio/workplace to create in that honestly looks like the coolest place to work ever.
I first came across him three years ago, I think. YouTube recommended me one of his puzzle solving videos. And the puzzles have gotten even more complex as the years have gone on.
One of the most important things to note is the intros. He and his team can create absolutely stunning, movie quality puzzle intros. Like, if they do not one day make a full length movie with the skills and equipment they possess it will be a disservice to the world.
I enjoy watching him solve puzzles because I would never have the patience to finish one without throwing it, or taking it apart. Some of the puzzles he solves are absolutely so elaborate and expensive that I’ll never lay hands on him. So I’ll live vicariously through his videos.
He also has an entire series (there’s a playlist) of “future me” puzzles, where he received a message from his future self and he has to solve the puzzle.
And I cannot forget the entire escape room he had built just to solve with his buddy Wes Barker.
Like I said, though. He’s not just puzzles. He does magic too.
He managed to snag a small role in the movie Spiral with Chris Rock, because of his magic.
He does videos reacting to people doing magic, he teaches card tricks, which to be honest I’ll never be able to do, and shows magic tricks.
Chris as a few other channels as well, Chris Ramsey TV, where he plays escape room games and Bottom of the Barrel a podcast channel with Wes Barker.
Chris’ most recent video was one where he honestly and vulnerably shared how the change in engagement on his channel(s) has been affecting him. And considering the movie quality level of his videos, how hard they have to work, and the money spent on them, it’s understandable.
Understandably Chris is taking a break right now. But I highly recommend checking out is videos on YouTube and Instagram, and his website!
I started The Spite Diet because my gynecologist wanted me to talk to my family doctor about a weight loss drug even though I wasn’t trying to lose weight. And I simply said, “Hold my Pepsi.”
I didn’t want to just start taking a drug to lose weight when I hadn’t made a real effort to do so.
So I made a real effort.
The main components of The Spite Diet are the real things I think I needed to work on to lose weight. Portion Control and making better choices.
The tools I’ve been using are the Lose It App and Intermittent Fasting.
How It’s Going
Okay, so I am two days off of a weeklong vacation where most of what I did was sit around. It was GLORIOUS. I regretted it later but that’s not what this post is about. I thought, “Okay, its time to start all over, go back to the beginning and try again. I just knew that I had gained some weight back. I knew this because I hadn’t weighed myself in about seventeen days, and I’d managed to not meal prep my lunches for work, drank lots of carbonated sugary beverages, stress eaten and all kinds of naughty, not very healthy decisions.
But I just weighed in and I am 295. I am under my initial goal weight of 300 pounds, and I’d “lost” five pounds since my last weigh-in, which was before my vacation. So, pleasant surprise for the win.
What I’m Eating
The lunch I prep for workdays is always the same, because its quick, easy, and I always have the ingredients.
whole wheat wrap (I prefer the Mission Carb Balance Whole Wheat wraps, but I currently have the great value)
Some form of meat (I love the Oscar Meyer Cracked Black Pepper Turkey Breast Deli Sliced)
Cheese (I like any kind of swiss or provolone, lately I just have kraft singles which get a little gooey–not in a good way–overnight)
Kraft Mayonnaise (a tablespoon is a serving size)
fresh spinach (about a 1/4 cup)
Great Value Zesty Ranch Veggie Straws
baby carrots, with a tablespoon of ranch.
I try to be a good girl and have my Oats Overnight oats for the day, but honestly, the consistency gets a little monotonous for me if I have it too frequently. I mix my oats in the shaker bottle they send for free, with vanilla almond milk. If I have it or have the money to get it, I choose a protein bar and an equate vanilla protein shake for breakfast instead. Again, I have been a little naughty and didn’t stick with this, and have often had starbucks coffee (in the glass bottle) and tasty cake donuts. But… stress.
Dinner has mostly been whatever is easiest for me. That consists of, usually, my husband cooking, or fast food. Like I said, I’ve not been a good girl. But I do love me the Butterball Seasoned Turkey Burger Patties. I will make a burger out of them, with lettuce, tomato, and mayo. Or I’ll have some broccoli. I enjoy quinoa, but it takes a while to make it.
Thoughts.
My goals moving forward with the diet are to at minimum maintain my weight loss. At best, continue to lose. I am purposely choosing to not set outrageous goals or have too high of expectations. I do not wish to set myself up for failure, which I often do. I have been known to set goals way out of reach and when I do not reach them, take it as a total failure, and fall into a depression. I’m trying to improve myself, not destroy myself.
Fears: One of the reasons why I haven’t really wanted to try hard at losing weight before was the skin. I don’t love my body at 330 pounds. And I know I will love it even less at 200 pounds with 40 pounds of loose sagging skin hanging off of it. I’m afraid that if I lose a significant amount of weight I will be left with all the lose skin to deal with. I cannot afford surgery to remove it, and I will not want to spend the rest of my life looking at it. I fear that my mental health will deteriorate even more should that happen.
I had also hoped that with weight loss, I would see a reduction in chronic pain. I have lower body pain (legs, knees, ankles, feet) that is constant while working. I hoped that losing weight would alleviate that pain and I could work harder or at least suffer a little less. But I have yet to see a significant improvement, and taking a week off work and going back was absolutely horrendous.
I see now that the damage done to my body is not only the extra weight I’ve been carrying for decades, working for eight hours a day on my feet on concrete floors. And that damage is not going to be repaired just by losing some weight. Probably not at all.
Changes
I’m currently considering a change in my intermittent fasting schedule. I am currently loosely on a 12/12 eating fasting schedule. Fasting for 12 hours a day, and an eating window of 12 hours a day. I usually fast for about twelve and a half hours, as that is what works with my work schedule. But changing to a 16/8 fasting schedule, would leave an eight hour window to get my meals in.
I also need to increase my protein intake, but I can only eat what I have on hand and can afford, so we shall see.
Final Thoughts
Portion control, smarter choices, activity level, and eliminating stress and emotional eating are all things I need to work on. Doing so would improve my results and help me achieve my goals. It’s a battle and I’m still fighting it. Sometimes halfheartedly, sometimes I want out, sometimes I wonder what would warrant a dishonorable discharge. And then I see that I’ve lost five pounds without trying.
that last five pounds was probably just water weight but I’m not arguing.
It’s only day three but BOOYYYY Has it been something
There were only plans for two days of my seven off of work. So far, we managed to successfully stick to one of those days.
Some backstory
This is Lucy, being camera shy and nervous. As usual.
So, about April 2 or so, I’m not sure which day to be honest, we noticed that my annoying little inside/outside dog was missing.
Lucy (previously mentioned dog) is a wanderer. When we “rescued” her, she and her siblings were living around my dad’s house. He’s not a big fan of pets of any kind, but he’d never go so far as to hurt them, just won’t have anything to do with them. So the were to fend for themselves.
She was one of the last litter my mom’s dog had. And when mom died, her dog went to my brother (who was technically her owner in the first place. My family is weird about dogs). That left the last of the litter (three I think), running the hills.
Lucy was rescued as part of my poorly designed grieving process after mom died. Obviously I now realize that I needed therapy. But that’s beside the point.
So, Lucy the Wanderer has been known, in the almost five years since we got her, to roam a little far from home, but return in a few days. Honestly she’s always driven me a little bonkers and we’ve made jokes about how we are shocked she hasn’t been eaten by coyotes. I’m not sure if there are coyotes in Kentucky but that’s beside the point.
The first few days of her being missing was a “shrug it off she’ll be back soon” kinda thing.
But after a few days I began to get nervous, but mostly because I have never treated her as well as I should have. Like I said, she was a grief decision, and my heart wanted her to fill a hole my mom’s death left. And I felt terrible that because she didn’t do that, I took it out on her.
I never physically hurt the dog, but I did not give her the love she wanted. Also be she aggressively desired loves. Like, she would come nose to nose with you until you were either forced to give her pets, or force her away so you had some personal space.
Ironically I realized I hadn’t seen her in a few days when I was on my way home thinking she needed a bath.
I also began to worry that one angry neighbor or another had done something to her. You see, as she is a roamer, she has been known to go onto other people’s property. I’ve gotten angry messages from neighbors, but hadn’t gotten one in a long time.
I was first afraid that the newest neighbors got tired of her nonsense, even though I warned them of her shenanigans. First and foremost in my head was, “someone has hurt her.”
After a week of being gone, my sister kindly made a Facebook post. She shared pictures and a note about where she’s belongs. I don’t use my personal Facebook, so I hadn’t made a post yet. I was stuck between “shell come home soon” and “hopefully someone has given her a nice home” while trying to categorically deny the possibility she might not be alive.
On Saturday, we took The Kid to an Easter Egg hunt. Lucy was in the back of my mind the whole time, her and the fact that I decided to wear flip flops in 50 something degree weather.
After the hunt, a visit with my mother in law, and dinner, we went to the grocery store. Because the one other plan for my vacation, and the one I was most looking forward to, was Easter Dinner at my sisters. We needed to get our portion of ingredients for the Easter Fajitas.
While there I visited Starbucks for the first time in my life and ordered the pink drink.
It was good, reminded me of yogurt, and activated my *ahem* “digestive system”.
While sipping my Pepto Bismol Antidote, I got a text from my sister. Someone’s friend had seen Lucy. Literally over a mountain. The mountain isn’t super far from my house, but it is in an area that we had never driven before. I wasn’t going to ask The Hubs to go looking for her, because we were all tired. But he noticed my distress on the way home and asked me if I wanted him to drive it.
I said yes. And boy.
Listen, I’ve lived in the hills of Eastern Kentucky my entire life. you will never catch me calling these hills mountains. But there are two locations in this area that I will allow myself to call “mountains”. One is the mountain my dad says he wants to make his final resting place, the same here his mom is. And the curvy ass rainbow road-est monstrosity that we ventured up and down on Saturday.
We drove the better part of four miles or more, the number of curves and loops and landmarks that could have been the thing we were told to look for, absolutely bonkers. We went up and down and back up and back down that mountain and say not a sign of this dog.
So we went back home, and I did the unthinkable.
I logged into my personal Facebook and made a post.
But first, I got the number of the person who said they’d seen Lucy and called them. He told me he’d seen her two days, and gave her a hamburger one of those days. He gave me directions to where he found her.
Now, let me tell you, do not underestimate the kindness of strangers and their determination to bring a dog back to its owners.
That night, in the dark, at least two people went out looking for Lucy. neither found her. I’m assuming she was hiding and trying to stay warm, as it was getting cold.
I while I waited to hear back from these people, I began prepping what I could for Easter dinner the next day. This included cutting bread for pineapple casserole, and making two Oreo cheesecakes.
I was frustrated at Lucy being gone, and made the first no bake cheesecake by hand sans mixed. I finished it, found the hand mixer and went into my room to let The Kid know I was going to use it. She doesn’t appreciate loud noises without warning.
I walked into my room to see her fast asleep. I sat down on the edge of my bed and whispered “you conned yourself into my bed again, huh?” And leaned in to kiss her cheek.
And it was on fire.
The Kid is normally a warm bodied kid anyway, but this was something else. I went hunting for a thermometer, waking my husband up to ask him if he’d seen one. I told him I thought she was fevered, and he got out of bed to help me look. I found one, and took her temp. 104.
Let’s just say, the other no bake cheesecake is still in its box. I stress at the Oreos, and I got very little sleep.
The next morning we couldn’t find an open after hours until 5pm, but we were willing to go to Easter dinner anyway. We were debating whether it would be a good idea to take the kid, given her possible illness. And I know it’s really selfish but I really wanted to go.
But at 11:20am, that perfect stranger, who had told me the night before that she would go out and look for Lucy after church, messaged me. She said Lucy was right where she’d seen her before, she just couldn’t get her to come to her.
I told he hubs, and his only words were, “I’ll be back in a little bit.”
I worried myself tiki death the entire time he was gone, there’s no signal on the mountain, and it’s a curvy dangerous road, even worse when you don’t know it. I was at home, holding down the fort with a sick kid and a nervous stomach when, an hour later, while I’m on the toilet, of course, I hear the familiar sound of a doggie door and tap tapping of toenails on laminate floor.
“IS THAT LUCY!?!” I called from my porcelain throne. I had no response, just more tapping of toenails. So I started calling her name. This dog ran right past and “Scooby doo’d” around to the open bathroom door (we have no shame in this house) and was whimpering and whining excitedly at me.
And wouldn’t you know, within five minutes of getting back home she decided to run right back out side?
Ignore my ugly mug. Lucy the Wander after she made it back home and then tried to run the neighborhood but I caught her and locked her in the house.
I managed to put the cover on the doggy door, and block it just to keep her inside for a while. I picked eleven ticks off her, and she enjoyed every moment of the attention.
Unfortunately, The Hubs curvy drive with changing altitudes, and likely inappropriate speeds, aggravated his vertigo. He had skipped his meds the night before, worrying about the kid, and the deadly combination of all those factors left him with a temporarily debilitating migraine.
And The Kid decided she didn’t want to leave the house, which is extremely unlike her.
So, we stayed home.
We still had fajitas, we just had chicken and no steak or shrimp (much to The Hubs disappointment).
But we also had our annoying little dog home.
She ended up being even further out than we’d driven together the night before. I had initially let myself believe that she just got distracted and got lost and couldn’t find her way home. I’m now of the mind that someone most likely gained her trust, which isn’t hard with snacks and attention (same), and picked her up, only to drive her over the river and through the woods and to a strangers house she went.
So of course now I’m suspicious of everyone. But I know that it would be impossible to keep her in constantly, and I’m wholeheartedly against keeping a dog chained or caged for prolonged periods, I wouldn’t put it past the dognapper to do it again.
I mean, come on people, it’s not like she could hurt you, she’s harmless. Annoying but harmless.
Also, Monday, we took the kid to the doc and she has Strep. So, woo. Luckily she’s on antibiotics now, and on the mend.
Almost two years ago today, I made the biggest mistake of my life. And no, it was not the perm. I actually really liked the perm and might get another one some day.
No, it was the perm that made me do, it. At least that’s what I like to tell myself. You see, two years ago I decided I wanted a perm, and because it was income tax season, I had the money to do so. Yes, it has to be income tax season for me to do drastic changes to my hair. That’s when it was for the purple and blonde hair. Because I am the type of person who will go for months on end and not get a haircut because I hate spending the money on it. I don’t hate spending money, its spending it on certain things.
So, it was the drastic change of a perm, and the confidence that said perm gave me, that made me want to make the biggest mistake of my life. And said mistake has four wheels, a pretty green paint job, and a check engine light.
See, this beautiful beast of a truck was purchased on a whim. She was not my first choice. The truck I was eyeballing in the salon chair while inhaling perm chemical fumes was a GMC Sierra. It had more miles than this one. And I went down to the car lot not half an hour after getting my hair done. But it was taking forever to get my credit check to go through, so we left.
And then the dude called me, at work, the next day and said he had a better truck for me.
And oh did he.
The check engine light came on twenty-four hours after I signed the papers.
Later that year the battery terminal messed up and we had to change that out.
Then the next January it died while i sat in the parent pick-up line waiting on my child.
I have barely driven it for the bulk of 2023. Because On February 7, at the bottom of the hill my workplace sits on, just as I was turning into a curve, it died. I only knew it died because the steering tightened up and the breaks were hard to push. I managed to get it off the road, mostly (and into mud). I called my husband because I was afraid to start it and get it up the hill without back up, and I message my manager letting him know I’d be late.
On the way home that day it died four times.
My brother-in-law (he might never know how much I appreciate him) and my sister and the kids, came to the house so he could look into it. First, we thought it might be the fuel injector that we discovered was out on it the last time it died (parent pick-up). Then after putting it on a scanner, he said it was probably a thing called the ignition coils. And you could only get two of them or eight. So we got eight. For $254.39. He put them on a while later. And I managed to drive it to work for two days, before it died again in an S curve in downtown.
Again I called my husband, we pulled the think into parking lot of a for sale business, and I left a note in the windshield that said, “Truck is dead please don’t tow.” He drove me to work, and that evening we got it out of the strange parking spot and left it at his mother’s place of residence.
The next day, a Sunday I believe, I drove it home. I vaguely remember making it all the way home without it dying. But it was mostly because I was filming the entire event and it wanted to prove me wrong and make people think I was crazy. I am crazy but its the truck that’s making me crazy.
Eventually, BIL got the ignition coils put on, and I was able to drive it to work for a few days before it died again on February 17th. At this point, after the ignition coils, the assumption was the problem must be spark plugs and the fuel injector, for which there was a previous code. On February 24th, he bought and put on the spark plugs and the fuel injector, which I’d already had. I drove it to work two days. On the second day, I was IN MY FLIPPING DRIVEWAY and it died.
That was the last day I drove it. Until March 1st when I picked my sister up and she came to the house and helped my clean out my garage so I could pull the enormous hunk of junk into it so I didn’t have to look at it anymore.
On Monday, March 25th, he installed a new $180 fuel pump because that was the next only possible solution, and it turned out that might not have been the problem. Keep in mind, the thing has barely been driven for more than a few days at a time.
On friday (yesterday) he came and fiddled with it a bit, because when you put on a fuel pump on a 2012 Dodge Ram, when there’s about three quarters of a tank of gas in it, its “easier” to take the BED OF THE TRUCK OFF, which is a nerve wrecking experience in and of itself and get to the fuel pump than dropping an almost full tank.
He put on some nuts and bolts and taillights that he didn’t get back on previously because it was getting late and messed around with it some more. He took it for a drive (i nearly tinkled when he hit 60 on a two-lane road, I usually don’t go over 35 on) just to see if he could copy what it does.
Of course he wasn’t able to recreate the incident, because the truck gets shy and doesn’t want to show off. And prefers for me to look like a lunatic.
The best he could figure that maybe it was a little low on transmission fluid, and maybe needed a little oil (she needs an oil change but you can’t get that done when you can’t get very far).
So, I bought both of those things today, and put them in with some frustration.
Listen, the fact of the matter is this: I love driving my truck. I feel safer than I was in my little car, like no one can get me. If I were to encounter the stupidest thing on four legs, a deer, I would be more likely to win in that battle in my Dodge Ram, than I was in a Chevy Cobalt. Its also a beautiful automobile, and I was always proud to say it was mine.
When it ran right.
When you are driving along, minding your own business, and your steering gets stiff, you lose juice, and you have to try to steer your way off the road safely, its nerve wracking. When you live in an area like I do, and there’s an uncanny number of either rock walls or drop offs into rivers protected only by guardrails that may or may not be dug into eroding hillside, it’s scary not knowing when you might lose power. The last time I drove this truck very far i barely let it get over 40 miles per hour because I was scared.
And for some reason I decided to try and drive it to work tomorrow.
To be honest I am scared shitless. I don’t want to risk having to pull off in a questionable spot. Luckily the drive TO work is the rock wall side. There’s a few places before you get to downtown that would be okay places to pull off. But just thinking about it is really scary, and I don’t want to do it.
As I have discussed her many times, I am not a praying woman. I am not religious at all, mostly because I don’t know what to believe. But after the over $700 in parts and labor I’ve put on that truck in the first four months of this year, I am praying that it gets me to and from work tomorrow.
And the next day I have to take The Kid to an appointment. I really mad at myself that I forgot about that. The appointment is all the way in another county. Like, half an hour’s drive, on the highway.
This is really just a therapy post, for me. I know I’ve said a million times that I’m going to stop posting personal stuff here. But that truck really is feeling like the dumbest decision I’ve ever made. And I really need something to go right for me.
Not that anybody is reading any of my posts besides diet related posts.
Over the last several months there’s been speculation that a young woman from Poland named Julia Wandelt (or Wendell or Faustyna) could be missing the Madeleine McCann.
Who is Madeleine McCann
In May 2007, three year old Madeleine was on vacation in Portugal with her parents and twin siblings. Her mother and father left her and her two year old siblings sleeping in their apartment to go to dinner, about 180 feet away. Around 10pm her mother, after having checked on the children multiple times, discovered Madeleine missing.
At one point her mother and father were suspected of covering up her accidental death after some DNA evidence was misinterpreted. Her parents were later cleared of any wrongdoing, and the girl, who would be 20 now, has never been found.
There are multiple theories as to what happened to the then three year old, most notably that a man previously convicted of abducting and murdering another child might have had something to do with her disappearance.
To be honest, there’s a lot about the case that doesn’t make a ton of sense, but that’s not why we’re here right now.
Who is Julia Wandelt
Julia Wandelt (aka Julia Wendell or Julia Faustyna) is a 21 year old Polish woman claiming that she could be the missing Madeleine McCann. She began sharing “evidence” that she was McCann on her YouTube, Facebook, and Tik Tok accounts. Those accounts have since been deleted as she has faced criticism and threats.
She began with a plea to the parents of Madeleine, asking for DNA testing and to get in contact with them. As far as I know she has not spoken to them. Wandelt had traveled to the United States with a woman named Dr Fia Johansson a private investigator and self professed medium.
Why tho?
Why is it Julia Wandelt believes she is Madeleine McCann?
Madeleine McCann had a very distinctive eye defect, affecting the appearance of her iris and pupil. this condition is fairly rare, only affecting about one in ten thousand people. The unique characteristic was quite obvious in images that circulated of the little girl after she went missing.
This defect, called a coloboma, which Wandelt had, is one of the reasons why people might think she is McCann.
Coloboma in Madeline McCann’s eye. Image. Julia Wandelt (left) Madeleine McCann (right) Image
There are a number of other pieces of “evidence” given as to why she might be the lost little girl, including other facial features.
Why do I think Julia Wandelt is not Madeline McCann?
I think, with close to 8 billion people on earth, the chances that two people look eerily similar, enough that one might be the older version of a missing person, is highly likely. There are tiktok videos that people stitch asking the original poster who their parents are. We all have a doppelgänger somewhere.
One of the things that tells me that it is unlikely that Wandelt is McCann all grown up is the placement of that rare condition that causes the deformation of the pupil. Yes, it is rare, but that doesn’t mean that two different people can’t have it.
And if you look at images comparing their faces, Wandelt’s defect appears to be straight, while McCann’s radiates away from the center of the eye or the pupil, at an angle. McCann’s coloboma is also more distinct. I’ve found no pictures of Wandelt that show it as prominent as McCann’s.
Based on my limited knowledge of facial features, there seem to be discrepancies between the two that might show differences as opposed to similarities. Wandelt’s fuller lip, brow bones, jawline, and other features just do not scream to me, “I’m a grown up McCann.”
There is also the fact that Wandelt and this Johansson woman decided it was important for the case to travel to Los Angeles, California. In the United States. One continent that is NOT a part of the case. If she wanted her DNA compared to that of McCann, would she not do so in a country closer to where she’s from or where she went missing?
Sus
I believe that Julia Wandelt had ulterior motives. I do not claim to know anything about her childhood (which she claims to not remember because she was trafficked by the same or similar looking German man believed to be involved in McCann’s disappearance) or her life at all.
I do believe in possibilities. Specifically ones that include her having made the claims initially believing they’d get little attention, and it because something bigger. In the day and age of “going viral” it’s not hard to convince people of something. Perhaps it was a hole she dug too deep and now she’s going all in?
Or perhaps she was convinced by someone *cough cough* johansson *cough cough* that she could be the missing girl, and they are looking for some sort of fame from the act, perhaps to free Wandelt from a not ideal life she was living?
Why else would they go to LA thr publicity capital of the world?
Like I said, all speculation.
Regardless
Madeleine McCann is or was a human and it’s an absolute tragedy what happened to her at such a young age. But Julia Wandelt is as well, regardless of what happened to her and what is going on now. And Wandelt has apparently suffered from death threats and harassment over the whole thing.
It is wrong and inappropriate to harass or threaten anyone, regardless of the reason. Treat others the way you’d want to be treated and all that.
But I also think that the parents of McCann are not holding out any hope that Wandelt is their missing child. I think after si king, I wouldn’t blame them. But it must be hard for them to go through this ordeal. Like losing her all over again.
But I am almost certain, like 74%, that these two are not the same person. And if I’m wrong, I will eat my words.
In conclusion
While I’m sure her mother and father would be absolutely thrilled to know her child is alive, Madeleine McCann is still missing, and last I heard, presumed dead.
One can only hope that Julia Wandelt (and her would be guardian and mentor Dr Fia Johansson) is not insisting that she is the missing McCann, solely for the publicity.
I recently discovered that there is a direct correlation between the size of my pants and the size of my pockets. This is not implying that no pants equal no pockets. Wait, I guess it is. But here I am referring to my jeans. Specifically, the bigger the pants the bigger the pockets.
Allow me to elaborate. I buy most of my jeans, which is all I wear to work, at Lane Bryant. If I need jeans in a hurry, I buy them at Walmart. Lane Bryant is a plus size retailer, my local Walmart location doesn’t carry a huge selection of plus sized clothing. Now most of the jeans I’ve purchased at Lane Bryant are too big. This is not due to my recent Spite Diet. They were always big. All of those too big jeans are so big that if I don’t do something to keep them up I have to pull them up repeatedly throughout my workday. So big, in fact, that I have multiple times threatened to “moon” those around me just by walking or, lort forbid, bend over. The jeans I’ve purchased at Walmart, which are a few years old at this point are all two small (and all different sizes despite the number on the tag).
The few pairs of pants that I do not have to pull up or sinch at the waist, have small pockets. These are the Walmart jeans.
So, the problem is this, the only time that my phone can be put in my pocket without it threatening to pants me in public is when the phone can barely fit in said pocket. I suppose the choice is either struggle with my pocket or my pants.
Yes, this is an absolute ridiculous reason to post. This post is also not about the difference between clothing sizes and retailers. But there is a point.
Women’s Clothing Generally Lacks Pockets.
It is a well-known fact that women’s clothing, at least the bulk of it, lacks proper pockets. The phrase “Thanks, it has pockets!” couldn’t have become a thing without that being a fact. We ladies get super excited when we see we have pockets, especially ones we didn’t expect.
There’s a couple of theories floating around as to why this is true. One is the predominance of men in fashion. Men know how to design clothes that look good on a woman but don’t think about how the functionality of those items of clothing for the people that will wear them. The fact that MEN are more prominent in the designing of women’s clothing, is bonkers. But my theory about that is in the past women were always considered to be not for the professional world. Women belong in the home having families and taking care of husbands. And women back and that day didn’t need pockets to keep things in, but men did.
Another theory is that the main concern when designing women’s clothing is fashion over function. Designers make the items to look good, plain and simple, pockets are not a priority. And done the wrong way on an item, pockets can change the look or silhouette of the item. Like cargo pants. Imagine all the stuff you can carry in cargo pants. And then imagine how lumpy you’d look with them packed full of, I don’t know, marshmallows.
But not only does women’s clothes generally lack pockets, when they do have pockets, they are usually small. “Yes please, I would like the pair of pants with the pocket that I can fit this folded one dollar bill into!”
It’s all about Equality.
Seriously though. Men get pockets in their pants. Have you seen a pair of men’s pants without them? And they have big pockets, too. Everyone deserves pockets.
I do enjoy carrying a purse. I put all kinds of nonsense in there, but I don’t like taking one to work, the place I go most frequently, because I don’t always need all the things I carry in it, and with the Spite Diet, I have to carry a lunch box now. So, I don’t want to carry two separate bags to work when I don’t need most of the stuff in one of them.
Give me pockets and make them big enough for my phone and my Airpods and some cash and some lip balm. I don’t want a pocket that I can barely get my enormous smartphone into without wondering if it’s going to fall out of said pocket and smack its screen on the tile floor of my workplace. I cannot afford a new phone. Oh, and not just back pockets, like on most jeggings (yes, I still wear them, no I don’t care about fashion, sheesh).
In Conclusion
Pockets are just one of those “hot topic” issues that really shouldn’t be. It sounds ridiculous to get bothered by pockets, really. But its a the little things that can make life easier for everyone. Having a place to put a thing you wanna carry, without having to carry a whole other thing.
Crash Landing 